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NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > SCHWARZENEGGER’S BABY MAMA DRAMA DESTROYS SKYNET AND SAVES THE WORLD
SCHWARZENEGGER’S BABY MAMA DRAMA DESTROYS SKYNET AND SAVES THE WORLD
May 20 2011
Los Angeles, CA – The world has been destroyed. A nuclear holocaust has destroyed all our cities and the few remaining humans are forced to survive on scraps as they are chased down by relentless killing machines which have taken over the planet. The 
odds of survival are slim, but the hopes of all humanity are placed in one man, one man who can save everyone and turn the tide of the war against the machines, if he can avoid being killed himself.
If that sounds like the plot of a blockbuster Hollywood adventure, it is. It is the plot of the Terminator films which for nearly three decades have been the hallmark for science fiction action-adventure. It is also the series that launched the acting career of Arnold Schwarzenegger, a path which has twisted and turned in many different directions, and one that seemed inevitably to end up where it all began, in the hands of the machines. Now though, with the recent revelations of Schwarzenegger’s very human infidelities, love children, and separation from his wife, it appears that the most recent instalment of the Terminator franchise has been, well, terminated, at least for now. That end, a result of a child whose existence cannot be wiped out, may have forever ended the threat of Skynet and saved the future of humanity from the terror of the machines.
“Gov. Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timelines. This includes `Cry Macho,’ the `Terminator’
franchise and other projects under consideration. We will resume discussions when 
Gov. Schwarzenegger decides,” read a statement from Schwarzenegger’s office. “We ask that people respect his privacy at this time. We are all quite aware of the media attention focussed on Mr. Schwarzenegger and his future plans, but for the time being we request that those inquiries remain respectful and understanding during this difficult time.”
It was recently revealed that Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a former employee in 1997, ironically the year Skynet was due to go online.
“Unfortunately I don’t think this will end the rule of the machines. Schwarzenegger is, like it or not, the kind of personality that will prove very much bulletproof in this kind of thing. He has always been able to push aside controversies and maintain his stardom, even become Governor. People love him and that trumps just about everything else,” said Scrape TV Entertainment analyst Tracey Temple. “He will take a little time and he will eventually come back. He will never be as big a star as he was in the 1980’s, that time has gone into the past, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have something to give. I think audiences will welcome him back, provided he doesn’t act like a total fool over this issue.”
Rumours suggest that Schwarzenegger may have even more love children somewhere in the world, none of whom appear to be named John.
“I’m not sure how this affects Skynet and the future destruction of mankind however. In the first movie he was there to eliminate the future and in the second two he saved it, so the issue is kind of murky. Right now we have to assume the world is safe but that is likely precisely what the machines would want before they take over, lulling us into a false sense of security and putting all our faith in them,” continued Temple. I don’t know really, I report celebrity news and have no real expertise in determining the destruction of mankind through all these time paradoxes. It’s a complex thing and something that should really be left to the experts. Hopefully though, this lovechild doesn’t bring the apocalypse. Hopefully.”
Michael Biehn, the true father of the human resistance, had no comment.
Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent
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