EVERYONE ELSE

VENEZUELAN OPPOSITION CANDIDATE UNLIKELY TO USE CANCER ATTACK AGAINST CHAVEZ

JAMAICA MELTS DOWN THOUSANDS OF ILLEGAL GUNS AND TRIES TO SMOKE THEM

U.S. CONSIDERING HALT TO KILLING CIVILIANS WITH DRONES AFTER PAKISTANI REQUEST

MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS WOULD RATHER NO ONE WINS PRESIDENTIAL RACE

IN POSSIBLE LAST STRAW IRAN BANS SIMPSONS DOLLS, POGS, MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS

RUSSIA AND CHINA JUST LIKE SEEING BLOOD RUNNING IN SYRIAN STREETS

SYRIA DOESN’T REALLY KNOW WHO KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN HOMS

ISRAEL LOOKING FORWARD TO A SPRING WAR AGAINST IRAN

TALIBAN READY TO TAKE CONTROL OF AFGHANISTAN ONCE NATO LEAVES

ARAB SPRING UPRISING KILLS DOZENS AT SOCCER MATCH

WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR DEPLOYED TO THE FALKLANDS

IRANIAN THREATS TO ATTACK ON AMERICAN SOIL NOT MAKING THINGS ANY BETTER

ISRAEL DEVELOPS HIGH-TECH DRONE CAPABLE OF BOMBING IRAN IF THEY CAN KEEP IT FROM CRASHING

SYRIAN FIRST FAMILY FOILED IN VACATION ATTEMPT OUT OF THE COUNTRY

HUGO CHAVEZ WILLING TO RECONSIDER RELATIONS WITH U.S. IF OBAMA IS REELECTED

EUROPE GOES ON A DOWNGRADE SPREE

IRAN MAY NOT WANT TO SELL ITS OIL TO EUROPE ANYWAYS

ONE IN FIVE GERMANS TURNING A BLIND EYE TO THE HOLOCAUST, AGAIN

IRAN SWEARS TO GOD IT WILL CLOSE THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ, JUST TEST THEM

GADDAFI FORCES SEIZE CONTROL OF TIME MACHINE AND SOUTHERN TOWN

THAILAND RECOGNIZES PALESTINIAN STATEHOOD AND OFFERS SPECIAL ENVOYS TO LUBRICATE PEACE PROCESS

FRANCE READY TO WITHDRAW SOLDIERS AFTER A LITTLE SHOOTING IN AFGHANISTAN

CANADA REALLY, REALLY MAD ABOUT U.S. REJECTION OF KEYSTONE PIPELINE

CANADIAN NAVAL OFFICER SHARES STATE SECRETS; CANADA HAS A NAVY, SECRETS

IRANIAN LAWMAKER SAYS U.S. OFFERED TALKS SO SECRET EVEN THEY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THEM

GREECE PUTS ANCIENT SITES UP ON THE AUCTION BLOCK

CAPTAIN OF ILL-FATED ITALIAN CRUISE LINER JUST REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO DIE

IRAN MINIATURIZES MISSING SPY DRONE AND SENDS IT BACK TO THE U.S.

RUMOURS OF MASS FAMINE AND SUICIDES IN RURAL MEXICO TURN OUT TO BE ONE BIG JOKE AFTER ALL

TURKISH ARREST WARRANT FINALLY GETS SARAH FERGUSON TO STAY IN ENGLAND

QUEEN ELIZABETH READY TO DIE ALONE AND FORGOTTEN AFTER TAXPAYERS REFUSE TO BUY NEW YACHT

EU OFFICIALS FORGOT HUNGARY WAS MEMBER UNTIL THEY REQUESTED EXIT

ISRAEL GETTING REALLY EXCITED ABOUT POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAN

CAPTAIN WHO RAN CRUISE SHIP AGROUND IN ITALY COULD’VE SWORN THE THING HAD WHEELS

QUEEN ELIZABETH SAYS CHARLES WILL HAVE TO WRENCH THE CROWN FROM HER COLD, DEAD HANDS

CHINA WILL PROBABLY KEEP BUYING OIL FROM WHOMEVER THEY DAMN WELL PLEASE

IRAN SAYS THEY ARE CLOSE TO NUKES, AMERICA DESERVES DEATH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

GREEK GOVERNMENT INITATES PLAN TO SELL CHILDREN TO MAKE UP BUDGET GAPS

ROBOTS GET OUT OF CONTROL AND TAKE OVER JAPANESE FARMS

QUEEN ELIZABETH STILL CAN’T GET OVER CHARLES AND DIANA SPLIT

PROSECUTORS WANT TO ENSURE MUBARAK GETS THE DEATH PENALTY ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

AUSTRALIA LAUNCHES FLEET OF HYBRID SHARKS IN FIRST STAGE OF WORLD DOMINATION

MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD FINALLY FREE TO HATE ISRAEL PUBLICLY

IRAN GIVES U.S. CARRIER ONE WARNING, WILL NOT GIVE A SECOND

CASTRO AND CHAVEZ FINALLY MAKE THE TOP TEN WORST DICTATOR LIST IN 2011

JAPAN STARTS OFF 2012 WITH NEW YEAR'S EARTHQUAKE, BUT NO NUCLEAR CATACLYSM

AWWW, KIM JONG-UN MAKES HIS FIRST INTERNATIONAL WAR THREAT

WORLD JOINS IN CELEBRATION FOR THE LAST NEW YEAR HUMANITY WILL EVER SEE

FRANCE MAKES IT HARDER FOR FRENCH PEOPLE TO REMAIN FRENCH

U.S. DARES IRAN TO CUT OFF OIL SUPPLY TO THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD

INTERPOL SAYS ROGUE BREAST IMPLANT SURGEON MAY BE ARMED AND DANGEROUS

IRAQI PRIME MINISTER PROMISES RIVERS OF BLOOD WITH U.S. FORCES GONE

IRAN DEPLOYS MASSIVE FLEET OF REALLY SCARY BOATS IN STRAIT OF HORMUZ

EUROPE BECOMING ONE BIG GENOCIDE HAPPY FAMILY

ARGENTINE GOVERNMENT SEIZES CONTROL OF NEWSPAPERS AS EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT

DEATH OF KIM JONG-IL CAUSES NATURE TO GO WILD, GODS TO GET ANGRY

EARLY INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS KIM JONG-UN LIKES STARCRAFT, DORITOS, SWEATING

THAT DINGO STILL STEALING BABIES FROM ALL OVER AUSTRALIA

KIM JONG-IL’S SON PROBABLY LIKES NUKES JUST AS MUCH AS HIS DAD

KIM JONG-IL OFFICIALLY DECLARED DEAD AFTER DECADE OR SO OF BEING DEAD

EGYPT HITTING UP WOMEN LIKE CRAZY IN NEW REGIME

RUSSIA SEIZES NUCLEAR MATERIAL BOUND FOR IRAN AND SENDS IT ON IT’S WAY

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER UNABLE TO AFFORD NEW CLOTHES FOR HIS FAMILY

IRAN PLAYING THE TOUGH GUY IN CLOSURE OF ESSENTIAL STRAIT

SARKOZY GETTING READY TO SPLIT EUROPE IN TWO

LATVIAN BANKS SUFFER RUN ON ROCKS AND PEBBLES AMIDST RUMOURS AND VAMPIRES

MASSIVE PROTESTS LOOKING FOR OUSTER NOT WHAT PUTIN HAD IN MIND

ROBERT MUGABE CALLS ELECTIONS TO HELP WEED OUT CORRUPTION IN COUNTRY

U.K. MAY WITHDRAW FROM EUROPE ENTIRELY AFTER REJECTING EU VOTE

SARKOZY WILL NOT GIVE EUROPE A SECOND CHANCE THIS TIME

MIKHAIL GORBACHEV FINALLY STARTING A COUP HE CAN CALL HIS OWN

ANXIOUS GREEKS WALKING OUT OF BANKS WITH POCKETS FULL OF CHANGE

CHINA GETTING NAVY READY FOR WAR

BRITAIN CRACKING DOWN ON ILLEGAL WHALE IMMIGRATION

CANADIANS WILLING TO JUST LET THE ENVIRONMENT ROT BY EXITING KYOTO PROTOCOL

POOR ELECTION RESULTS MAY PROMPT PUTIN TO DO AWAY WITH DEMOCRACY ENTIRELY

MAN-EATING BANANAS CAUSE PANIC ACROSS MOZAMBIQUE

GADDAFI’S DAUGHTER RALLIES FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO OVERTHROW NEW LIBYAN REGIME

PAKISTAN STILL MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT ALL THOSE DEAD SOLDIERS

