SCIENTISTS CONFUSED, ANGRY ABOUT SLOWING OF GLOBAL WARMING

SCIENTISTS WORRIED THAT TERRORISTS MAY GAIN CONTROL OF VOLCANIC ERUPTIONS IN U.S.

BOARD GAMES MAY START TO COME TO LIFE IF WARM WEATHER CONTINUES

RIGHTS ISSUES ABOUND AFTER LAB DEVELOPS SELF-AWARE BULLETS

INCOMING ICE AGE TO BE THE WARMEST IN HISTORY THANKS TO GLOBAL WARMING

WARM WINTER ACROSS NORTHERN HEMISPHERE MAY LEAD TO ANOTHER NOBEL FOR AL GORE

SUN BEGINS ASSAULT ON EARTH AND HUMANKIND BUT WE WILL NOT BE BOWED

DUTCH LAB READY TO UNLEASH KILLER FLU ON AMERICA AFTER RESEARCH IS CENSORED

RUSSIAN SPACE PROBE CRASHES INTO PACIFIC, ON EARTH, NOT MARS WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

KARDASHIAN FAMILY DENIES KHLOE IS THE RESULT OF AFFAIR WITH BIGFOOT

HUMAN BEINGS NOW AS SMART AS WE EVER WILL BE

STEPHEN HAWKING STILL CAN’T FIGURE OUT WOMEN, CLICHES

SCIENTISTS CREATE GIANT SUPERSOLDIER ANTS THAT ALREADY BE LOOSE

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER PIGEONS PROBABLY COUNTING HUMANS IN PREPARATION FOR WAR

RESISTANCE FUTILE AS GIANT SHRIMP STARTS INVASION OF THE GULF

MARS PRETTY MUCH READY FOR HUMAN HABITATION RIGHT NOW

METAL SPACE BALLS START POUNDING RURAL NAMIBIA

ATOMIC CROCODILES THRIVING OUTSIDE NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

WOOLLY MAMMOTH WILL BE BACK ON DINNER PLATES WITHIN FIVE YEARS

HUGE WATER DEPOSIT ON MARS COULD BE USED BY HUMAN INVASION FORCE

ALIEN INVASION, EXTINCTION OF MANKIND, TO BEGIN NEXT YEAR

CLEVELAND VOTED PLACE MOST LIKELY TO BE IMPROVED BY ZOMBIE INVASION

PLANNING FOR INTERPLANETARY WAR AGAINST EARTH LIKELY ALREADY UNDERWAY

NASA ROVER SENT TO MARS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT CRASHING RUSSIAN ONE

MEXICO MORE OR LESS CONFIRMS END OF THE WORLD IN 2012

RESEARCHERS FIND REAL-LIFE CRYSTAL SKULL, LIKELY PROOF OF ALIEN LIFE

NEW HYPERSONIC MISSILE WILL STRIKE ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME

MONGOLIAN SCIENTISTS TO COOL COUNTRY WITH GIANT BLOCKS OF ICE

SKIN CANCER TREATMENT MAY LEAD TO SUPER SKIN

RUSSIA SENDS RESUPPLY SHIP TO COLONY ON MARS

CHINA MAKES FRESH MOVES TO TAKE OVER SPACE

RACE ON TO SAVE PLANETS BEING PULVERIZED BY BLACK HOLE

SMART CHIMP NOW ABLE TO SPEAK AND LEAD ARMIES LIKE HUMANS

GPS SHOES WOULD TRACK ALZHEIMER’S PATIENTS, SHOE THIEVES

GIANT WHITE FINGERS ON MARS MAY BE REMNANTS OF GIANT SPACE BEAST

NEW SPECIES OF DOLPHIN DISCOVERED AND NEARLY DRIVEN TO EXTINCTION

MIND-READING COMPUTERS ABLE TO DO EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE FEAR THEY CAN DO

MASSIVE KILLER COMET JUST NARROWLY MISSES DESTROYING ALL LIFE ON EARTH

SCIENTISTS RECREATE THE BLACK PLAGUE FOR THEME PARK

SCIENTISTS FIND CURE FOR PEANUT ALLERGIES MEANT TO WEED OUT THE WEAK

CLIMATE SCEPTICS WINNING THE WAR AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING

