U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > NEW INFORMATION LEADS EXPERTS TO BELIEVE THAT BETTY WHITE IS IMMORTAL
NEW INFORMATION LEADS EXPERTS TO BELIEVE THAT BETTY WHITE IS IMMORTAL
October 8 2010
Los Angeles, CA – The quest for immortality is nothing new in the human experience. For centuries, men and women have been desperately trying to turn back the clock, to reverse aging in an effort to remain young and vital forever. While that 
inevitably fails, the desire remains and preoccupies our thoughts and even our mythology – from fountains of youth to vampires – and drives much of modern culture. Nowhere is that more apparent than in Hollywood which remains as always obsessed with youth and beauty.
Because of that the recent success of Betty White appears to be an anachronism. With appearances in hit shows like ‘Community’ and ‘Saturday Night Live’, White is enjoying some of the greatest success of her long career. While career comebacks aren’t unheard of in Hollywood, for people closing in on ninety years old it is extraordinarily unusual. Her sudden fresh appeal to viewers of all ages is unquestionably one of the strangest comebacks in history, especially for a town so focussed on youth. Now though it appears that a partial answer may provide some answers to her fresh appeal. According to medical officials who have obtained detailed medical records of the octogenarian, White may in fact be possessed of the long sought after gift of immortality, ensuring that she will be around to entertain television viewers for, well, forever.
“When you analyze the DNA and cell structure you can very clearly see that while there has been some degradation, it is not at the level one would expect for a person in their late eighties. Internally she is at about the same level as someone two decades younger and there seems to be no change in the records from five years ago, meaning simply that she has stopped ageing,” said a medical insider. “This means that, barring gross accident or a malicious attack, that Betty White is immortal. Her cells have simply stopped ageing meaning that they will continue to replicate in their current state indefinitely making her the first example of human immortality.”
The turritopsis nutricula, a jellyfish, is believed to be the only animal species capable of immortality.
“This does not mean that her immortality will be able to be applied to anyone else, 
though it may provide us with some answers to ageing. What it does mean is that we will have Betty White around for a long, long time and generations will be able to enjoy her wit and grandmotherly charm,” continued the insider. “One can only hope for her sake that this comeback isn’t a temporary thing or that she doesn’t do something to screw it up like other people have done. She seems like such a pleasant person that it would be a shame if wasn’t able to continue to work, especially since she will have to take care of herself for eternity. That’s a lot of food and a lot of new clothes and there’s no evidence that she knows plumbing or carpentry. Acting is all she’s got so hopefully that sticks around.”
It’s not immediately clear if White was actually born in 1922, as stated on her birth certificate, or if she has been living for centuries and merely assuming new identities in a quest to keep her secret.
“Immortality is something everyone has dreamt of at one time or another and it is a very real possibility that in our lifetime science will be able to extend lives to two or three hundred years. That is nothing to Betty White obviously but at least we are part of the way there,” said Scrape TV Medical analyst Dr. Phillip Waites. “The bigger question will become what does a person do with immortality? Would it be blessing or a curse to see everyone you love live and die over and over again? Would a person from our era be a freak of nature in, say, ten thousand years? Would you constantly have to avoid people trying to get samples of your blood to create their own immortality potion? We simply don’t know, but I guess one Golden Girl will find out for the rest of us.”
White has not made her plans for the rest of eternity public.
Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent
NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > NEW INFORMATION LEADS EXPERTS TO BELIEVE THAT BETTY WHITE IS IMMORTAL
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Entertainment/pages-8/New-information-leads-experts-to-believe-that-Betty-White-is-immortal-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/bDvGhG |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