NORWEGIAN MASS MURDERER LIKELY TO GO FREE AFTER BEING DECLARED INSANE

IRAN TO FIRE ALL THE MISSILES IN THE WORLD ON ISRAEL IF ATTACKED

FRANCE JUST LETTING GERMANY DO WHAT IT WANTS THROUGH EUROZONE CRISIS

EGYPTIANS GETTING SICK OF WAITING IN LINE TO VOTE

IRAN READY TO HIT TURKEY, ISRAEL, AND ANYONE ELSE THEY WANT

PUTIN HUMBLY ACCEPTS PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION

NATO TELLS PAKISTAN TO CHILL AFTER IT KILLS A WHOLE LOT OF THEIR SOLDIERS

FIRE SALE ON ITALIAN DEBT FALLS FLAT DESPITE FREE GARLIC BREAD OFFER

ILLEGAL ARMY GAINING GROUND ON BORDER PATROL AGENTS

IRAN CLAIMS ARREST OF CIA SPIES IS PEACEFUL IN NATURE

RUSSIA TURNING IT’S MISSILES BACK ON THE UNITED STATES

JAPANESE SEISMOLOGIST FEELS VINDICATED BY FUKUSHIMA DISASTER

TORONTO ZOO AT RISK OF REBELLION FOLLOWING PLANS TO TRANSFER ELEPHANTS

SYRIA PROMISES TO KEEP KILLING UNTIL THE KILLING IS DONE

OFFICIALS MAKE IT CLEAR THAT EUROPEAN WATER DOES NOT HYDRATE

HILLARY CLINTON HOPING FOR CIVIL WAR IN SYRIA

RUSSIAN MILITARY CHIEF THREATENS NUCLEAR WAR

U.S. MOVING TROOPS INTO TROUBLED AUSTRALIAN OUTBACK

HUNDREDS OF NORTH KOREAN EXPERTS WORKING ON IRANIAN NUKES BRINGS SWEET RELIEF TO THE WEST

FUKUSHIMA NUCLEAR PLANT WILL OPEN TO THE PUBLIC, EVENTUALLY

IRAN THIS CLOSE TO GETTING NUCLEAR WEAPONS

EUROPE LIKELY NUKED OR LEAKING OR SOMETHING WITH ALL THE RADIATION

WELSH RESIDENTS OFFERED OPPORTUNITY TO OPT-OUT OF ORGAN REMOVAL

HUGO CHAVEZ CANCER PROGRESSING VERY NICELY ACCORDING TO U.S. SOURCES

CANADIAN ZOO IN MIDST OF GAY PENGUIN RIGHTS DEBATE

BERLUSCONI SET TO RESIGN AND GET A LOT MORE SLEEP

BERLUSCONI JUST TRYING TO GET A LITTLE SLEEP AMIDST ALL THE ECONOMIC CHAOS

IRAN ONLY WEEKS AWAY FROM LAUNCHING NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST

150 DEAD IN NIGERIA RUINS KIM KARDASHIAN TRIP TO COUNTRY

NAZIS FINALLY FIND A WAY TO TAKE RUSSIA WITH CIVIL PROTESTS

ISRAEL DOES STUFF TO PALESTINIAN BOATS OR SOMETHING

IRANIAN PILOT SUSPENDED FOR NOT CRASHING PLANE AND EMBARRASSING THE REGIME

U.S. FEARS ATTACK ON IRAN BY ISRAEL WILL BE OFF THE HOOK

GREECE DOESN’T REALLY WANT BAILOUT MONEY AFTER ALL

YET ANOTHER SOCIALIST LATIN LEADER DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER

NEWLY RELEASED DOCUMENTS SHOW SADDAM HUSSEIN MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE FUNNY IN THE HEAD

PRINCE CHARLES RESURRECTS DRACULA TO SAVE TREES IN ROMANIA

ANOTHER FRIDAY, ANOTHER GUNFIGHT IN SARAJEVO

CHINA MAY JUST BUY ALL OF EUROPE IN ONE GO

SYRIAN HOSPITALS ACCUSED OF TORTURE, BAD FOOD, RUDENESS

ANGELA MERKEL WARNS OF WAR MEASURES IF EURO FAILS

LATEST POLL NUMBERS SHOW DECLINE FOR SYRIA’S ASSAD

IRAQ DIDN’T WANT U.S. TROOPS IN THE COUNTRY ANYWAYS

GADDAFI MAY BE THE RICHEST MAN STORED IN A FREEZER IN THE WORLD

ZEUS IGNORES GREEK CALLS FOR NEW LOAN AGREEMENT

AFGHANISTAN TO USE U.S. FORCES TO BACK PAKISTAN IN WAR WITH U.S.

TURKEY SHAKES UP THE REGION WITH MAJOR QUAKE

HUGO CHAVEZ DECLARES HIMSELF FREE FROM THE BONDS OF CAPITALIST CANCER

VIDEO SHOWS DECEASED GADDAFI LOOKING BETTER THAN EVER

GADDAFI DEAD; REBEL GOVERNMENT BEGINS CRUSHING CELEBRATIONS

CANADA RAILS AGAINST IRAN; IRAN IS LIKE WHY YOU HATIN’ CANADA?

BRITISH NAVY THWARTED IN ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE MICHELLE OBAMA

THE U.S. LAUNCHES NEW WAR IN UGANDA IN BID TO TAKE AFRICA ONCE AND FOR ALL

INDIA AND PAKISTAN FIND ANOTHER REASON TO GO TO WAR

PRIME MINISTERS MAY PAVE THE WAY FOR A GIRL TO LEAD THE MONARCHY

SEAL, HILARY SWANK KILL AT BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR CHECHEN DICTATOR

U.N. STUDY SHOWS LIFE PRETTY TOUGH AT AFGHAN PRISONS

YEMENI PRESIDENT SAYS HE DOESN’T REALLY WANT TO BE IN CHARGE ANYWAYS

MEXICAN GANG MAKES A HUGE SPLASH WITH DOZENS OF KILLINGS

THE NETHERLANDS TO OUTLAW MARIJUANA, AT LEAST THE GOOD STUFF

IRANIAN NUCLEAR PROGRAM BLOWING UP ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