GIANT KRAKENS MAY STILL BE LURKING BENEATH THE SEA

GAMMA-RAY BURST TO DESTROY ALL LIFE ON EARTH

2000 YEAR OLD MUMMY’S ROOM DISCOVERED TO BE A TOTAL MESS

EUROPE LAYS OUT PLANS TO PUT A MAN ON THE SUN

STEM CELLS MAY ONE DAY ALLOW FOR THEME PARK FILLED WITH EXTINCT SPECIES

EINSTEIN PROVEN WRONG ON SPEED OF LIGHT, BOUFFANT HAIRSTYLES

UFO SIGHTINGS SPIKE THROUGH AUGUST

NEW ROBOTS INVENT THEIR OWN LANGUAGE AND BEGIN PLOT AGAINST HUMANS

STUDY FINDS DOLPHINS TALK LIKE HUMANS BEHIND OUR BACKS

GIANT DUNE-LIKE WORMS MAY BE COMMON THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE

NASA INSISTS THAT APOLLO 18 MOVIE IS FICTION, ASTRONAUTS NOT SO SURE

NEW THEORY SUGGESTS MARS WAS ONCE COLD, WET, AND MISERABLE

SHARKS NOW PLACE BLAME FOR ATTACKS ON HUMAN BEINGS

LORD OF THE FLIES SCENARIO POSSIBLE AFTER SPACE STATION SUPPLY SHIP CRASHES

USERS GET GREAT IDEAS FROM CANNABIS DNA SEQUENCE

SCIENTISTS INVENT ALLIGATOR-CHICKEN HYBRID

RUSSIA SETS OUT TO CONQUER MARS AND EVENTUALLY THE UNIVERSE

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, IBM ROLL OUT FIRST CYLON MODEL

SCIENTISTS TRYING EVERYTHING TO STOP ASTEROID HEADED STRAIGHT TOWARDS EARTH

ASTRONOMERS EYE CLIMATE CHANGE AS CHIEF CULPRIT BEHIND MASSIVE STORM ON SATURN

SCIENTISTS CONCERNED ABOUT REAL LIFE PLANET OF THE APES SCENARIO

RESEARCH UNLOCKS THE SECRET SUPERPOWERS OF THE COCKROACH

RESEARCHERS PROBING WIDESPREAD DISAPPEARANCE OF POLAR BEAR SCIENTISTS

SOUTH KOREAN SCIENTISTS CREATE AND EAT GLOWING DOG

SCIENTISTS FROM THE FUTURE FIND TIME TRAVEL IS IMPOSSIBLE

FORMER SPACE SHUTTLE WORKERS BEING RECRUITED BY SUPER CRIMINALS

SUPER BEES MAY SOLVE THE WORLD’S FOOD CRISIS, STOP CRIME

EVEN ASTRONAUTS CAN’T BE BOTHERED WITH FINAL SHUTTLE LAUNCH

SCIENTIST PREDICTS ALIEN CONTACT SHORTLY, U.S. OFFICIALS NOT HAPPY

OFFICIALS CONFIRM UFO VIDEO FROM LONDON IS A REAL VIDEO

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS RECEIVES MAP PROVING THE EARTH IS FLAT

ARCHAEOLOGISTS ON THE HUNT FOR ANCIENT GRAFFITI PUNKS

DECLINE IN SOLAR ACTIVITY MAY PORTEND THE DEATH OF SOLAR SYSTEM

NASA BEGINS WORK ON MOON BASE AS IT GETS READY TO LEAVE EARTH FOREVER

ARGENTINIAN SCIENTISTS DEVELOP HUMAN-COW HYBRID

ARMCHAIR ASTRONOMER FINDS MARS IS COVERED IN TINY WHITE PIXELS

KIRK CAMERON DRAWS ON SITCOM EXPERIENCE TO BATTLE STEPHEN HAWKING

OFFICIALS CONFIRM THAT THE EARTH DID INDEED SLOW DURING ROYAL WEDDING

‘EVIL SPIRIT’ DINOSAUR MAY HAVE BEEN PREHISTORIC MINION OF HELL

NEW EVIDENCE SHOWS THAT HUMANS MAY HAVE LIVED WITH DINOSAURS

HUGO CHAVEZ REVEALS THAT CAPITALISM DESTROYED LIFE ON MARS

REPORT SHOWS RETURNING ASTRONAUTS REALLY EASY TO BEAT UP

SPACE SHUTTLE DISCOVERY ENDS FINAL MISSION WITHOUT A BANG

GIANT MOON CAVERN MOST LIKELY PLACE FOR ABANDONED NAZI UFO PROGRAM

NASA STUDYING NUCLEAR WARFARE AS POSSIBLE CURE FOR GLOBAL WARMING

NEW FOSSIL FINDS INDICATES POSSIBLE PRESENCE OF CHINESE JESUS

NEW RUSSIAN RESEARCH SHOWS THAT SUN MAY IN FACT REVOLVE AROUND THE EARTH

GABRIELLE GIFFORDS HUSBAND LIKELY TO BE IN BIG TROUBLE WHEN HE RETURNS FROM SPACE

NEW SUPERCHICKENS STILL DON’T HAVE HANDS MAKING REVOLUTION UNLIKELY

WISCONSIN LAB CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR STRANGE BIRD DEATHS

