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NEWS > BUSINESS > PENN JILLETTE DISCOVERS WHAT HAPPENS TO US AFTER DEATH
PENN JILLETTE DISCOVERS WHAT HAPPENS TO US AFTER DEATH
August 17 2011
New York, NY – For thousands of years human beings have sought meaning for life. We have sought our reason for existence, the value of life. For many that has translated into a complex belief system that, essentially, rewards good behaviour and punished bad behaviour once we expire. Many belief systems have a version of what happens to us after death, but no clear answer has ever been established, until now.
Penn Jillette, the taller and more vocal member of the magic team of Penn and Teller, has apparently found the answers to life and death and revealed them on Piers Morgan’s late night talk show. Eschewing traditional belief systems such as an afterlife or reincarnation, Jillette has determined that nothing happens after death, that we simply cease to be, finally putting an end to the debate which has so consumed human beings for centuries.
“What do you think happens when we die?” asked Morgan.
“Well, nothing. I think there’s no evidence at all,” replied Jillette.
Jillette is currently promoting his new book, which has been touted as an Atheist Bible.
“It’s an interesting idea to be sure. It really does do away with a lot of the concerns that many people have had for so long. By simply having nothing happen we do away with a lot of the tension and rigmarole that consumes so much of life” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “This really does make things lot easier and could do a 
lot to end the strife which has so consumed the world over and over again. I doubt many people would have looked to Penn for answers, but he gave them nonetheless.”
Jillette stated that he didn’t know how we got here in the first place.
“I have always enjoyed Penn and Teller. They have really done great things with magic, taken it to a whole new level of entertainment, and that is a great thing. I guess though, or at least we can see now, that that was simply all preamble to this day, to this set of answers. They may not give away their tricks, but that doesn’t mean they can’t give the answers to existence,” continued Gas. “Of course this does not preclude the existence of a higher being. There was no guarantee of an afterlife, simply of life itself. The lack of life after death does not mean that God does not exist in some form, just that we won’t see him.” 
Unlike the answers to existence, Jillette refused to divulge any answers to his complex card tricks.
“So I guess the real question, then, is why do we do the things we do? Why do we contemplate the end of time, why do we watch magicians? These are potent questions because if we don’t do these things to get into the afterlife then what’s the point?” continued Gas. “I know I for one will look at magic shows and card tricks a little differently now. They really don’t seem to have the same value anymore.”
Teller gave no such answer when reached for comment. It’s not yet clear whether or not he agrees with his long time partner.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
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