NORTH KOREA SEEKING TO END TYRANNY OF FOOD CONSUMPTION IN COUNTRY

ANGELINA JOLIE EXPANDS HER ROLE IN THE UNITED NATIONS

SYRIA THREATENS TO ATTACK ISRAEL, RAIN FIRE, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

YEMENI WARPLANE MAKES SUCCESSFUL STRIKE ON HOME BASE

U.S. PLOTTING MASSIVE MILITARY CAMPAIGN AGAINST FORMER ALLY PAKISTAN

POLAND OFFICIALLY A BETTER COUNTRY THAN BRITAIN

JAPANESE PILOT ACCIDENTALLY PUSHES UPSIDE DOWN BUTTON DURING FLIGHT

AMANDA KNOX STARTING TO LOOK AWFUL DURING APPEALS TRIAL

HUGO CHAVEZ HOSPITALIZED WITH FAILING CAPITALIST KIDNEY

IRAN PLEDGES WARSHIPS, TUGBOATS ALONG THE U.S. COASTLINE

BRAZILIAN BEACH OVERWHELMED WITH BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER PIRANHAS

HUGO CHAVEZ INSISTS FOUR ROUNDS OF CHEMO HAVE ONLY MADE HIM STRONGER

SAUDI WOMEN GET RIGHT TO VOTE FOR WHOEVER THEIR HUSBANDS TELL THEM TO VOTE FOR

INDIA DETERMINES THAT GIRLS JUST AREN’T WORTH THE PRICE OF HEART SURGERY

MEDVEDEV SUPPORTS PUTIN FOR PRESIDENT, COOKS HIM BREAKFAST

CANADIAN SERIAL KILLER CLIFFORD OLSON MOCKED ON DEATH BED

IRAN AND ISRAEL MOVING CLOSER TO ASSASSIN-NUCLEAR SCIENTIST GAP

PALESTINIANS STILL SEEKING 200-YEAR SHORTCUT TO PEACE

REQUEST TO GO CAMPING BY NORWEGIAN MASS MURDERER DENIED

NEW SATELLITE PHOTOS SHOW SECRETIVE NORTH KOREAN DAY CAMP

GIANT CROCODILE CAUGHT IN THE PHILIPPINES LIKELY JUST BIDING HIS TIME

GERMANY MAY BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE GRIP ON GREECE FOR GREATER GOALS

U.S. AND CHINA SCARED OF A GIRL IN TAIWAN

PRINCE CHARLES THREATENS HUMANITY WITH EXTINCTION

EUROPE MAY CLOSE DOWN IF ECONOMIC CRISIS CAN’T BE RESOLVED

PRINCE HARRY CONTINUES FAMILY TRADITION BY SPENDING BILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE’S DOLLARS

TALIBAN OFFERS BIN LADEN UP FOR TRIAL A LITTLE TOO LATE

BRITAIN DECIDES TO END SLAVERY ON THE ISLAND

ITALY TURNS TO CHINA FOR POSSIBLE BUYOUT

ISRAEL UNVEILS DOOMSDAY WEAPON AS TENSIONS IN REGION MOUNT

FIDEL CASTRO STRUCK DOWN AND BECOMES MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER

NIGER BECOMING THE GO-TO HOLIDAY DESTINATION FOR OUSTED LIBYAN STRONGMEN

U.S. HAS NO REGRETS IN KILLING OF REPORTER FOR INSURGENT BBC NEWS

FRENCH NUCLEAR PLANT EXPLODES KILLING ONE, MAKING DOZENS SNOOTY

NEW TERRORIST THREAT SHOWS AL-ZAWAHIRI IS GETTING THINGS DONE AS NEW HEAD OF AL-QAEDA

GADDAFI TROOPS FLOOD INTO NIGER AND START TAKING CONTROL

CANADA MASSING AN ARMY TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE ARCTIC

GADDAFI COMPLAINING SMUGGLERS STEALING HIS GUNS, MISSILES

100 DEAD IN LEAST DESTRUCTIVE TRAGEDY TO HIT NIGERIA THIS YEAR

THINGS GETTING CRAZY AT TRIPOLI PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL

WIKILEAK DOCUMENTS REVEAL POSSIBLE POLLUTION PROBLEMS IN CHINA

EVERYONE TO GET A CHANCE TO USE LIBYAN WEAPONS

GADDAFI STAYING IN COUNTRY AS HOME UNDERGOES MASSIVE RENOVATION

LIBYAN PARTY PLANNERS HAVING TROUBLE GETTING INVITATION TO GADDAFI

IRANIAN CAMPING INDUSTRY TAKES HIT AFTER AMERICANS CONVICTED ON HIKING CHARGES

GORBACHEV PLOTTING A COUP OF HIS OWN

GERMANY PUSHING FOR COLLECTIVE GOVERNMENT AGAIN, FRANCE WILLING

HOBBYISTS SECRETLY REBUILDING THE BERLIN WALL

NORWEGIAN GUNMAN RETURNS TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME FOR MORE

LIBYAN REBELS LAUNCH NEW OFFENSIVE AGAINST LOYALIST RESTAURANTS

INDONESIA TO PREMIERE TV VERSION OF WHO WANTS TO MARRY A CANNIBAL

HULKAMANIA COMES TO ENGLAND TO DEAL WITH RIOTERS

GADDAFI’S SON RETURNS FROM THE DEAD IN LIBYA, AGAIN

REPORT FINDS SUNKEN RUSSIAN RIVERBOAT HAD ILLEGAL NUMBER OF HOLES IN HULL

U.S. ENCOURAGING SYRIAN PRESIDENT TO GO ON VACATION FOR A LITTLE WHILE

RESTAURANTS SCORE MAJOR VICTORY AFTER CHINA LIFTS DOG BAN

ALLIES CALL ON DAVID CAMERON TO STEP DOWN IN FACE OF BRITISH RIOTS

TALIBAN SUCCEEDS WHERE BIN LADEN FAILED IN KILLING OF NAVY SEALS

DOZENS MISSING AS IRAN CRACKS DOWN ON ILLEGAL WATER GUN FIGHT

INTERPOL CRACKING DOWN ON INTERNATIONAL HAIR TRADE

HEATHER MILLS LOOKING FOR CASH SETTLEMENT IN PHONE HACKING CASE

FILIPINO DWARVES CREATE COLONY, YELLOW BRICK ROAD

SWEDEN CRACKING DOWN ON HOMEMADE NUCLEAR REACTORS

ISRAEL HITS HAMAS TARGETS AFTER GENERAL STRIKE STOPS GARBAGE COLLECTION

HITLER KITTY RAPIDLY TAKING TERRITORY IN ANIMAL SHELTER

CHINA BUILDING MASSIVE AIRCRAFT CARRIER FOR TRAINING AND FLOWER DELIVERY

HOSNI MUBARAK DEFIANTLY REFUSING TO EAT HOSPITAL FOOD

NORWEGIAN PRIME MINISTER REALLY GLAD SHE DIDN’T GO CAMPING LAST WEEK

NORWEGIAN FAILS TO STOP SPREAD OF THE THING IN MASS SHOOTING

PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO NORWAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE AFTER BOMB EXPLODES

CLINTON TELLS THAT JIVE TURKEY TO COOL IT ON HUMAN RIGHTS

BRITAIN JUST ABOUT OUT OF FISH

HAMID KARZAI’S BOTTOM LINE TAKES HIT WITH ASSASSINATION OF BROTHER

INDIA ENDS TWO DAY TRAIN CRASH FREE STREAK WITH DEADLY ACCIDENT

IRAN LAUNCHES ATTACK AGAINST THE INDIAN OCEAN

SOUTH SUDAN MARKS INDEPENDENCE DAY WITH INVASION OF DARFUR

SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH CLEARED IN 1879 MURDER CASE