LAWSUIT DETERMINES ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT CATS CAN’T TALK

EXPERTS NOW RECOMMEND HIRING PROFESSIONALS TO BUST GHOSTS

SCIENTISTS CONFIRM HUMANITY IS GETTING STUPIDER

ASTRONOMERS FIGURING OUT A WAY TO DESTROY SOLAR SYSTEM SIMILAR TO OUR OWN

NEW DATA SUGGESTS THAT JUGGALOS MAY BE FORMING UNIQUE SUBSPECIES

SATURN MOON MOST LIKELY CANDIDATE FOR ADVANCED ALIEN INVASION FORCE

HALF-SPIDER HALF-SCORPION MONSTERS TAKING OVER YOSEMITE

POLAR BEARS AND GRIZZLIES SET FOR EPIC BATTLE TO THE DEATH

NEW SCUBA SUIT PUTS HUMANITY ONE STEP CLOSER TO AQUAMAN

HOT MODEL DESCRIBES UNIVERSE WITH NO BIG BANG

NEW ANALYSIS EXPLAINS BULGE ON FARSIDE OF THE MOON IS BAD NEWS FOR EVERYONE

UNDESIRABLES BEING ROUNDED UP FOR ONE-WAY TRIP TO MARS

ROBOT DEVELOPS TASTE FOR HUMAN FLESH; TASTES LIKE BACON

MILLIONS NOW FREE FROM THE ANNOYING SPARKLE OF STARS

HUMANS TO CREATE SECOND EARTH BY 2030

NEW RESEARCH INDICATES THE EARTH IS DOZENS OF YEARS YOUNGER THAN PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED

SCIENTISTS LOOKING FOR WAY TO REPLICATE WEALTHY HORMONE AND QUIT THEIR JOBS

HUMANITY LIKELY DOOMED AS SCIENTISTS MAKE FIRST MOVE TOWARDS CYLON DEVELOPMENT

POTENTIAL SUPERVILLAINS THWARTED AS U.N. PUTS BAN ON BLOCKING OUT THE SUN

FREYA THE CHIMPANZEE FINALLY SPEAKS OUT IN NEW MEMOIR

GENETICALLY MODIFIED SUPER SALMON MAY MEAN DOOM FOR HUMANITY

MOST EXTINCT SPECIES COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD

SCIENTISTS CREATE WOLVERINE; OTHER X-MEN TO FOLLOW

EARTH-LIKE PLANET DISCOVERED; ATTACK PLANS ALREADY UNDER WAY

UNITED NATIONS INTRODUCES INTERPLANETARY AMBASSADOR AHEAD OF NEXT WEEK’S ALIEN VISITATION

NEW RESEARCH INDICATES THAT ROBOTS MAY ALREADY BE SELF AWARE AND PLOTTING OUR DEMISE

UNICORN DISCOVERED IN LAOS AND MURDERED FOR IT’S MAGICAL HORN

LATE TO THE PARTY; NEPTUNE FINALLY GOES AROUND THE SUN

WORLD’S FIRST BIONIC TURTLE ALREADY STARTING TO RULE THE SEAS

SCIENTISTS FINALLY CONFIRM THAT POSEIDON NOT BEHIND WAVES AND EARTHQUAKES

NASA MAKES PLANS TO PUT THE FIRST MAN ON THE SUN

NEW STUDY FINDS THAT IT IS REALLY WINDY INSIDE TORNADOES

THE THOUGHT OF RICHARD DAWKINS HAVING SEX MAKING PEOPLE ILL

SEARCH FOR ALIEN LIFE STARTS ON EARTH

HUMAN MAGNET FIGHTING FOR MUTANT RIGHTS

THE MOON IS SHRINKING AND THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT

