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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > HUGO CHAVEZ DECLARES HIMSELF FREE FROM THE BONDS OF CAPITALIST CANCER
HUGO CHAVEZ DECLARES HIMSELF FREE FROM THE BONDS OF CAPITALIST CANCER
October 21 2011
Caracas, Venezuela – “I am free of illness. The new Chavez is back ... We will live!” Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez proclaimed to his people after arriving back home from Cuba. Chavez had been undergoing cancer treatment in Cuba for the last few months and just days ago it was rumoured that he has terminal, but it appears those reports may have been misguided.
Chavez, 57, has been the subject of much speculation in recent weeks over his health with many around the world anticipating his death, and man in his country fearing the same thing. It is not clear if Chavez has actually been cleared by doctors or is simply proclaiming himself free of the deadly cancer, which reports indicate he believes is a result of Capitalist interference.
There is no evidence, yet, that any western capitalist country actually injected Chavez with cancerous cells or bombarded his crotch area with radiation, though Chavez has never made it clear specifically how he felt the Capitalists would have interfered with his health.
“In many ways this is actually a good thing for the rest of the world. Whether you like him or not, Chavez has totally dominated his country for a number of years and that has squeezed out pretty much all political competitors and people with experience. 
Chavez has not been a great leader but there have been very few in that country, and he is certainly amongst the most successful it has seen,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “Without Chavez there would be a vacuum that could actually lead to more dangerous people, or more correctly actually dangerous people rather than just eccentric ones and that would not be good.”
Venezuela is one of the leading exporters of oil to the United States. Traditionally the U.S. has purchased the oil with cash, not cancer, and there is no evidence that that arrangement has changed.
“The last thing people need right now is increased instability in an important trading partner. As problematic as Chavez has been, he has been stable in his problem causing and that has meant a steady flow from the south. That would change if he had the cancer,” continued Hander. “I mean we don’t really know. He could be playing it off and actually be dying and we may not know until that actually happens, but at least for now he is in charge and reporting to be cancer free and that is good for oil prices.”
Chavez plans to run for re-election next year, much more aggressively now that he has been freed from capitalist influence.
“Chavez will eventually get cancer and die, because that’s what tends to happen to all of us. Hopefully for his sake the next round will be home grown Venezuelan cancer rather than the cancer that is Capitalism. That will allow him to die in peace and not really fight it,” continued Hander. “Hopefully, too, it’s a long and lingering disease. That will allow him to groom a successor and make things right for the people of his country as he wastes away.”
Chavez has reportedly been seeking the Presidency for life, however long that is.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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