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SCRAPE TV NEWS STAFF
Editor-in-Chief
Dave Dalkin
Business
William Ashford
Health
Lauren Hebert
U.S.A.
Mike Michaels
Everyone Else
Emil Uliya
Science
Anna Phillips
Sports
Alexi Orton
Videogames
Douglas Havermore
Politics
Edward Bastil
Entertainment
Samantha Dryden
Technology
Martin Philton


 

 


 

 

 

 

SPORTS

TOM BRADY BEATS ELI MANNING TO THE SHOWERS FOLLOWING SUPER BOWL LOSS
NHL FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO DETERMINE IF PLAYERS ARE BRAIN DAMAGED OR JUST HOCKEY PLAYERS
LONDON MAY STEAL RIO CHRIST STATUE AS PART OF ELABORATE OLYMPIC GAMES PRANK
JOE PATERNO DIES TO ESCAPE ANY MORE SEX ABUSE QUESTIONS
TOM BRADY SAYS HE IS THE BEST DECISION THE PATRIOTS HAVE EVER MADE, AND HE’S PROBABLY RIGHT
SATAN LAUGHING SENDS TEBOW AND THE BRONCOS PACKING WITH HELLISH DEFEAT
JOE PATERNO NOT FIRED AND MAY RETURN TO OVERSEEING SEX ABUSE IN A DIFFERENT CAPACITY
THE ONLY CANDIDATE TIM TEBOW WILL SUPPORT IS GOD
STEELERS ADMIT THAT THE ONLY WAY TEBOW COULD HAVE BEATEN THEM WAS WITH A MIRACLE
GOD ABANDONS TIM TEBOW IN BUFFALO, WHICH MAKES SENSE
FORMER BOARD MEMBERS WANT EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL OF JERRY SANDUSKY ABUSE ALLEGATIONS
SATAN POWERS TOM BRADY TO VICTORY OVER TIM TEBOW
KOBE BRYANT DIDN’T RAPE ANOTHER WOMAN BUT WIFE STILL FILES FOR DIVORCE
MIKE MCQUEARY SAYS HE DIDN’T ENJOY WATCHING JERRY SANDUSKY RAPE THAT BOY
BILL BELICHICK MAY MAKE PATRIOTS BOW BEFORE TEBOW THIS WEEKEND
BRUTUS BEEFCAKE JUST LIKED GETTING OILY WITH HULK HOGAN NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM
JOE PATERNO UNABLE TO COVER UP BROKEN HIP
RYAN BRAUN PROVES STEROIDS PROVIDE THE BEST CHANCE AT WINNING MVP
JERRY SANDUSKY GETS CHANCE TO VISIT WITH HIS SPECIAL FRIENDS AGAIN NEXT WEEK
NBA SEASON TO START CHRISTMAS DAY OR SOMETHING
NFL INVESTIGATING TIM TEBOW FOR GOD ENHANCED PERFORMANCE
VLADIMIR PUTIN’S MMA AMBITIONS ON HOLD AFTER FROSTY RECEPTION
OUTRAGE OVER CANADIAN BASEBALL TEAM SHOWS JACK THE RIPPER JOKES STILL TOO SOON
VICTIMS LIKELY WISHING THEY HADN’T SHOWERED WITH JERRY SANDUSKY EITHER
PENN STATE DRAMA DEEPENS AFTER DISTRICT ATTORNEY SHOWS UP DEAD
JOE PATERNO WISHES THOSE KIDS HADN’T BEEN SO TEMPTING
MUHAMMAD ALI WINS FINAL VICTORY OVER JOE FRAZIER
FANS BARELY EVEN NOTICE AS THE NBA CANCELS EVEN MORE GAMES
BRYANT GUMBEL EXPOSES SLAVERY CONDITIONS FOR MILLIONAIRE NBA PLAYERS
MICHAEL JORDAN SILENT IN NBA LABOUR TALKS, PLAYING WITH TOY CARS
TIGER WOODS GETS HIT IN THE FACE WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S HOT DOG
RAIDERS TO GET THEIR CHANCE AT SUPER BOWL GLORY WITH DEATH OF AL DAVIS
NEW INFORMATION SUGGESTS THAT ALMOST ALL NFL INJURIES ARE FAKED
SIDNEY CROSBY AIMING TO MAKE CONCUSSIONS COOL AGAIN
MANNY RAMIREZ STILL KNOCKING THEM OUT OF THE PARK IN RETIREMENT
PEYTON MANNING SET TO BECOME THE HIGHEST PAID FANTASY FOOTBALL PLAYER EVER
PLANE CRASH KILLS EX-NHL PLAYERS AS LEAGUE CONTINUES TO CLEAN HOUSE
KURT ANGLE TO FIGHT DWI CHARGE IN THE SQUARED CIRCLE
FUTURE PRESS CONFERENCES IN DOUBT FOR RAFAEL NADAL AFTER PAINFUL COLLAPSE