FOSSILS FOUND ON MARS; ATTACK DEEMED LIKELY

BELGIUM STARTS LIQUIFYING CORPSES LEADING MANY TO BELIEVE WE BE IN THE MATRIX

ONLY A FEW TRANSFORMED AFTER HUNDREDS ATTACKED BY VAMPIRE BATS

RESEARCHERS CHALLENGE GOD TO SOLVE THE RUBIK’S CUBE

KENYA LITERALLY RESURRECTING THE DEAD

OYSTER EVOLUTION MAY HERALD END OF HUMANITY

NEW STUDY FINDS THAT DINOSAURS NEVER EXISTED

EXPERTS CONCERNED SHARKS NOT GETTING FULL BENEFIT OF SHARK WEEK

END OF HUMANITY NIGH WITH MASSIVE ASTEROID ON COLLISION COURSE WITH EARTH

SIX VOLCANOES READY TO SHUT DOWN THE WORLD

SERIES OF LIGHTNING STRIKES SEEN OUTSIDE LABORATORY RESEARCHING GOD PARTICLE

OLDEST DRINKABLE CHAMPAGNE PRE-DATES EARTH’S FORMATION BY FIVE BILLION YEARS

EARTH ON THE VERGE OF RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN

ERADICATION OF WILD TIGER POPULATION NEARLY COMPLETE

WALKING FISH EMERGING FROM OIL SPILL BENT ON REVENGE

BUZZ ALDRIN OFFENDS INDIA WITH CHINESE MOON GAS STATION PROPOSAL

BIONIC CAT HERALDS NEW STEP IN FELINE EVOLUTION

CROCODILES STALKING EARTH’S OCEANS

CATHOLIC CHURCH FINALLY BURIES COPERNICUS, SUN BEGINS REVOLVING AROUND EARTH

UNITED STATES BEGINS INVASION OF SPACE

RUSSIAN PLAN TO SEND 500 PEOPLE TO MARS BEGINS IN EARNEST

TO NO ONE’S SURPRISE ALIENS LAND IN RUSSIA

FINAL SHUTTLE ATLANTIS FLIGHT MARKS THE END OF HUMAN SPACE TRAVEL

ZOMBIE SATELLITE COMING FOR OUR BRAINS

ROBOTS LOWER FUNNEL IN EFFORT TO STEM OIL LEAK, FOR NOW

CALIFORNIA SCIENTISTS CREATE LARGEST EVER LASER/DEATH RAY

SCIENTISTS GIVE UP PREDICTING VOLCANOES AFTER FINDING IT TOO HARD

‘WIMP’ STEPHEN HAWKING AFRAID OF ALIENS

JAPANESE GOVERNMENT ORDERS MIND CONTROLLING ROBOTS BY 2020

‘STUPID PIECE OF CRAP’ MARS ROVER STOPS RESPONDING

SOUTHERN COUSIN OF T. REX FOUND ALIVE AND WELL IN AUSTRALIA

GROUP FEARS ZOMBIE JESUS MAY COME BACK FOR HIS DEATH SHROUD

SHARKS, TUNA LEFT OUT OF RARE ANIMALS CONVENTION

SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT WARP SPEED MAY KILL

RESEARCH FINDS DOGS ORIGINATED IN MIDDLE EAST, U.S. BAN BEING WEIGHED

RARE TASMANIAN DEVIL COLONY BELIEVED TO BE IMMORTAL

NASA TO LAUNCH BOUNCY CASTLES, SLIP ‘N SLIDE INTO NEAR ORBIT

CHINA, RUSSIA OPPOSING PLANS FOR ASTEROID DEFENCE AGENCY

NASA PREPARES MISSION TO WIPE OUT SOLAR MENACE

DOLPHINS TARGETED AS GREATEST THREAT TO HUMAN LIFE

KILLER ROBOTS A STEP CLOSER TO DESTROYING HUMANITY

DOOMSDAY CLOCK MOVES BACK, AVERTING ANNIHILATION, FOR NOW

NASA FINDS EVIDENCE OF COCAINE IN SPACE

FLYING CARS UNLIKELY BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR

SUPERNOVA ON ITS WAY TO WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON EARTH

