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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > PRINCE CHARLES RESURRECTS DRACULA TO SAVE TREES IN ROMANIA
PRINCE CHARLES RESURRECTS DRACULA TO SAVE TREES IN ROMANIA
October 29 2011
London, U.K. – Amongst Royals there have always been the put upon, the downtrodden, the fools which embarrass the rulers. Throughout human history those people have made messes of things, squandered riches and sparked wars and often found themselves exiled or otherwise diminished from their high profile. For the better part of two decades, Prince Charles has found himself as that person despite being first in line to the throne.
Much of that is undoubtedly unfair, tied to his failed marriage with a beloved princess. Charles has, after all, become a prominent spokesperson for environmental causes and a campaigner for human rights the world over, hardly the buffoon that were so many of his ancestors. But still, that perception exists fairly or unfairly and so when it comes to proving himself occasionally he becomes the fool that everyone thinks he is, just what happened in Romania.
While campaigning to save forests throughout the country, particularly in the Transylvania area, Charles revealed his distant relation to a local legend, Vlad Tepes, better known as Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration for Count Dracula. While little more than a legend now, Tepes was one of the great madmen of history, revelling in the slaughter and torture of civilians, a far cry from the tree-loving peacenik nature of Charles. Still, the future King called on this ancestry to try and save the local forests, presumably to eventually cut down and used as impalement stakes when he takes power.
“As best as can be tracked, Charles Great-Grandmother was a direct descendant from Tepes which would in fact make him related. Obviously the two men are quite different in temper, but the same blood does run through both of them and that is very much a concern for the future of the United Kingdom,” said Scrape TV British analyst Nigel Northington. “In Transylvania Tepes is celebrated, which is presumably why Charles invoked his name, but that is only because he is better known as the inspiration for Dracula, not as a madman who ordered people staked in front his castle, but that is what he did. Charles should really look into these things before speaking on them, unless of course that’s the type of persona he’s trying to create for himself.”
Estimates, only estimates, put the death toll under Tepes at 100,000, an extraordinarily high number for the time in which he operated.
He was also rumoured to have feasted on the deceased, though such tales have never been verified. Charles, it is believed, has no appetite for human flesh, finding it too coppery tasting, though some express concern that his long wait for power could corrupt his sense of right and wrong.
“If Charles takes power, and the way the Queen is going that is a really big if, we have to watch carefully. He will only have a few years of rule in him no matter when he takes power and that could cause him to, well to go a little mad, drunk with the power he does have and that could get ugly,” continued Northington. “If we start to see stakes erected along the Thames then we know something is up. That would most certainly not be a good thing for the people of Britain. It is very possible that this bid to save the Transylvanian forest is part of deal to eventually import stake-ready trees to England and if that is the case we could have a great tragedy on our hands once again.”
Charles made the claims on a Romanian television show, in an exaggerated Transylvanian accent.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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