NEWS > BUSINESS > BRONX ZOO LAYOFFS ADD NEW SPECIES TO ECONOMIC WOES

BRONX ZOO LAYOFFS ADD NEW SPECIES TO ECONOMIC WOES

April 24 2009

Bronx, NY – As the continued economic downturn continues to strip jobs from the economy more and more people are finding the task of living day to day difficult. Across the country people are continuing to keep struggle not only with the reality of being out of work, but for those who have retained employment, the downgrading and possible loss at sometime in the future. As things continue to decline the economic turmoil has spread to an area few imagine it could have done; other species.

Much like the recent outbreak of swine flu in Mexico, former residents of the Bronx Zoo have been infected by the continued viral decline of the human ecosystem. With a massive shortfall, the zoo will be forced to close down a number of exhibits leaving the residents, and primary revenue generators, to fend for themselves in the mean streets of New York.

“We have heard small scale stories of animals being abandoned across the country and every story is sad but many people are just acting
out of practicality. When you are having trouble feeding your children sometimes you have to make hard decisions and sometimes that means leaving behind pets, no matter how much a part of the family they may be,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “It’s unfortunate that animals have to bear the weight of our problems and there’s no doubt they are innocent victims, but that is just the harsh reality sometimes. On the plus side, the release of all this wild game into the city could make dinners a little easier for some.”

Officially the zoo has not made it clear what they plan on doing with the animals. Some of the species to be downsized such as bats and porcupines are indigenous to North America but others, such as night monkeys and antelope are of foreign origin.

“While it’s going to be tough for all of them, the foreign animals will have a particularly hard time adjusting. Aside from having known little else but a cage for their entire lives there will of course be major language and cultural issues to overcome. It’s not as if people are lining up to build zoos in this economy so it’s going to be difficult for them to find a new job in the same field. Maybe becoming dinner would be the best option for some,” continued Green. “Even though they won’t have the opportunity to be seen in zoos to delight families, they still have value due to their generally delicious taste. Even though they’ve lost their ticket value, they can at least still contribute to the economy and help other suffering Americans.”

The release of the animals and their possible entry into the diet of New Yorkers has some concerned that the citizens may develop a taste for the exotic leading to possible attacks not only on the Bronx Zoo but on others around the country, especially if the economy declines even further.

“While I think it’s a little early to start thinking that America is falling into chaos where they will be raiding zoos and animal shelters but it is at least a possibility. As people become more and
more desperate they will go to ever further and further lengths to keep their family alive,” said Scrape TV Apocalypse analyst Seth Morris. “If that begins to happen, then unfortunately we won’t be far from seeing the country falling into cannibalism. Once cannibalism has ensued on a mass scale then there may be no coming back for the country. Americans like to eat and if they gain an appetite for human flesh, well that could very well be the end of the country and perhaps civilization as we know it. We aren’t there yet, but the possibility remains.”

So far the zoo intends to retain it’s man eater exhibits intact, possibly as a deterrent to raids from external entities.  

William Ashford, Business Correspondent 

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