DEATH STAR RESPONSIBLE FOR MASS EXTINCTION ON EARTH

PREHISTORIC SUPERCROCS FOUND ROAMING AROUND AFRICA

NASA MULLING SATURN-LIKE RINGS FOR EARTH

STUDY SHOWS ZOMBIES HAVE NO IMMUNITY TO BRAIN-BORNE DISEASES

BULGARIAN CLAIMS OF ALIEN CONTACT SURPRISES NOBODY

KIRK CAMERON NEARLY CONVINCES ONE GUY THAT EVOLUTION IS A MYTH

SCIENTISTS HESITANT TO BELIEVE IN SARAH PALIN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

SCIENTISTS FEAR SPACE JUNK DEFENCE NOT ENOUGH TO STOP ASTEROIDS

NEW RESEARCH STILL FINDS NO REASON FOR POPULARITY OF THE BLACK EYED PEAS

SCIENTISTS MAKE BREAKTHROUGH IN DISCOVERY OF THE DOUCHEBAG GENE

NASA SEEKING DESTRUCTION OF EARTH IN SEARCH FOR EXTRA TERRESTRIAL LIFE

PALAEONTOLOGISTS FEAR DINOSAURS MAY NEVER HAVE EXISTED

ARCHAEOLOGISTS DECLARE THE 1970’S THE WOOD AGE

NEW HUBBLE IMAGES SHOW A BUNCH OF LITTLE LIGHTS

SCIENTISTS EXPECT MILKY WAY TO SURVIVE ASSAULT FROM OPPOSING GALAXIES

NASA CLAIMS BUDGET CUTBACKS DAMNING EARTH TO FIERY HELL

WWF FINALLY MAKES A PREDICTION ON PANDA EXTINCTION

STUDY FINDS SILVER BULLETS LARGELY INEFFECTIVE AGAINST WEREWOLVES

NEW MOON LANDING FOOTAGE GIVEN THE HOLLYWOOD ONCE OVER

NASA HIDES SPACE SHUTTLE FROM LIGHTNING STORM 

SCIENCE ELIMINATES NEED FOR MEN WITH TEST TUBE SPERM

AL GORE MAKES PLANS TO SORT NEIGHBOUR’S GARBAGE

SCIENTISTS CONCERNED UNIVERSE ON THE VERGE OF SELF DESTRUCTION

GAY PRIDE PARADE NUDITY STILL BAFFLING SCIENTISTS

SUPER MASSIVE BLACK HOLE LEAVES SCIENTISTS FEELING RED

NASA CLAIMS MARTIANS TOO SMART TO BE FOUND

SPACE MONKEYS STILL LOOKING FOR COMPENSATION

KANSAS MAN FINDS 20,000 YEAR OLD METEORITE AFTER GIVING UP ON NEW ONES

STEPHEN HAWKING FALLS SEVERELY ILL BEFORE SUPER ROBOT BODY COMPLETED

SCIENTIST SEEKS TO UNCOVER CAUSE OF LINCOLN’S DEATH

IUCN RELEASES LIST OF MOST ENDANGERED ANIMAL COOKBOOK

SPACE SHUTTLE NARROWLY AVOIDS CRASHING IN FLORIDA

GIANT SAND WORMS IN ENGLAND RAISE FEARS OF SPICE WAR

EVOLUTIONISTS LEARNING TO SPEAK MONKEY

SCEPTICS SCEPTICAL DURING SCEPTIC MEETING

CANADIANS DEVELOP ABILITY TO READ MINDS; SENSE OF HEARING STILL ELUSIVE

STUDY FINDS MORE THAN HALF OF AMERICANS DON’T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION, GRAVITY, MATH

DINOSAURS POSSIBLY KILLED BY VOLCANOES, OR AN ASTEROID, OR DISEASE, OR MASS SUICIDE

SCIENTISTS PROVE THAT THE PAST WAS ACTUALLY IN COLOUR

DEJA VU TIED TO FAMILIARITY TO THE PAST DEJA VU TIED TO FAMILIARITY TO THE PAST

MARS ROVER PICTURES REVEAL ABANDONED HOME DEPOT EXPANSION PLANS

MICHAEL CRICHTON DIES OF CANCER AND IS IMMEDIATELY CLONED

ARCHAEOLOGISTS FIND PROOF OF DAVID AND GOLIATH; MYTHICAL CREATURES CELEBRATE

SCIENTIST DEVELOPS COMPLETELY UNNECCESARY PROGRAM TO UNDERSTAND ALIEN LANGUAGES

RESEARCH INTO MYSTERY OF INTEREST IN MYSTERY OF STONEHENGE BEGINS

CERN CERTAIN LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY PLANET, NOT SURE ABOUT FRANCE

GEORGIA TECH RESEARCHERS AIM TO PUT TONGUES IN CONTROL OF DEVICES

WATER MAKES THINGS WET, SCIENTIST PROVIDES DEFINITIVE PROOF

IQ TESTS SEEN AS PREJUDICIAL TO STUPID PEOPLE

GROUP SAYS INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION SHOULD FOCUS ON EARTHBOUND, DOMESTIC ISSUES

GLOBAL WARMING WILL NOT BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE

FLYING SHARKS NOT REAL, TOWN BREATHES SIGH OF RELIEF