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NEWS > BUSINESS > CATHOLIC CHURCH TO BRAND OWN LINE OF CONDOMS IN DEVELOPING WORLD
CATHOLIC CHURCH TO BRAND OWN LINE OF CONDOMS IN DEVELOPING WORLD
November 23 2010
Vatican City – From pretty much the start of Christian faith sex and birth have been at the centre of debate. Since the rise in power of Christian churches, particularly the Catholic Church, the debate has more or less ended and become mandate. Catholic 
officials have uniformly rejected the notion of sex for any reason other than procreation and any attempts to halt the process of birth has been strictly outlawed for all followers of the faith.
In the past, such objections were largely tolerable and resulted in an ever expanding flock of followers, but in the modern age such objections have taken on a totally new face. Sexually transmitted diseases are nothing new of course, but in the face of deadly infections such as HIV the objection to protection has taken on a totally different argument. No longer does unprotected help expand the base of followers, now it carries with it the risk of actually eroding the core group of followers and causing untold levels of human suffering. The rise of HIV has, like many other developments in the 20th century, put old institutions on trial and forced them to reinvent their wheel. Now the Catholic Church has stepped up, tacitly allowing contraception for certain individuals and secretly working on a brand of condoms that will not only protect the flock, but also spread the word of the Lord.
“The Church has recognized the practical side of contraception and the Pontiff has determined that the use of things such as condoms can be the lesser of two evils. However it is limited, at least for now, but that is simply a part of a test, a trial run,” said a Church insider. “There are much bigger plans if this works, if people accept it, that will not only bring a lot of revenue for the Church but also continue to spread the Word in people’s most intimate times. I’ve seen the designs for the contraceptives and they are really quite striking.”
The new trial does not allow for condom use for birth control, but does support it in certain situations such as with infected male prostitutes.
“There is a feeling inside the Church that we have fallen a little behind the times and the Pope wants to change that perception, albeit it without upsetting the bulk of believers and the tenets of the faith. It is a tricky line to walk but it has been done before. This is not the first challenge the faith has faced,” continued the insider. “By slowly introducing condoms into the discourse the Pope feels that they will be able to diffuse much of the criticism that has been levied in recent years and, ultimately, do good for people, both followers and otherwise. Ultimately the religion is one of love and they want to make sure that love hurts as little as possible.”
Apparently the condoms will be reusable so as not to destroy Holy images.
“This allowance is a big deal, a very big deal. It is essentially an admission by the Pope that that change is needed and is something that should be embraced. It loosely contravenes some tenets of the faith, but is ultimately still respectful of tradition while at the same time being modern,” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “This notion of branding condoms though is something totally radical, something so far afield from where the Church was only a few years ago that it could radically reform the faith for the future. It also means that many more followers will be able to stay alive even if fewer are born. Combined with the potential revenue stream and we have a strong base for the future of the Church.”
Apparently, child-sized condoms were a part of the early design but have since been rejected.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
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