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SCRAPE TV NEWS STAFF
Editor-in-Chief
Dave Dalkin
Business
William Ashford
Health
Lauren Hebert
U.S.A.
Mike Michaels
Everyone Else
Emil Uliya
Science
Anna Phillips
Sports
Alexi Orton
Videogames
Douglas Havermore
Politics
Edward Bastil
Entertainment
Samantha Dryden
Technology
Martin Philton


 

 


 

 

 

 

HEALTH

SCIENTISTS NOW WORRIED THAT MANUFACTURED SUPER FLU COULD KILL BILLIONS

MEXICAN SWINE FLU CASES UP AS SCREENING INCREASES

NEW STUDY FINDS AUTISM MAY JUST BE A PHASE KIDS WILL GROW OUT OF

GERMAN SCIENTISTS FIND CURE FOR MALARIA THAT THEY WILL PROBABLY KEEP TO THEMSELVES

VANCOUVER ADDICTS LOVING THE FREE CRACK PIPES FROM THE CITY

NEW PILL MAY CURE ALZHEIMERS, SPARK RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

NODDING DISEASE IN UGANDA LIKELY UNRELATED TO ROCK AND ROLL INFESTATION

DUTCH LAB WILL ONTO MUTANT KILLER FLU VIRUS FOR THE TIME BEING

STUDY FINDS OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE EAT FEWER MEALS BUT WAY MORE GREASE

AIDS REALLY NOT MUCH OF A PROBLEM ANYMORE

THE BLACK PLAGUE MAKING TRIUMPHANT COMEBACK ACROSS THE WORLD

SCHIZOPHRENIA FOUND TO BE DANGEROUS NEW SIDE EFFECT OF HEAVY METH USE

COMPUTERS BETTER AT DETECTING BREAST CANCER, SAY COMPUTERS

NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT HEAD INJURY MAY CAUSE HOMOSEXUALITY

CANCER FOUND IN 2000 YEAR OLD MUMMY TOO ADVANCED TO CURE

BIONIC EXOSKELETON WOULD ALLOW DISABLED TO WALK, TAKE OVER THE WORLD

EVEN WITH SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE WE MAY RUN OUT SOON

SUPER BROCCOLI STILL LIKELY TO GO UNEATEN BY MILLIONS

GAY COUPLES NOW FEELING THE PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED

