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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > NORTH KOREA GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT CANNIBALISM
NORTH KOREA GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT CANNIBALISM
June 27 2011
Seoul, South Korea – Everyone knows the situation is bad in North Korea. Aside from the nuclear weapons, the massive military, and bouffant wearing leader there are deep and serious problems throughout the country that are seriously impacting the
way in which normal people live their lives. The biggest of those problems is easily the food shortage that has been affecting the poorer regions of the country over the last two decades. A perfect storm of government mismanagement and serious droughts have left huge parts of the country with little or no food, and that in turn has made them desperate.
Stories of cannibalism have abounded in North Korea for years and though much of it was thought to be rumour and even propaganda, some of the tales have turned out to be true. The idea of cannibalism is an astounding one, offensive to just about everyone regardless of what country they are from. Even in the most rural parts of the world the process has been eliminated, but in North Korea, a nation with the world’s second largest military force, it seems that not only is cannibalism happening, it has become almost commonplace and acceptable, at least in certain areas. Now, acknowledging for the first time the presence of the practice, North Korean officials have issued safe cooking guidelines for anyone wishing to engage in the practice of eating human flesh.
“Obviously this is not something they want the rest of the world to know, but it has been quite widely understood that this practice is occurring in the country and has 
been for quite a long time. Police and government have known about it but this is the first time they are actually starting to become actively involved in the process,” said a North Korean insider who recently escaped. “Many people were starting to become ill after eating human flesh and it was determined that the cooking procedures had been lacking. The government has now taken steps to resolve this.”
This is the second such acknowledgement of the practice following an official police report which documented the killing of a man whose flesh was partially eaten and the rest sold off as mutton.
“It is still technically illegal in the country but it is like marijuana laws in western countries. It is on the books, but few people actually enforce the laws. Essentially, because people were becoming ill, they determined that it was best to deal with the situation rather than try to fight it and so these procedures were introduced,” continued the insider. “There have been a few editions of the procedures, but the latest just went a little too far as far as I’m concerned. It is one thing to issue safe cooking instructions but something else to offer suggested side dishes and spices. When I was asked to have chefs consult on the best way to sauté human thigh I decided that things had gone a little too far and that is why I escaped.”
Most recommendations include, of course, Kimchi.
“Culinary appetites are of course much different around the world, but red meat is pretty much a standard. That is the one food with which virtually no one has an issue. Well, the Indians do I suppose but that’s it. For most people meat is the only way to get protein and so it makes sense that these starving people would eventually turn to human flesh. You literally cannot survive on fruits and vegetables,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “Unfortunately human flesh contains a great number of pathogens and chemicals that are not meant for consumption. We are, literally, what we eat and human beings eat a lot of junk that animals don’t. That makes our meat a little toxic and thus it requires a little better preparation than normal beef. It needs to cook a little longer and there are some cuts that you should just avoid. Luckily the North Korean government cares enough about their people to issue these warnings, now we just have to hope they pay attention.”
The health pamphlets have also seen distribution in major cities, sparking speculation that the appetite for human flesh may have spread.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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