NHL ON THE HUNT FOR SERIAL KILLER FOLLOWING DEATH OF WADE BELAK
FLORIDA MARLINS DRAW SEASON HIGH CROWD OF 347 PEOPLE
BLUE JAYS NOW ACCUSED OF STEALING OPPONENT'S STREET SIGNS
DEBATE OVER BATHROOM BREAKS STALLS NBA LABOUR NEGOTIATIONS
KEY WITNESS IN DODGERS BEATING CASE DIES UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES
REPORT: BEN ROETHLISBERGER DIDN’T ASSAULT ANYONE AT WEDDING RECEPTION
JAY CUTLER FUMBLES FIANCEE AS NFL LOCKOUT COMES TO AN END
TIGER WOODS DUMPS CADDIE AFTER HE’S SEEN WITH ANOTHER GOLFER
FIFA INVESTIGATING U.S. CLAIMS OF NUCLEAR INFLUENCED JAPANESE WORLD CUP WIN
ROGER CLEMENS LOOKING TO GET BACK INTO BASEBALL AFTER TRIAL ENDS
EVEN SHAQ’S WIFE ISN’T INTERESTED IN SEEING SEX TAPE
RAY LEWIS PLANNING TO COMMIT CRIMES IF NFL LOCKOUT CONTINUES
ATLANTA THRASHERS FAN STAGES PROTEST OVER LIKELY MOVE TO WINNIPEG
LOCAL RESIDENTS EXHAUSTED WATCHING THE BOSTON MARATHON
NFL OWNERS TALKING TO KEANU REEVES AS LOCKOUT NEGOTIATIONS STALL
TORONTO MAYOR SEEKING NFL, NHL TEAMS
UFC CHIEF DANA WHITE SCARED TO FIGHT GIRLS
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS TO ALLOW EVERYONE TO WIN NEXT YEAR
NHL MULLING PLANS TO MOVE THE ENTIRE LEAGUE TO EUROPE
NFL CONSIDERING PROPOSAL TO BREAK UP THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
MICHAEL VICK READY TO BE A DOG OWNER AGAIN
MEDICAL RESEARCH INDICATES THAT PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL MAY CAUSE INJURY
CLIPPERS ON RECORD PACE AFTER WINNING SECOND STRAIGHT GAME
RANDY MOSS TO VISIT EVERY NFL TEAM BY END OF 2011 SEASON
VIKINGS OFFICIALS: HAND INJURY WILL NOT AFFECT BRETT FAVRE’S TEXTING STREAK
POLICYMAKERS CONSIDERING STIMULUS PACKAGE FOR NFL FANS
SCOTTIE PIPPEN ASKS FOR DONATIONS IN HALL OF FAME SPEECH
TRACY MCGRADY BREAKS WRIST SIGNING ONE YEAR CONTRACT WITH PISTONS
GEORGE STEINBRENNER FIRES BILLY MARTIN IN HEAVEN
CLEVELAND FINALLY CLOSES ITS DOORS AFTER LEBRON JUMPS TO MIAMI
U.N. AND FIFA DETERMINE THAT FAILING AT SOCCER MEANS FAILING AS A STATE
CARRIE PREJEAN’S NEW HUSBAND KIND OF GIRLY
BRAZILIAN SOCCER PLAYERS SEEKING PLASTIC SURGERY AFTER WORLD CUP OUSTER
REPORT: GULAG ALREADY PREPARED FOR NORTH KOREAN SOCCER TEAM
LAKERS FANS VOW TO BURN CITY DOWN FOR NEXT CHAMPIONSHIP
ONLY 38 KILLED IN WORLD CUP CELEBRATIONS
SHAWN JOHNSON STALKER GUILTY...OF SEXINESS
ROY HALLADAY ENJOYS GROUP SHOWER AFTER THROWING PERFECT GAME
LA LAKERS DENIED ENTRANCE TO ARIZONA FOR PLAYOFF GAME
MILWAUKEE BREWERS TO BE MELTED DOWN INTO MEMORABILIA
RAPE ALLEGATIONS CAST DOUBT ON LAWRENCE TAYLOR’S NFL ACHIEVEMENTS
BLUE JAYS, ROYALS SET TO INSTALL ROLLERCOASTERS IN UNOCCUPIED SEATS
AL QAEDA PLANNING HUGE WORLD CUP BLOWOUT
ERIN ANDREWS SUSPECTED OF SENDING THREATENING EMAILS TO HERSELF
NEW RUMOURS SUGGEST THAT TIGER WOODS MAY HAVE HAD AFFAIR WITH MICHAEL JORDAN
DAVID BECKHAM’S FACE UNAFFECTED BY DEVASTATING INJURY
FACING RAPE ACCUSATIONS, BEN ROETHLISBERGER LEAVES TOWN FOR GREENER PASTURES
MLB OFFICIALS ADMIT BASEBALL LARGELY AN EXCUSE FOR GROUP SHOWERS
LINDSEY VONN ALREADY REALLY ANNOYING
FOR SOME REASON BASEBALL SPRING TRAINING BEGINS
DANICA PATRICK UNSURPRISINGLY CAUSES MASSIVE CRASH IN NASCAR DEBUT

