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NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > SIMON COWELL MAKES PLANS TO BE RE-FROZEN AFTER DEATH
SIMON COWELL MAKES PLANS TO BE RE-FROZEN AFTER DEATH
September 2 2011
Los Angeles, CA – Death is the end, or is it? That is one of the most compelling questions in the history of humanity, one that people have sought an answer to for centuries, and one that Simon Cowell fully intends to answer.
The TV host has announced his plans to extend his life beyond the norm by having his body frozen when he dies with the hope that somewhere down the line he will be resurrected, presumably to a brand new broadcasting contract.
Cowell isn’t the first person to pursue such an end to his life, but if he does go through with it may be one of the highest profile figures to ever undergo the controversial procedure, which if successful will allow Cowell to be nasty to his own great-great-great grandchildren.
“It’s an insurance policy. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. If it does work, I’ll be happy. If it’s possible, and I think it will be, why not have a second crack? Does that sound crazy? I think it’s a good idea,” Cowell told GQ magazine. “I have a feeling that if I don’t do it now, I could regret this in 300 years’ time.”
The process would involve cryonically freezing Cowell’s body, storing it in a freezer facility, and hoping that future scientists will not only be able to resolve whatever it is that killed him but also reverse the damage caused by the process. It’s not clear if Cowell’s trademark black shirts will be stored along with him.
“This is still a very controversial process for a lot of reasons, partially moral and ethical, but also legal. What obligation would future people have to restoring a person to life? What if Cowell becomes even more hated over the next three hundred years? Who would want to bring him back?” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “I mean it is very unlikely that we will have television talent shows that far in the future. As big as they are now, that just doesn’t seem all that likely. What would he do in the future? His talents are already limited and in a new world they might be totally irrelevant.”
Some have postulated that retraining would be required for all frozen people, though the extended age of many of those people may make such efforts fruitless.
“Inevitably people will be living longer in the future but there is guarantee that the effects of aging will be reversible. People will age better, not have the effects halted or reversed. If Cowell dies at an old age he will be totally useless to future people. He will be a relic of the past, little more than an artifact or a living fossil in so many ways. That makes the whole process really dubious to say the least,” continued Poe. “That said, if they do have talent shows in the future he could be heralded as a hero. In fact, Cowell could become an almost God-like figure in the future and that would make his resurrection a wondrous time for humanity. People would worship him, kneel before him, and that would be great for them and for Cowell, of course.”
Cowell has already written his first words for his resurrection, and they aren’t very nice at all.
Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent
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