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NEWS > BUSINESS > WALMART NOT ALLOWING MILEY CYRUS TO POISON ANY MORE CUSTOMERS
WALMART NOT ALLOWING MILEY CYRUS TO POISON ANY MORE CUSTOMERS
May 21 2010
Bentonville, AR – In a perfect world Miley Cyrus and Walmart would seem like a perfect match. The world’s largest discount retailer paired with one of the most popular entertainers whose popular persona is heavily reliant on merchandise should
create the perfect synergy, yet that doesn’t appear to have been the case. Though the two seemed to work well together for a short time, news that Cyrus’ line of jewellery has been pulled after concerns about dangerous toxins has put the relationship under strain and could forever end the relationship between the two powerhouses.
The product in question is a line of jewellery which has been found to be laced with cadmium, a toxic metal that can causes headaches, fever, chills, renal failure, pulmonary edema, and loss of bone density among other things. Though it appears that both parties were well aware of the danger for months, citing that it was recommended for older audience less likely to consume metal jewellery, it wasn’t until recently that the retailer decided to pull the product. Undeterred however, representatives for Cyrus have made it clear that they will continue to push sales of the product through other retailers, though will offer a modified version of the metals for sale at Walmart locations.
“We understand the nature of retail and that there could be serious for a company like Walmart if they were to continue selling potentially dangerous product but we simply aren’t going to allow the Miley brand to be harmed by their decision. We are currently in talks with their people to ensure that we can deliver a product that doesn’t contain the deadly metal for the Walmart crowd,” said a Miley insider. “We are also looking at other options to market the products, place where people who are less likely to eat jewellery might shop. We made this product to very exacting specifications and we aren’t interested in altering the integrity of them, yet it is Walmart and so we will have to bend at least a little.”
It’s not clear if Cyrus herself approved the addition of the toxic metal, or if she has consumed any of the jewellery herself.
“Miley Cyrus is a very interesting case in popular culture for many reasons. One could argue, very effectively I might add, that she is a latter day Elvis Presley. He spent years as a sex symbol and as a corrupter of the youth. His hip swivels aren’t unlike Cyrus’ pole dancing or lap dances which were seen as the end of morality in American society, which of course turned out to not be the case, just as it likely won’t be for her,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “Of course things would change dramatically if it was determined that she was deliberately poisoning her fans, or at least the ones that eat metal. Elvis never did anything like that and I’m sure it would have been the furthest thing from his mind, though today’s world is a different one to be sure.”
Elvis was widely rumoured to call certain fans names after concerts but never resorted to toxins.
“Poisoning is never cool and when major entities like Walmart and Miley Cyrus engage in that sort of thing you have to kind of sit up and take notice. This kind of poisoning too is really harmful. It could kill people which is that last thing either party should want, that is unless this has been a part of their plan all along,” continued Green. “My guess is that Walmart is in this for the long haul but it was always clear that Miley Cyrus wasn’t going to be around for long. Perhaps while she is at the height of her popularity they have decided to strike and begin what would end being the largest mass killing in history. That would ensure her popularity for not just the next few years but possibly forever, something she will never achieve the way she was been going.”
Walmart, grudgingly, pulled the jewellery after three months of dismal sales.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
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