GEORGIAN OFFICALS SUSPECT RUSSIAN INVOLVEMENT IN LUGER’S DEATH

SERENA WILLIAMS EQUALS BILLIE JEAN KING, TURNS EYE TOWARDS WOMEN

IOC CONSIDERING BID FROM HAITI FOR 2018 WINTER OLYMPICS

ARENAS, CRITTENDON OUT FOR SEASON; WILL MISS BRING YOUR GUN TO WORK DAY

GILBERT ARENAS MAY TRANSITION TO AFGHAN WAR AFTER NBA OUSTER

NBA CONCEALED GUN POLICY UNDER FIRE AFTER GILBERT ARENAS INCIDENT

NFL PLAYERS TO DONATE BRAINS TO SCIENCE, NHL PLAYERS NOT SO MUCH

TIGER WOODS TAKES UNEXPECTED BREAK FROM GOLF

DANNY GREEN DEFEATS ROY JONES JR IN NEW SPORT CALLED ‘BOXING’

WIFE ELIN DECLINED CHANCE TO REPLACE TIGER WOODS IN GOLF TOURNEY

BUCCANEERS COACH READY TO FIRE HIMSELF

TIGER WOODS INCONSOLABLE AFTER BEING BOOED AT CAL-STANFORD GAME

DETROIT LIONS STILL HAVING TROUBLE WITH OBLONG BALL

DESPITE HARD WORK AND MASSIVE WEALTH WIZARDS OWNER DIES AT 85

WOMEN’S RIGHTS GROUPS CELEBRATE WIN AT BREEDER’S CUP

TIM DONAGHY MAKES HIS WAY TO VEGAS AFTER RELEASE FROM PRISON

MARK MCGWIRE WARMING UP NEEDLES AS HE TAKES ON CARDINALS COACHING JOB

DOLPHINS CAUGHT ON FILMS USING JELLYFISH AS FOOTBALL

OAKLAND RAIDERS FINALLY INFORMED THAT THE SEASON HAS STARTED

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JUST FINE WITH NOT WINNING STANLEY CUP

DETROIT LIONS PLAN REBOUND AFTER DEVASTATING WIN

KNICKS LIKELY TO FIELD A TEAM FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS AT LEAST

BRETT FAVRE PROMISES TO PUT INTERCEPTION RECORD OUT OF REACH

TIGER WOODS THREATENS TO QUIT IF HE CONTINUES TO LOSE

STEPHON MARBURY REVEALS NBA’S DIRTY VASELINE SECRET

NFL LETS THE DOGS OUT AND REINSTATES MICHAEL VICK

STEELERS EYEING VICK AS POSSIBLE REPLACEMENT AFTER ROETHLISBERGER RAPE CHARGES

STEVE MCNAIR SACKED BY BULLETS

ANGRY MANCHESTER UNITED FAN ONLY KILLS FOUR

BILLS’ FULLBACK ARRESTED ON CHARGE OF EXPOSING SEXUAL ORGANS

AIR LET OUT OF COWBOY’S SEASON AS ROOF CAVES IN ON ROOKIES

A-ROD BOOK REVEALS STEROIDS MAKE BASEBALL EASIER

NASCAR TO ASK DRIVERS TO SLOW DOWN

CLEVELAND BROWNS TO FIELD A TEAM THIS YEAR AFTER ALL

DONTE STALLWORTH MANSLAUGHTER CHARGES GIVE BROWNS NEW HOPE

NHL TO ENFORCE NO SHIRT RULE FOR FEMALE FANS

MISSING NFL PLAYERS NOT REALLY MISSED BY ANYONE

DRUG USERS FLOCK TO OLYMPIC COMPETITION TO ESCAPE DRUG CONVICTION

A-ROD TESTS POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS; YANKEES STILL WITHOUT WORLD SERIES WIN

DETROIT LIONS SEE A CLEAR PATH TO PERFECT SEASON

PLAXICO BURRESS SHOOTS HIS CAREER IN THE LEG

JASON VARITEK FOUND TALKING TO SELF AT PLATE; TO UNDERGO PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION

MAGIC JOHNSON OUTRAGED OVER FAKE AIDS

TOM BRADY INJURY CAUSES NFL TO RECONSIDER SEASON

DAUNTE CULPEPPER RETIREMENT PROMPTS NFL TO WIPE 1999 OFF THE RECORD BOOKS

PEYTON MANNING ADVOCATING MAKING OLYMPICS EASIER FOR AMERICANS

IOC INVESTIGATION INTO UNDERAGE GYMNASTS SPARKS PEDOPHILE OUTRAGE

CHINESE OFFICIALS TO COUNTER SPANISH RACISM WITH SOMBREROS, BURRITOS

X GAMES TO TEST TANDEM BMX EVENTS

SWIMMER COVERS UP FOR RACE, LOSES

VIKINGS MUM ON CHARGES OF INAPPROPRIATE CONTACT WITH FAVRE

DWARF CLAIMS NBA HEIGHT RESTRICTION PREJUDICIAL

CURLERS BEGIN USING BIGGER BRUSHES IN AN ATTEMPT TO SPEED UP GAME