NEW THAI PRIME MINISTER BELIEVED TO BE MOSTLY A WOMAN

MOSCOW RESIDENTS STILL FEELING THE PAIN OF STALIN’S LEGACY WITH POPLAR INFESTATION

SARKOZY SILENT AFTER PLOT AGAINST STRAUSS-KAHN UNRAVELS

PRINCE HARRY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING OFFER TO BECOME KING OF CANADA

NORTH KOREA GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT CANNIBALISM

IF HE DIES, HUGO CHAVEZ VOWS TO HAUNT CAPITALISTS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

HUGO CHAVEZ FIGHTS ILLNESS BROUGHT ON BY RAMPANT CAPITALISM

IRAN SCARES ITSELF INTO MAKING NUCLEAR WEAPONS

ITALY SURPRISES NO ONE BY BEING THE FIRST TO BREAK RANKS IN LIBYA MISSION

IRAN FORMULATES NEW PLAN TO ATTACK FOREIGN COUNTRIES WITH MONKEYS FROM SPACE

U.S. FORMING COALITION GOVERNMENT WITH AFGHAN TALIBAN

AL-ZAWAHIRI INAUGURATION TO TAKE PLACE IN PAKISTAN

AMERICAN SHIPS RETURNING TO VIETNAMESE SHORES TO FINALLY FINISH THE JOB

THE DALAI LAMA QUITE UNDERSTANDABLY MISTAKES AUSTRALIAN PM FOR A MAN

IRAN TO PRODUCE NUCLEAR WEAPON WITHIN TWO MONTHS

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU MAKES MOVES TO RECOGNIZE PALESTINIAN STATEHOOD

SCHOOLCHILDREN GETTING FRONTLINE EDUCATION IN LIBYA

JAPANESE VILLAGE STANDS STRONG AGAINST TSUNAMI FORCES

WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL CONSIDERING DISMISSAL AFTER MLADIC CLAIMS INNOCENCE

GADDAFI PARANOID ABOUT BEING KILLED BY NATO AFTER NATO THREATENS TO KILL HIM

IN MODERN RUSSIA, VLADIMIR PUTIN TO RETAKE PRESIDENCY

A WOMAN, YES A WOMAN, THE FAVOURITE TO TAKE OVER IMF

SAUDI WOMAN DEFIES BAN BY DRIVING BADLY ACROSS THE COUNTRY

PILOT AND PASSENGER PULLED FROM WRECKAGE OF WWII PLANE NOT SURE WHEN THEY ARE

NEW PROBLEM IN LIBYA; GADDAFI MAY BE INDESTRUCTIBLE

AFTER CONVICTION, 91-YEAR OLD NAZI SET FREE TO KILL AGAIN

PALIN AND BACHMANN UNLIKELY TO FIGHT OUT REPUBLICAN NOMINATION IN MUD WRESTLING RING

DRUNK RUSSIAN ALIEN SUCCUMBS TO EXPOSURE

BRITAIN AN EASY TARGET AS THEY RUN OUT OF MONEY

U.S. HAS NO IMMEDIATE PLANS TO FLY PLANE INTO FORMER BIN LADEN ESTATE

IRAN REMOVES SORCERERS FROM TOP GOVERNMENT POSITIONS

BIN LADEN HOME MOVIES SHOW SOFTER SIDE TO TERRORIST LEADER

GREECE READY TO LEAVE EU AND EVERYONE OKAY WITH THAT

GADDAFI APPARENTLY HEARING SEALS HARPING OUTSIDE HIS COMPOUND

PAKISTANI INTELLIGENCE REMOVES BIN LADEN BUNNIES FROM FAMILY

ROYAL WATCHERS FEAR THE WORST AFTER WILLS AND KATE CANCEL HONEYMOON

IRAN SHEDS LAST REMNANTS OF WESTERN DECADENCE WITH BAN ON DOGS

PRINCE CHARLES STILL WAITING PATIENTLY FOR INVITE TO ROYAL WEDDING

CHINESE GOVERNMENT BANS ALL FORMS OF TIME TRAVEL

HOSNI MUBARAK’S HEART NOT REALLY INTO QUESTIONING

YAKUZA GROUPS STRIKE HUMANITARIAN CHORD WITH TSUNAMI RELIEF EFFORT

LAURENT GBAGBO HAPPILY STEPS DOWN AFTER FOUR MONTH TRANSITION PROCESS

TENSIONS BETWEEN ARMENIA AND GEORGIA REACH PEAK WITH INTERNET ATTACK

JAPAN STILL ROCKIN’ AND ROLLIN’ RECOVERY EFFORT

NATO STRIKES DELIVER BLOW TO REBEL STRONGHOLD NEAR BREGA

DELAY IN PRECHECKED BALLOTS CAUSES ELECTION CHAOS IN NIGERIA

BELGIAN POLITICIANS STILL WAFFLING AFTER SETTING RECORD FOR NO GOVERNMENT

AL-QAEDA JOINS NATO COALITION IN FIGHT AGAINST GADDAFI

ALLIED FORCES MAKING THEMSELVES AT HOME LIBYA

REBEL FORCES TAKE DOWN CANADIAN GOVERNMENT

BRITISH ANARCHISTS FINALLY BREAK THEIR WAY INTO THE RITZ HOTEL

JAPANESE MILITARY ON GUARD AFTER NUKE WORKERS STEP IN RADIOACTIVE WASTE

U.S. AND AL-QAEDA FINALLY FIND COMMON GROUND IN SUPPORT FOR LIBYAN REBELS

WYCLEF JEAN SHOT BY ERRANT PIECE OF GLASS IN HAITI

ANN COULTER LOOKING TO SUNBATHE AT JAPANESE NUCLEAR FACILITIES

GADDAFI WELCOMES EUROPEAN AND AMERICAN VISITORS WITH OPEN ARMS

GADDAFI FORCES CELEBRATE CEASEFIRE WITH ROCKET SHELLS

JAPAN EAGERLY AWAITING WORD FROM HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES FOLLOWING DISASTER

THAT THING IN LIBYA STILL GOING ON DESPITE JAPANESE DISASTER

POLL SHOWS 92 PERCENT OF AFGHANS HAVEN’T HEARD OF 9/11, POLLS

EXPERTS CLAIM JAPANESE GOVERNMENT SUPPRESSING NUKE, GIANT LIZARD INFO

THINGS HEATING UP AT JAPANESE NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS

PLAN FOR AUSTRALIA TO ABSORB NEW ZEALAND BACK ON TRACK FOLLOWING EARTHQUAKE

U.S. COAST A LITTLE DAMP AFTER EARTHQUAKE AND TSUNAMI KILLS HUNDREDS IN JAPAN

FRANCE TO BOMB LIBYA AND THEN QUICKLY GIVE IN TO REBEL FORCES

GADDAFI STILL ENJOYING NATIONWIDE GOING AWAY PARTY

WAR IMMINENT AFTER TWO U.S. SOLDIERS KILLED IN GERMANY

UN SANCTIONS ON LIBYA SEIZES GADDAFI HOUSE IN THE HAGUE

MEXICAN TERRORISM JUST NOT TAKING OFF LIKE EVERYONE EXPECTED

TENSIONS IN LIBYA STRAIN FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN OBAMA AND GADDAFI

ARAB NATIONS NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR LEADERSHIP POSITIONS

LIBYA BREAKING UP STREET PARTIES WITH LIVE ROUNDS

CANADA STARTS SPREADING ASBESTOS AROUND THE GLOBE

GRISLY DISCOVERIES REVEAL THAT MOST OF JAPAN’S ELDERLY ARE ALREADY DEAD

MEXICAN MILITARY SENDS SCOUTING UNIT TO TEXAS IN PRELUDE TO INVASION

VEGAS ODDSMAKERS TAKING BETS ON WHICH DICTATOR WILL BE THE NEXT TO FALL

IN THE MIDST OF PROTESTS ALGERIA SHUTS DOWN INTERNET ACCESS FOR ALL 14 USERS

MUBARAK STEPS DOWN BUT DRIVERS STILL FRUSTRATED AT TRAFFIC SNARLS IN TAHRIR SQUARE

BERLUSCONI CONTINUING TO HAVE SEX EVEN AS PROTESTS MOUNT

DESPITE CONCERNS GEOLOGISTS DETERMINE THAT CHINA IS IN NO DANGER OF COLLIDING WITH THE U.S.

WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS PARASAILING DONKEY DIES OF HEART FAILURE

HOSNI MUBARAK FEELING ALL ALONE AFTER RULING PARTY QUITS COUNTRY

FACEBOOK OFFICIALS DEEPLY CONCERNED AFTER EGYPT SHUTS DOWN ACCESS TO SOCIAL NETWORKS

BULL SHARKS STALKING AUSTRALIAN STREETS

STUXNET WORM STILL IN HIDING; WORLD DOMINATION POSSIBLE

OSAMA BIN LADEN THREATENS FRANCE, INFIDELS, SOME GUY NAMED MIKE

BABY DOC DUVALIER WILLING TO ACCEPT BURDEN OF RULE IN HAITI AGAIN

EVERYONE TO GET A CHANCE AT BEING PRESIDENT IN TUNISIA

MOSSAD DEMANDS RETURN OF CAPTURED SPY VULTURE

U.S. BORDER PATROL BEEFING UP PRESENCE IN AFGHANISTAN

CHINA THE CHIEF SUSPECT AFTER HONG KONG ACTIVIST DIES FROM LONG CANCER BATTLE

THE APOCALYPSE COMES EARLY FOR AUSTRALIA

LAURENT GBAGBO SETTLES IN FOR A NEW YEAR AS LEADER OF IVORY COAST

EGYPT STARTS THE NEW YEAR OFF WITH A BANG

BRAZIL SOLVES POPULATION PROBLEMS WITH MASSIVE UNDERWATER CITIES

GEORGE CLOONEY SEEKS TO END SUDANESE CONFLICT AND GET THE GIRL

SOUTH KOREA READY TO TAKE BACK TITLE OF BEST KOREA

TURKEY RETHINKING POSITION ON ARMENIAN GENOCIDE AFTER TONGUE LASHING FROM KIM KARDASHIAN

CHINA SET TO BAN ENGLISH AHEAD OF WORLD DOMINATION

OFFICIALS TAKE NOTE AS ITALIAN RESIDENTS NOW START COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SMELL

FIJI ADJUSTING TO A NEW LIFE WITHOUT WATER

SYDNEY TO BE EXCAVATED FOR NATURAL GAS DEPOSIT

KABUL DEEMED THE SAFEST CITY IN THE WORLD

MOST QUEBECERS EMBRACE EUTHANASIA; REST OF CANADA HAS NO PROBLEM WITH THAT

IRAN LOOKING TO REVAMP OUTDATED STONING PROCEDURES

CANADIAN CROSSBOW CONTROL PROGRAM FACING MAJOR CHALLENGES AFTER MURDER

HEATING COSTS EXPECTED TO SKYROCKET AFTER SPANISH WOMAN PURCHASES THE SUN

LEONARDO DICAPRIO BRUSHES OFF ADVANCES FROM VLADIMIR PUTIN DURING RUSSIAN VISIT

INVESTIGATORS FIND JAWBONE NOT THAT OF NATALEE HOLLOWAY, TOSS IT BACK

NORTH KOREAN FIREWORKS DISPLAY GOES AWRY AND PUMMELS SOUTH KOREA

NEW URANIUM PLANT SHOWS NORTH KOREA IS STILL BEST KOREA

IRELAND PURSUES BAILOUT FUNDS IN LIQUID FORM

UNITED NATIONS RULING ALLOWS FOR THE ARBITRARY KILLING OF GAYS

GERMANY GIVES NOTICE OF IMPENDING ATTACK

KATE MIDDLETON STAYING OUT OF PARIS FOLLOWING ENGAGEMENT TO PRINCE WILLIAM

IRISH NAVY VICTORIOUS AGAINST POD OF PILOT WHALES

LUCRATIVE SOUTH AFRICAN URINE MARKET GETS A BOOST IN DURBAN

CHOLERA DEATH TARGET ON TRACK IN HAITI

OFFICIALS: MASKED MAN SNEAKING INTO CANADA DID NOT RECEIVE AEROPLAN MILES

THE LAST OF MEXICO’S POLICE FORCE CALLS IT QUITS AFTER ATTACK

AFGHAN GOVERNMENT GIVEN BAGS AND BAGS OF MONEY BY IRAN

HITLER EXHIBIT TEACHING A NATION HOW TO HATE AGAIN

VLADIMIR PUTIN AND WIFE MOVE INTO THE FIRST MOTEL 6 IN RUSSIA

BRITISH WAR MACHINE RAMPS UP AS PROTESTS THREATEN TO SHUT DOWN FRANCE

STONEHENGE TRAVELLER SACRIFICED NEAR MONUMENT

KIMCHI CRISIS THREATENS TO FURTHER DESTABILIZE KOREAN PENINSULA

QUEEN ELIZABETH DECIDES TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS

SOME CHILEAN MINERS DECIDE TO STAY TRAPPED RATHER THAN FACE ANGRY WIVES

TOXIC SLUDGE FLOODING HUNGARY BRINGS LITTLE CHANGE FOR RESIDENTS

GERMAN OFFICIALS ASSURE PUBLIC THAT DESPITE GOOGLE STREET VIEW COUNTRY IS NOT REALLY BLURRY

UKRAINIAN AUTHORITIES CHALLENGE ZEUS AND BRING DEATH TO US ALL

KIM JONG-UN GIVEN PRESIDENTIAL HAIR DRYER

UNITED STATES DECLARES WAR ON THE PHILIPPINES

INDIA ABOUT TO SINK INTO THE EARTH’S CORE

FRESH BOMB HOAX PROMPTS OFFICIALS TO PUSH FOR THE REAL THING

KILLER SPIDERS TAKING OVER MADAGASCAR

COLOMBIAN POLICE TAKE DOWN INFAMOUS LORENZO THE PARROT

BRITISH POLICE ON THE HUNT FOR SERIAL KILLER SWAN

GERMANY MAKING PLANS TO LIQUIDATE GYPSY CAMPS, AGAIN

MI5 PLANNING SPECTACULAR IRA ATTACK

TONY BLAIR MEMOIR INCLUDES LINES FROM DIE HARD, STAR WARS

MASSIVE NEW ZEALAND QUAKE SHOWS WEALTHY COUNTRIES UNPREPARED FOR DISASTERS

CHINESE SUPER WEAPON TO DECIDE THE FATE OF THE PACIFIC

PAKISTAN FLOODING LEAVES MILLIONS WET AND ANNOYED: U.N.

THE MOST ISOLATED MAN IN THE WORLD ‘KIND OF A JERK’

STUDY FINDS CANADIANS MOSTLY MADE OF PLASTIC

ISRAEL ISSUED DOUBLE DARE ON IRAN ATTACK

U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL IMPRESSED WITH SCALE OF DESTRUCTION IN PAKISTAN

IRANIANS BEGIN TRADITIONAL SUMMER GRAVE DIGGING FESTIVAL

EUROPE WAITING FOR CHANCE TO STRIKE AS HEAT WAVE DEATH TOLL INCREASES IN RUSSIA

CASTRO PLANNING NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE AGAIN

TIBETAN MASTIFF SETS RECORD FOR MOST EXPENSIVE MEAL IN CHINA

WYCLEF JEAN TO FOLLOW IN BEST TRADITION OF HAITIAN LEADERSHIP

WINSTON CHURCHILL’S SECRET ALIEN PARENTAGE REVEALED

PETA INVESTIGATING TAIWANESE MOSQUITO HOLOCAUST

UMBRELLA SALES SPIKE IN FLOODED NORTHWEST PAKISTAN

VLADIMIR PUTIN ARRIVES TO PUT OUT MASSIVE RUSSIAN FIRE PERSONALLY

BOSNIAN MAN TARGETED BY ALIENS OSTRACIZED BY SOCIETY

ANTI-IMMIGRATION PARTY ASKED TO LEAVE BUCKINGHAM PALACE

NEW IRISH GUN LAW EXPECTED TO BRING INCREASE IN DRUNKEN SHOOTINGS

DUTCH TEEN TO BECOME NEXT PERSON TO FAIL IN AROUND THE WORLD SEA VOYAGE

CHINESE OFFICIALS: UFO WITNESSES DID NOT SEE ANYTHING

GREENLAND LAUNCHES ICEBERG AGAINST EASTERN SEABOARD OF CANADA

HAITIANS HOPING FOR ANOTHER QUAKE AS MONEY RUNS DRY

LEPRECHAUN INQUIRY VINDICATES CHARGES OF COLLUSION

SOUTH AFRICAN NUCLEAR DEVICE STILL DOESN’T SELL AT 200 BUCKS

ECONOMIC CHALLENGES, GIANT LIZARDS FACING NEW JAPANESE PRIME MINISTER

BOSNIA FINALLY GETS AROUND TO BURYING MASSACRE VICTIMS

GERMAN COURT LEGALIZES EUTHANASIA, AGAIN

KIM JONG-IL EAGERLY ANTICIPATING BIEBER FEVER

NAOMI CAMPBELL STILL TOO BIG FOR WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL

