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NEWS > BUSINESS > MILLIONS FORCED BACK TO WORK AFTER RAPTURE FAILS TO CLAIM THEM
MILLIONS FORCED BACK TO WORK AFTER RAPTURE FAILS TO CLAIM THEM
May 22 2011
Oakland, CA – Eventually the world will come to an end. There is no debate about that. One day planet Earth will be consumed by our dying sun, first charred and then eventually obliterated and anything still living will be destroyed at the same time. The 
end of time is written, not in prophecy but in science. The world and everything we have accomplished, ever book, every poem, every love affair will pass into nothingness.
That eventuality is microcosm for our own existence. Virtually all aspects of our life are designed around our mortality and our awareness of that eventual end, where everything we have done or accomplished or lusted after are wiped away with one final breath. For many, that end time was supposed to come on May 21st, the supposed day of the Rapture, the event in which true believers in the Almighty are swept into Heaven, and the non-believers are left on Earth to do battle with the Antichrist. That ultimately did not occur on Saturday. There were no mass disappearances, no earthquakes portending the end of times. In fact, the greatest impact of the supposed end of humanity was probably clever status updates on Facebook. The reality of that end of times prediction has left many true believers without answers and the harsh reality of having to face work and school on Monday just like all the sinners.
“I’m very upset that the Lord decided to not take us this day, but I trust in his eternal wisdom now and forever. I am merely his servant and whenever he calls upon me to 
be by his side, I will be ready whether that is in a day or in a hundred years,” said local resident Marie Watkins. “I always stand ready for the Lord. I had hoped to avoid work on Monday but that is not my reason for devotion to the Lord. I will suffer the turmoil of that working life because that is what the Lord asks of me.”
Watkins apparently burned a lot of bridges at her employer, a local bank, before leaving on Friday. It’s not immediately clear how welcome she will be when she returns.
“We are going to have a little chat as to how one is supposed to behave at work when she returns on Monday. We believe we can smooth over some of the hurt feelings, but we are all going to have to have an understanding that certain things just aren’t acceptable in the workplace,” said one of her superiors who preferred to remain anonymous. “We are going to have to build some bridges with the other staff members and that will depend heavily on Ms. Watkins. We fully intend on trying to make this work, again, and we welcome her back with that in mind.”
The bank official also stated that a number of pens and a stapler went missing on Friday, but that hasn’t been directly linked to Watkins.
“I have been receiving a lot of correspondence and a great deal of concerns from 
people all across the country, most of them asking what they can do at their jobs and
even schools. Most people just don’t want to go back and had resigned themselves to the notion that they wouldn’t have to show up on Monday, and that idea terrifies them almost as much as facing down the Antichrist,” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “Aside from things they might have done, I think most people just don’t like the idea of having to set the alarm again. I can certainly understand that, particularly if you have spent the last few weeks preparing for the end of everything. Having to get up so early has to be a bit of a pain in the butt. This woman in Oakland is not alone, I can tell you that for sure.”
It’s not clear what time Harold Camping, the man who had predicted the Rapture, wakes up on Mondays.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
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