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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > HITLER KITTY RAPIDLY TAKING TERRITORY IN ANIMAL SHELTER
HITLER KITTY RAPIDLY TAKING TERRITORY IN ANIMAL SHELTER
July 31 2011
Godmanchester, U.K. – Life can be tough, even for cats. Few lives can be as tough as one little kitty found abandoned in a small English town who bears an uncanny resemblance to the most infamous and ruthless dictator to the world has ever seen.
The kitten, nicknamed ‘Kitler’, was found by a local abandoned on the side of the road. At first glance, it became apparent why the animal had been left alone. The local, wanting nothing to do with the animal, turned it over to a local animal shelter.
“Kitler is an adorable little girl who will make a wonderful addition to the right family. She is really playful and a typical sweet kitten,” said spokesperson for the shelter. “We rehome five and a half thousand animals every year but we cannot find a loving owner for Kitler. We think her unusual markings are putting people off.”
The kitten is predominately white with a small black marking under her nose and a sweep of black on her forehead, making her look very similar to the former Furhrer. She also has a tendency to raise a single paw without prompting. It’s believed that the kitten comes from mixed ancestry. It’s not clear where she was born.
Hitler, himself a cross breed, was born in Austria in 1889. He went onto to lead Germany in the greatest global conflagration in history leading to deaths of millions of people across the world. Like Hitler, the kitten has apparently shown an aversion to 
anyone other than white Anglo-Saxons, reducing the pool of potential adopters.
“It’s really sad that people are ignoring this little kitten, She really is very pleasant and adorable, very unlike Hitler in so many ways. I mean she is just a kitten and we don’t know what she will be like when she gets older, but it’s is worth the risk,” said a shelter insider. “She is very quiet and she stands at attention as soon as people come into the room. It is very cute the way she raises her paw whenever people approach. I’ve never really seen that with another cat before.”
The kitten is six weeks old but already her presence has brought controversy to the small town.
“We put these bleeding cats down all the time. The last thing we need is another one of these things stinking up the place, especially if it’s going to cause trouble,” said one local, echoing a similar sentiment. “We all made that mistake once before and there is no reason why we need to make it again. It’s not like Chamberlin is running the pound.”
Neville Chamberlin is widely regarded as the main reason Hitler was able to gain so much ground. ‘Kitler’ has apparently no such ambitions but is a voracious eater.
“I think it’s very unlikely that we will see another series of incidents like what happened in the 1930’s. Aside from the fact that the world has changed so much, this is just a cat. She may be compelling, but it will still be difficult for her to marshal millions of people to better kitten kind,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “Besides, she’s only going to live like ten or fifteen years. That’s hardly enough time to rise to power and take over a continent. Even her namesake took longer than that.”
‘Kitler’ apparently has a tendency to purr when other animals are taken away to be euthanized.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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