IRAN JUST ABOUT READY WITH THE NUKES

NORTH KOREA DEMANDS 100 TRILLION DOLLARS

WORLD PREPARES AID PACKAGE AS EARTHQUAKE SHAKES CANADA

JORAN VAN DER SLOOT HESITANT TO MARRY AFTER RECENT HEARTBREAKS

CHINA IN EARLY NEGOTIATIONS TO BUY GREECE

ZIMBABWE MOVES TROOPS TO BORDER AS BOTSWANA INCREASE VUVUZELA PRODUCTION

IRANIAN OFFICIALS SHOCKED OVER HUMAN RIGHTS CRITICISM

ISRAEL FREAK FRUITS FORGE A NEW PATH TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE

ETHNIC VIOLENCE IN KYRGYZSTAN FLARES; CHRISTINA AGUILERA’S NEW ALBUM FLOPS

MYANMAR TRYING TO BUILD NUCLEAR WEAPONS FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON

NO ONE REALLY CARES AS SWITZERLAND IS INVADED BY ELEPHANTS

GERMANS CELEBRATE 66TH ANNIVERSARY OF D-DAY INVITATION

JORAN VAN DER SLOOT STILL HAVING TERRIBLE LUCK WITH GIRLS

ISRAELI BLOCKADE PUTS AN END TO MILEY CYRUS CONCERTS

TALIBAN BRINGING WAR GAME SHOW TO PAKISTANI COUNTRYSIDE

POLAND COOKING UP SOMETHING FOR MUSLIM IMMIGRANTS

“VOTING” UNDERWAY IN ETHIOPIA

160 DEAD AS OVERLOADED INDIAN PLANE GOES OFF RUNWAY

ATTACK ON SOMALI PARLIAMENT THREATENS NATION’S LAW PAMPHLET

FRENCH WOMAN KEEPS HER HEAD THROUGH IRANIAN CAPTIVITY, RETURNS HOME

FRANCE THREATENS TO PULL OUT OF EUROPE

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER STICKS HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH IN CANNIBALISM FLAP

MUSLIM WOMEN MAY BE FORCED TO GO NAKED IN FRANCE

GREECE ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

GROUND OPENS UP IN ETHIOPIA THREATENING TO SWALLOW THE CONTINENT

ASSASSINATED TALIBAN LEADER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD

SOUTH KOREA VOWS HARSH LANGUAGE OVER WARSHIP SINKING

GREEK OFFICIALS CONSIDER LETTING GERMANY TAKE OVER AS DEBT CRISIS WORSENS

MANUEL NORIEGA FINALLY GETS ANOTHER NIGHT IN PARIS

NOAH’S ARK FOUND IN TURKEY BUT APPARENTLY NOT SEAWORTHY

CHINESE ONE CHILD POLICY MAY BE EASED TO AID IN EFFORT TO RULE THE WORLD

AFTER ROUGH START TO THE YEAR WAVE OF BOMBINGS KILL DOZENS IN IRAQ

FERDINAND MARCOS MAKES SURPRISE APPEARANCE ON CAMPAIGN TRAIL

U.N. MULLING PLAN TO ELIMINATE ICELAND PERMANENTLY

ALL THREE PLANES IN FINNISH AIR FORCE GROUNDED BY VOLCANIC ASH

WHALING PEACE PLAN EXPECTED TO GO AHEAD THIS YEAR

AHMADINEJAD DECLARES IRAN THE MIGHTIEST COUNTRY EVER

END OF THE WORLD COMES EARLY FOR EUROPE

RAPE IN CAMBODIA FINALLY ON THE RISE

TERRORISTS FINALLY GET A HOLD OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS

CHINESE EARTHQUAKE STILL DOESN’T BEAT HAITI

U.S. CONSIDERING JUST NUKING AFGHANISTAN FROM ORBIT

OUSTED PRESIDENT OF KYRGYZSTAN KEEPS TALKING LIKE ANYONE CARES

POLAND CONSIDERS BANNING AIRFLIGHT AFTER PRESIDENT DIES IN CRASH

METALLICA ANNOYING THE TALIBAN AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ELSE

ITALIANS ON ALERT FOR WILD PROSTITUTES

LAST MEMBER OF WORLD’S EARLIEST TRIBE FINALLY DIES

SWIMMING LESSONS GO AWRY AS DOZENS OF BABIES WASH ASHORE IN CHINA

WOMEN’S RIGHTS SET TO BLOW UP ALONGSIDE MOSCOW METRO

IRAN REPORTEDLY PLANNING NEW ATOMIC SITES IN ISRAEL, U.S.

RUSSIAN MILITARY ON HIGH ALERT AFTER STRING OF ICICLE ATTACKS

NETANYAHU DISTRAUGHT AFTER BEING STOOD UP FOR DINNER

COSTA RICA INVESTIGATING MYSTERY BEHIND GIANT BALLS

LENIN UNHURT AFTER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT

ALERT FOR NATION OF GEORGIA

OFFICIALS FEAR POTENTIAL VIKING INVASION AHEAD OF 2012 OLYMPIC GAMES

INSIDER INSINUATES THAT NORTH KOREAN GOVERNMENT MAY BE CORRUPT

ISRAELI POLICE MAKING EFFORT TO ARREST CHILDREN PROPERLY

ETHNIC VIOLENCE IN NIGERIA LEAVES HUNDREDS OF NIGERIANS DEAD

ZOMBIE WOOLY MAMMOTHS STALKING NORTHERN SIBERIA

GRIZZLY BEARS INVADING CANADA’S CAPITAL

IRAQI ELECTIONS START OFF WITH A BANG

MEDVEDEV BEGINS PURGE AFTER PITIFUL OLYMPICS

DUBAI AQUARIUM CRACK SEALED UNTIL BETTER OPPORTUNITY ARRIVES

700 DEAD, 2 MILLION COMPLAINING AFTER CHILEAN QUAKE

ENGLAND TO WIPE OUT MOST EMBARRASSING HISTORICAL EVENTS

TURKISH COUP ATTEMPT MOSTLY CONCERNS TURKS

NATO STILL RACKING UP CIVILIAN KILLS IN AFGHANISTAN

JAPAN TO RESUME HUNT FOR LAST REMAINING WHALES

FLOODING IN PORTUGAL KILLS 38, MOSTLY PORTUGUESE

HARDLY ANYONE NOTICES AS DUTCH GOVERNMENT COLLAPSES

EVERY SINGLE CHINESE PERSON HAS FEELINGS HURT OVER DALAI LAMA VISIT

SARKOZY VISITS HAITI BUT RETURNS WITHOUT SLAVES

NEW COLOMBIAN LAW WILL ONLY ALLOW DEAD PEOPLE TO BE BURIED

CLINTON: IRAN PURSUING NUCLEAR ARMS, CHEMICAL LEGS

EU OFFERS GREECE ‘MORAL SUPPORT’

YULIA TYMOSHENKO ELECTION LOSS MAKES UKRAINE JOKE

EGYPT SET TO UNVEIL KING TUT DNA RESULTS ON ‘MAURY’

MEIN KAMPF TO BE REPUBLISHED IN GERMANY; MOVIE IN THE WORKS

FUTURISTIC RUSSIAN JET NOT REALLY FROM THE FUTURE

AUSTRALIA TO PAY FOR PORN STAR BREAST ENHANCEMENTS

PERU CLEARS OUT MACHU PICCHU AS PRELUDE TO INVASION

UNREPENTANT BLAIR READY TO ATTACK IRAQ AGAIN

ETHIOPIAN AIRPLANE CRASH LIKELY A RESULT OF THE PLANE BEING ETHIOPIAN

BIN LADEN CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHRISTMAS DAY ATTACK, ROBBINS-SARANDON SPLIT

HAITI QUAKE RESCUE OVER, EVERYONE GOING HOME

CHINA CLOSE TO FINALLY KILLING REMAINING WILD TIGERS

MAN WHO SHOT POPE FREE AND OFF TO DISNEYWORLD, AFTER A SMALL DETOUR

WORLD SHOCKED AS BOMBS EXPLODE, IN AFGHANISTAN

IRAQI OFFICIALS NOT SURE HOW TO EXECUTE CHEMICAL ALI SO MANY TIMES

RESCUE WORKERS FINDING HAITI “ICKY AND GROSS”

