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NEWS > BUSINESS > NEW RESEARCH INDICATES GOD'S WIFE KEEPING HEAVEN NEAT AND TIDY
NEW RESEARCH INDICATES GOD'S WIFE KEEPING HEAVEN NEAT AND TIDY
March 19 2011
Exeter, U.K. – Throughout the history of human culture we have followed many religions, many Gods, likely numbering in the thousands. Most of those have been lost to history and only a handful of the most organized belief systems have been 
retained, either as living systems or as antiquated religions relegated to history and movies. The sheer number of religions and the diversity of the beliefs they contain would lead one to think, quite sensibly, that all of them could very be incorrect in terms of explaining the existence of humanity, though no one would argue their impact on our species.
Of all those religions one common form has come to forefront, that of a monotheistic God. In antiquity polytheism, many gods, was common but the rise of singular Gods, whether in Abrahamic religions, Buddhism, Sikhism, or Hinduism, has become the standard across the globe. It is those religions that have dominated human culture for the better part of two thousand years and accompanied our rise to the most dominant species the planet Earth has ever seen. The biggest and most influential of those religions has of course been those Abrahamic tradition, the sibling religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam which have together shifted the world dramatically. Now however new evidence indicates that a fundamental tenet of that belief system, that of the single God, may not be accurate and that God in fact had a wife who was left out of early writings for being a bit of a shrew.
“You might know him as Yahweh, Allah or God. But on this fact, Jews, Muslims and Christians, the people of the great Abrahamic religions, are agreed: There is only one of Him. He is a solitary figure, a single, universal creator, not one God among many ... or so we like to believe,” writes researcher Francesca Stavrakopoulou. “After years of research specializing in the history and religion of Israel, however, I have come to a colorful and what could seem, to some, uncomfortable conclusion that God had a wife.”
Evidence of the Heavenly marriage dates as far back as the 8th century B.C.
“This is not a totally new idea, this idea that God did indeed marry and even that his 
wife was worshipped by the early traditions, but that unto itself is not evidence that his wife was indeed a God in her own right. Everyone knows that Santa Claus has a wife but it’s Santa who does all the work,” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “Keep in mind we are talking about three thousand years ago at least. While there were certainly some notable exceptions, the truth is that at that time women did not enjoy a prominent status in the workplace. That has certainly changed in the last hundred years or so with female politicians and captains of industry but all those years ago it was not the case. Even if He had a wife and even if she did have power, her impact would have been minimal meaning that she in essence isn’t a God.”
It’s believed likely that the wife, named Asherah, would have used any god-like powers to cook meals and keep the Holy realms neat and tidy.
“Worship is, after all, a key article of faith. While Asherah was certainly known in some cultures and even looked at as a figure of worship, she eventually fell away into the background and so whatever the real deal between the two, the impact on the faithful and the religion itself was nominal which essentially makes her not a god,” continued Gas. “Look at this as ancient sexism, the fact that she has been essentially written out of modern texts, or just as product of the times. Regardless of the reasons in all practical terms God is the only one who matters, at least to human beings. I’m sure she has more than a little pull in the Holy Household that we simply don’t hear about, much like Mrs. Claus.”
Research also indicates that God loves a good ham sandwich, even on Fridays.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
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