NEW CELL PHONE STUDY FINDS NO CANCER LINK TODAY

ANTIDEPRESSANT INDUSTRY LONE BRIGHT SPOT IN SINKING ECONOMY

STUDY FINDS TRANSFORMERS STAR IS THE SAME THING AS COCAINE

HIV REDUCED TO LITTLE MORE THAN A MINOR SKIN INFECTION

U.K. HOSPITAL WITCHES TO DRESS IN PINK TO PREVENT RACISM

MEDICAID WILL NO LONGER TURN DOWN CLAIMS FROM THE DECEASED

WORLD’S LARGEST SPERM BANK DECIDES TO END GINGER NIGHTMARE FOREVER

CHAIN SMOKING QUICKLY BECOMING EPIDEMIC IN TODDLERS

WORLD’S WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF GOING EXTINCT

DOCTORS URGE PEOPLE TO AVOID BRAIN-EATING AMOEBA

CHAZ BONO HAS NEW SURGERY TO BECOME BIG FAT SLOB

CDC SEEKING MISSING PASSENGERS FROM BAT INFESTED PLANE

NORWEGIAN RESEARCHERS FIND VIRUS THAT CAUSES TEEN PREGNANCY

JERRY LEWIS OUT AS MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY SPOKESPERSON AFTER CURE IS FOUND

EXPERTS RECOMMEND HEAVY DRINKING IN WAKE OF AMY WINEHOUSE DEATH

KIM KARDASHIAN REPORTEDLY CONSIDERED SUICIDE AFTER PSORIASIS DIAGNOSIS

GIANT HOGWEED INVASION BELIEVED TO HAVE STARTED IN NORWAY

BIG PHARMA OFFERING BUDGET VACCINES TO POOR CHILDREN

STUDY FINDS EX-SMOKERS GAIN WEIGHT FROM OVEREATING

NEW RESEARCH FINDS CHRISTIANS ARE INVULNERABLE TO CANCER

JAPANESE SENIORS FORCED TO BECOME NUCLEAR KAMIKAZES AT CRIPPLED PLANT

EUROPE ON THE VERGE OF COLLAPSE AS SUPERBUG SPREADS

INCIDENT IN ENGLAND RAISES CONCERNS OF OVER PRESCRIPTION OF JESUS

CDC CONFIRMS THAT ZOMBIE OUTBREAKS A SERIOUS THREAT TO THE COUNTRY

STUDY SHOWS THE FEMALE ORGASM ALL IN THE MIND, LIKE JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE

BROOKE MUELLER BECOMES ICON FOR JUGGLING MOTHERHOOD AND REHAB

STUDY SHOWS MORE FATTIES AROUND THE WORLD BEING RIDICULED

STUDY FINDS THAT COKE AND PEPSI MAY CAUSE DELICIOUS FORM OF CANCER

LICENSED THERAPIST CAT FINDING FEW PATIENTS

KRAFT TESTING MEAT FLAVOURED VEGETABLES

MILLIONS OF RELATIONSHIPS NOW IN PERIL AS ZODIAC SIGNS MAKE A SHIFT

NOTHING BUT PARTIES FOR THE ONE GUY CURED OF AIDS

EXPERTS RECOMMEND HOARDING AS WORLD FOOD SUPPLIES BECOME SCARCE

ALZHEIMER’S RATES EASING IN SOUTH KOREAN CHILDREN

CONTROVERSIAL CANCER DIET FINDING FEW FANS

PROTESTS DOING LITTLE TO STOP SPREAD OF CHOLERA IN HAITI

GIANT WOMAN UNDERGOING RADIATION THERAPY IN EFFORT TO BECOME UNSTOPPABLE BEAST

HOARDING AT ALL TIME HIGH AFTER SUCCESS OF TELEVISION PORTRAYALS

CANADA PLEDGES SUPPORT FOR AIDS, MALARIA, TB

INDONESIAN TODDLER QUITS SMOKING AND INSPIRES MILLIONS AROUND THE WORLD

CANCER COSTS SOAR PROMPTING MANY TO SIMPLY GIVE UP

WASHINGTON WOMAN PROVES THAT SMALLPOX NOT JUST FOR ERADICATING NATIVES ANYMORE

CONRAD MURRAY DOESN’T KILL FELLOW PASSENGER ON FLIGHT

CONJOINED TWINS REUNITED AFTER SURGERY GOES AWRY

DOCTOR SUED AFTER PERFORMING UNREQUESTED FACE BURNING

DEMENTIA LOSING FUNDING IN U.K., PATIENTS BARELY NOTICE

MILLIONS OF CONDOMS LIKELY WON’T BE USED AT WORLD CUP

JENNY MCCARTHY’S SON SUDDENLY FREE OF AUTISM, MOTHER STILL RETARDED

HEART ATTACK MAY END WORLD’S HEAVIEST MAN’S ATTEMPT AT RECORD

CHENEY FAMILY CELEBRATING AFTER LATEST HEART ATTACK PUTS RECORD IN REACH