HAITIANS JUST LYING AROUND AS TOURISM DRIES UP

IRAQI WOMEN FORCED INTO REALLY BORING SEX SLAVERY

PORT-AU-PRINCE VASTLY IMPROVED AFTER QUAKE SHAKES THINGS UP IN HAITI

AUSCHWITZ ASKING FOR HELP, AGAIN

MILLIONS OF CHINESE MEN UNLIKELY TO EVER GET LAID AGAIN

HAITIAN SLAVERY FALLS TO ALL TIME LOWS

JAPANESE MAN SURVIVES HIROSHIMA AND NAGASAKI ONLY TO DIE OF OLD AGE

PAKISTANI BOMBING STARTS NEW YEAR OFF WITH A BANG

ISRAEL AT A LOSS AS EXECUTIONS FAIL TO DERAIL PEACE IN WEST BANK

CIA DEALT ‘DEVASTATING BLOW’ BY TALIBAN FORCES

YEMEN READY TO STRIKE WITH TERRORIST FORCES WHENEVER THEY ARE NEEDED

RUSSIA CONSIDERS DOING AWAY WITH TIME

WOMAN WHO KNOCKED DOWN POPE DIDN’T EVEN SEE HIM STANDING THERE

DOCTORS TO INVESTIGATE WHY HUGO CHAVEZ KEEPS SMELLING SULPHUR

TERRORIST GERRY ADAMS OPENS UP ABOUT TOUGH CHILDHOOD

IRAN ADMITS A COUPLE OF PRISONERS WERE BEAT TO DEATH

AFRICA FINALLY STARTING TO FATTEN UP

PHILIPPINE VOLCANO STILL A DANGER, TO FILIPINOS

TONY BLAIR ADMITS HE WOULD HAVE GONE INTO IRAQ BY HIMSELF

NAZI TWINS FIGHTING NAZI PAST

CATHOLIC CHURCH ORDERS FEEDING TUBE FOR SLEEPING MAN

HUNGARY ORDERS CHIMNEYS CLOSED TO SANTA TO PREVENT H1N1 SPREAD

U.S. SOLDIERS COMPLAINING ABOUT DIFFICULTY LEVEL IN AFGHAN WAR

HONDURAS TENSE AS ELECTION TESTS MATH SKILLS

RECORD SETTING MASSACRE BRINGS JUBILATION TO THE PHILIPPINES

CHINESE COAL MINE DISASTER ONLY KILLS 87

INDIAN MAN UNWELCOME IN EVERY COUNTRY ON THE PLANET

BELGIAN PRIME MINISTER BECOMES FIRST CREEPY PRESIDENT OF THE E.U.

IRAQI MILITARY CONTRACTOR IN HOT WATER AFTER DESTROYING RECYCLABLES

HUNGRY RUSSIANS STILL TRYING TO NORMALIZE CANNIBALISM

ANCIENT PERSIAN ARMY FINALLY SHOWS UP FOR WORK

MILLIONS CELEBRATE LOUSY CONSTRUCTION OF BERLIN WALL

FRANCE TRIES TO CALM CONCERNS ABOUT DESIGNER NUCLEAR REACTORS

NIGERIAN SPACE AGENCY GETS NEW ROCKS TO THROW AT THE MOON

NOTHING REALLY LOST AS SWINE FLU SHUTS UKRANIAN SCHOOLS

NAZI MEMOIR MAY REVEAL IF HITLER WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HOLOCAUST

GIANT SHARK THREATENS TO DEVOUR AUSTRALIA

AFGHANISTAN WAR ZONE DECLARED UNSAFE AFTER AMERICAN SOLDIERS KILLED

SARKOZY FINALLY STARTING TO GET OVER OBAMA

ALBINO HUNT COMES UNDER FIRE IN AFRICA  

AUSTRALIA GOES ROGUE AND SIDES WITH THE TERROISTS

RUSSIA PREPARES TO NUKE THE REST OF THE WORLD

SWEDEN TEMPORARILY KNOCKED OFF THE PLANET

AMERICANS URGED TO STOP SENDING JUNK FOOD TO STARVING PEOPLE

FRANCE THROWN INTO CHAOS AFTER GIANT DINOSAUR FOOTPRINTS FOUND

INDONESIAN EARTHQUAKE KILLS MOSTLY JERKS

PHILIPPINES RIDING THE WAVE OF TROPICAL STORM KETSANA

MADELEINE MCCANN PARENTS PLAN TO ‘JUST GET LOST’ DURING TRIP TO PORTUGAL

CANADIAN OFFICIALS EXPECT NATIVES WILL NEED BODY BAGS NO MATTER WHAT

TERRORISTS BEING STARVED OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME

FRENCH TO FORGO MONEY IN FAVOUR OF SMILES

SOMEONE FINALLY LISTENS TO THE MAORI

SUDAN FINES WOMAN FOR WEARING CLASHING PANTS IN PUBLIC

TYPOGRAPHY TERRORISTS NABBED TRYING TO BOMB IKEA HEADQUARTERS

LIBYA VOICES WORLD’S DESIRE TO DISSOLVE SWITZERLAND

SEA TURTLES THREATENING CARIBBEAN AFTER BAHAMAS OUTLAWS KILLING

SON SUES TO CLEAR STALIN’S NAME

SOUTH KOREAN MISSILE GOES ASTRAY AMIDST GIGGLING FROM THE NORTH

HAMID KARZAI ACCUSED OF RIGGING ELECTION BETTER THAN OPPONENT

EUROPE SHUDDERS AS ANGELA MERKEL DECLARED MOST POWERFUL WOMAN

LOCKERBIE BOMBER FREE AND READY TO GO AGAIN

CAPITALISM FINALLY WINNING THE TOILET PAPER WAR

TALIBAN STRUGGLING AFTER DEATH OF LEADER

WORLD’S OLDEST MAN LAID TO REST DESPITE FEEBLE PROTESTS

MAN DIES TRYING TO SET WORLD RECORD FOR SPINNING IN CIRCLES

CHARLES TAYLOR BECOMES INTERIOR DESIGNER; SAYS HUMAN SKULLS ARE IN

NEW ZEALAND COMES WITHIN RICHTER POINTS OF A TSUNAMI

IRANIAN DEATH TOLL REMAINS UNKNOWN BUT BELIEVED TO BE MOSTLY GAY

AFRICA TO END TYRANNY AND CORRUPTION AFTER OBAMA SPEECH

POPE COMES OUT AGAINST SPAYING AND NEUTERING PETS

MILITARY OFFICIALS WARN AFGHANISTAN RUNNING OUT OF AFGHANS

NOT EVEN PRESIDENT WANTS TO LIVE IN HONDURAS

IRAQ CELEBRATE VICTORY OVER AMERICAN INVADERS

IRANIAN AUTHORITIES PIONEER MULTIPLE VOTE SYSTEM

SOUTH AFRICANS “SHOCKED” OVER RAPE SURVEY RESULTS

IRANIAN PUBLIC STILL EXCITED ABOUT ELECTION RESULTS

U.S. TO DO NOTHING ABOUT POSSIBLE NORTH KOREAN ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR

YACHT COMPLETED, RUSSIAN BILLIONAIRE PLANS GIANT SPACE LASER

NETANYAHU MAKES PLANS TO SUMMER IN NEW PALESTINIAN STATE

EVERYONE WINS IN IRANIAN ELECTION

AIR FRANCE CRASH INVESTIGATION HIGHLIGHTS DANGER OF BLACK BOX DEPENDENCE

THOUSANDS GO UNRAPED AND UNABUSED IN IRISH CATHOLIC SCHOOLS

NIGERIA FREES DOZENS OF PRISONERS THROUGH LOOPHOLE IN CEILING

AIR FRANCE LOSES PLANE BUT SECURES LUGGAGE

ABU GHARIB PHOTOS SHOW RAPE AND ABUSE MUCH LIKE U.S. PRISONS

NETHERLANDS LOOKING TO IMPORT PRISONERS AS CRIME DRIES UP

IRAN ROCKS THE CASBAH WITH WARSHIPS IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS

WORLD SHOCKED AS NORTH KOREA DROPS THE N-BOMB

IRISH FINALLY ADMIT ACCENT WAS ALL ABOUT THE CHICKS

ANNUAL MONARCHY POLL SHOWS QUEEN ELIZABETH LOSING GROUND

BURMESE OFFICIALS ACCUSED OF RUSHING TRIAL, ABSOLVED OF MASS MURDER

POPE BENEDICT PROMOTES EMBRACE OF THE HOLOCAUST

LATE SNOWFALL BURNS AFGHAN CIVILIANS

HUNDREDS KILLED IN POORLY DESIGNED NO-FIRE ZONE

LAOS DECIDES TO STOP KILLING PREGNANT WOMEN

41 DEAD IN KILLER TURKISH WEDDING

EGYPT STARTS BUTCHERY IN SWINE HOLOCAUST

NORWAY TO RAPE AND PILLAGE FUTURE BY BANNING CARS

IRASCIBLE IRAN NOW GOING AFTER PEACE LOVING EGYPT

RACIST COUNTRIES WALK OUT ON RACIST AHMADINEJAD SPEECH

BRITISH GOVERNMENT CONSIDERS CONVERTING BIG BEN TO DIGITAL

CANADIANS TO COMPLETELY WIPE AWAY MEMORY OF BILLY BOB THORNTON

MEXICAN OFFICIALS TO REDUCE CARTEL DEATH TOLL BY IGNORING MURDERS

MAMA MIA! HOLY WEEK EARTHQUAKE KILLS DOZENS IN HOLY LAND

REPORTS INDICATE CARLA BRUNI DEPRESSED AS MICHELLE OBAMA MOVES ON

JAPANESE OFFICIALS LAUGH OFF KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH AS ‘KIA-TASIC’

LATIN WORLD EMBRACES FRITZLMANIA

MEXICAN MORTICIANS MAKING A KILLING AS DRUG WAR SPIRALS

FRITZL CASE SPARKS GLOBAL INCESTUOUS EMBRACE

JOSEF FRITZL PLEADS GUILTY BEFORE REALIZING PRISONS DO NOT HAVE CELLARS

POPE DISCOURAGES CONDOMS IN EFFORT TO CULL THE HERD

TOURISM SURGES AS NEW ZEALAND’S WOMEN GROW LARGER BREASTS

SUDANESE KIDNAPPERS BOOTED FROM TERRORIST NETWORK AFTER LAME KIDNAPPING

RUSSIA DEPLOYING BOMBERS LIKE IT’S 1959

POOR COUNTRIES GOING ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY INSANE

GERMANS UP THE ANTE FOR AMERICAN SCHOOL SHOOTERS

SCIENTISTS FEAR CHIMPANZEE UPRISING IMMINENT

TENSION RISES AS NORTH KOREA REFUSES TO CALL SOUTH

CANADIAN BORDER PATROLS INCREASE AS AMERICAN REFUGEES FLEE

NO ONE SUPRISED AS HUGO CHAVEZ REACTS TO ECONOMIC CRISIS WITH DICTATORIAL RULE

SECRET GERMAN POLICE OPERATION ROUTES OUT NEO-NAZIS

NICARAGUA FIGHTING OFF VAMPIRE INVASION

BRITISH POLICE DECIDE TO ENCOURAGE CHAOS ON STREETS

U.S. THROWING SUPPORT BEHIND IRANIAN NUCLEAR PROGRAM

IRAN LOOKS TO HOLLYWOOD TO HEAL WOUNDS WITH U.S.

RIGHT WING ATTACKS OBAMA PLAN TO EVICT SOLDIERS FROM IRAQ

IDF CLAIMS THAT EVERYTHING ANYONE DOES IS TERRORISM

IRAQI OFFICIALS CLAIM ABU GHARIB NOW A PRISONER PARADISE

FRENCH NAVY CLAIMS BRITISH SUBMARINE DRIVING ON WRONG SIDE OF THE OCEAN

AUSTRALIAN WILDFIRE DEATH TOLL RISES AS RESIDENTS UNWILLING TO GET OUT OF THE WAY

OSCAR MAYER OFFICIALS PITCHING BACON AS PATH TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE

ISRAEL ANNOUNCES GAZA CEASEFIRE JUST IN TIME FOR OBAMA INAGURATION

WORLD YAWNS AS ISRAEL INVADES GAZA

ISRAELI ATTACKS ON GAZA HIGHLIGHT FAILURE OF CEASE FIRE

POPE’S APPEAL FOR MID-EAST PEACE FALLS ON SURPRISINGLY DEAF EARS

WORLD WATCHES AS CANADA IS BLANKETED IN MYSTERIOUS WHITE POWDER

ROMANIA REMOVES THEORY OF EVOLUTION FROM SCHOOLS; MOVES CLOSER TO STONE AGE

GREEK RIOTS SPARK GLOBAL REALIZATION THAT GREECE IS STILL A COUNTRY

CANADIAN POLITICIANS ESCHEW DEMOCRACY IN FAVOUR OF WINNING

AMERICA CLAIMS INDIAN TERRORIST ATTACKS AS THEIR OWN

ICELANDIC PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT; GOVERNMENT MAKES PLANS TO SELL NATION

U.N. OFFICIALS PROPOSE CONTRACTING MEMBERSHIP, REDUCING NUMBER OF COUNTRIES

MADELEINE MCCANN RENEWS CALL FOR HELP FINDING PARENTS

KIM JONG-IL NOT DEAD, DECLARES NORTH KOREA ONE NATION UNDER HIP-HOP

SWEDISH PIRATES OUTRAGED OVER NEW ANTI-PIRACY LAW

OSAMA BIN LADEN TO PAY TRIBUTE TO RONALD REAGAN IN NEWEST VIDEO

PSYCHIC PREDICTS ALIEN INVASION, LOGIC AND REASON INDICATE OTHERWISE

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER HARPER SET FOR EPIC ELECTION FAIL

ROBERT MUGABE PLEDGES ZIMBABWEAN HELP FOR UNITED STATES CASH CRISIS

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD DECLARES AMERICAN EMPIRE NEARING ITS END, LEARNING TO PLAY VIOLIN

KIM JONG-IL DEAD? REPLACED BY PUPPET?

PRINCESS DIANA TRIBUTES STILL ANNOYING AFTER ELEVEN YEARS

SPANISH PLANE CRASH LEAVES RACISTS ALIVE

MISSILE DEFENSE PLAN CAUSES GERMANS TO POUR OVER POLISH BORDER

ITALIAN PIRATES PIRATING PIRATE SITE

U.S. AND POLAND AGREE ON MISSILES FOR SAUSAGES PACT

GREENPEACE PETITIONS GOVERNMENTS TO OPEN UP GRAVES

GEORGIAN FORCES PULLING BACK TO ATLANTA

CHINESE OFFICIALS ANGRY OVER RUSSIAN WAR, JOHN EDWARDS AFFAIR

RUSSIA INVADES GEORGIA, ATLANTA RESIDENTS ON ALERT

BEIJING BANNING DRAGONS FROM OLYMPIC VENUES

AFRICAN NATIONS TO DONATE WATER SUPPLIES TO EUROPE

AFRICAN VIOLENCE SPREADS WEST TO SOUTH AMERICA

ANTI-TIBET ACTIVISTS PROTEST LACK OF ATTENTION

DIGGING YOURSELF OUT OF A HOLE MAKES HOLES BIGGER, MAN LEARNS

ISLAMISTS DECRY “MUSLIMIFICATION” OF ISLAM

JOSEF MENGELE’S BIRTHDAY GOES UNMARKED AGAIN

PEACE TALKS BREAK DOWN IN FACE OF NAME CALLING

SOCIALISTS SPEND MOST TIME ON SOCIAL WEBSITES: STUDY

PENNSYLVANIA MISTAKEN FOR TRANSYLVANIA; VAMPIRES OUTRAGED

RASH OF U.S. SHOOTINGS BRINGS GLOBAL OUTRAGE

IRAN EXPANDS SANCTIONS ON U.S.

PLANS FOR “GREAT WALL OF MONGOLIA” FINALIZED