RESEARCHERS RECOMMEND AGAINST USING TELEVISION SHOWS TO TRAIN DOCTORS

MAN WHO COULD BEAT AIDS BEING EYED BY SHADY GOVERNMENT AGENCY

H1N1 VACCINE INDUSTRY HIT HARD AS INTEREST WANES

NEW NUMBERS SHOW AIDS HARD HIT BY RECESSION

DOWN SYNDROME BIRTHS ON THE RISE AS SARAH PALIN’S POPULARITY SURGES

RESEARCH INDICATES THAT EMO KIDS MAY BE SUFFERING FROM SUN ALLERGY

USDA CONFIRMS H1N1 HAS MOVED BACK INTO PIGS

60 MINUTES STUDY LINKS BRAIN INJURY TO BRAIN DAMAGE

AUSTRALIAN KOALAS FINDING STRESS A KILLER

PLACEBO BECOMING MOST SOUGHT AFTER MEDICAL TREATMENT

U.K. HEALTH CARE SYSTEM KILLING IRRITATING PATIENTS

RESEARCHERS FEAR INCREASE IN OLD AGE DEMENTIA AS POPULATION AGES

AMERICANS FREEING THEMSELVES FROM BELT CONSTRAINTS

DOCTORS FIND ASPIRIN NOW DEADLY AND HARMFUL

CDC REPORTS LIFE EXPECTANCY SPIKE DUE TO DECREASE IN DEATHS

NEW STUDY LINKS LOUD MUSIC TO INCREASED DIVORCE RATE

U.K. USING SWINE FLU TO CUT DOWN ON UNDESIRABLES

DOCTORS CONCERNED HEALTH CARE OPPONENTS GETTING A LITTLE TOO EXCITED

STUDY SHOWS PSYCHOPATHS NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD

DOCUMENTS REVEAL JENNY CRAIG SPIKING FOOD WITH FAT

CHINA SETTING THE GLOBAL STANDARD FOR ABORTION

OVARIAN CANCER REDUCTION IN MEN GIVES NEW HOPE FOR CURE

WORLD ON ALERT AS URBAN TAPEWORMS GROW IN POWER

RESEARCHERS FIND CHIMPS FINALLY DYING OF AIDS

CAKE EYED AS MAJOR CONTRIBUTER TO OBESITY

REPORT FINDS SMOKING LEADING CAUSE OF US MILITARY DEATHS

RESEARCHERS FEAR EPIDEMIC AS DWARFISM RATES SKYROCKET

DOCTOR PIONEERING USE OF COMAS ON DEMAND

STUDY SHOWS TESTING FOR HIV INCREASES NUMBER OF DIAGNOSIS’

NEW STUDY NARROWS ODDS OF DYING TO 1 IN 2

RED CROSS CONSIDERS SYMBOL CHANGE UNDER PRESSURE FROM CRUSADE SURVIVORS

SWINE FLU PANDEMIC FINALLY BEGINS AMID FLURRY OF INDIFFERENCE

AMA INVESTIGATION REVEALS THAT BRAIN SURGERY NOT AL THAT HARD AFTER ALL

FDA CONSIDERING APPROVAL OF MORNING AFTER TOOTHPASTE

SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE LOOKING TO CATCH SWINE FLU FEVER

TRANSPLANT PATIENT SHOWS WORLD VERY UNATTRACTIVE FACE

WHO CHIEF BELIEVES SWINE FLU PRIMED FOR A COMEBACK

MEXICO EXPORTS SWINE FLU WORK TO UNITED STATES

DOCTORS EXPLORING ORGAN REMOVAL AS WEIGHT LOSS MIRACLE

TARP TO OFFER SUBSIDIES FOR COBRA PURCHASES; GI JOE NOT AMUSED

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS TO INTRODUCE 8 STEP PROGRAM

BRAZILIAN MODEL DEATH SPURS CALLS TO FIGHT DISEASE AND DEATH

AIDS LOSES LUSTRE AFTER BEING EXPOSED AS A BULLY

PSYCHOLOGISTS FEAR PARANOIA ON THE RISE

MAN SUING WRIGLEY OVER GUM RELATED ILLNESS

SURGEON GENERAL RECOMMENDS AGAINST BREAST SELF EXAMINATION

MEXICAN MARIJUANA GROWERS CAUSING ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE, SMOKERS COULD CARE LESS

STUDY POINTS TO BRAIN CHEMICAL INVOLVED IN OBESITY

WHO: PEOPLE DYING CONTRIBUTING TO DEATH RATES

SPENDING TIME WITH TEENS INCREASES AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT WITH TEENS

SENIORS DYING FASTER THAN YOUNG PEOPLE, DOCTORS CONCERNED

EXERCISE CAUSES PEOPLE TO LOSE WEIGHT, FAST FOOD CHAINS JOIN PROTEST

CANCER RATES DECREASE, RESEARCHERS CONCERNED