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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ZEUS IGNORES GREEK CALLS FOR NEW LOAN AGREEMENT
ZEUS IGNORES GREEK CALLS FOR NEW LOAN AGREEMENT
October 24 2011
Athens, Greece – Greece is burning, literally and figuratively. The place where western civilization began, the place that invented much of our modern world, is on the brink and it does not appear that there will be any coming back for the nation, barring a miracle.
Tough austerity measures, multi-billion dollar bailouts, and help from just about the entire world have not really helped bring the Greek crisis under control. Now it appears that other nations in the EU are weeks, if not days, from just cutting them off entirely, hoping to save their struggling currency by removing the weak link, leaving the Greek people alone in their struggle.
Well, sort of alone. As happens in tough times many in the country have turned to religion to help guide them through these treacherous times and Greece, being Greece, has a longer and deeper legacy of religion than just about any other country, dating all the way back to their heyday. Digging deep into that legacy, many in the country are appealing to their ancient Gods for help, hoping that the Mighty Lord Zeus will be able to guide them through their economic issues, or at least float them a loan on low interest, but thus far there has been no response from Mount Olympus.
“We are very happy that the other nations of the European Union have stood by us as they have. This is the best example of what the Union should be able to do and is a tribute to the spirit of all the people involved,” said a spokesperson for the Greek government. “However, it has become clear that we need other aid and while we do appreciate the aid we have been given, we do have to consider other financing options which is why we have pleaded to Mount Olympus for aid. So far, we have received no response.”
The EU did release an 8 billion euro package to the country, a small portion of what would be required to shore up the nation. It’s not clear what Zeus’ lending rates would be in comparison to the EU bailout.
“We must consider all our options, for the good of the Greek people and the EU as a whole. It is important that we try to find the best economic solution to these problems and make the country as better place, a great place, just as it has been before,” continued the spokesperson. “We are not guaranteeing that we will enter into an agreement with the Gods at this stage, but we do want to consider what it is they have to offer. Once we have all the information we will make a decision and go from there.”
It’s not yet clear if the silence from Mount Olympus is a result of the Gods being ignored by the Greek people for the last two thousand years, or if they are just working out the financial details before making an offer.
“The situation is actually really dire in Greece and the consequences will be felt all over the world. Greece represents a very small portion of the global economy, and even of the EU, but a collapse would shake investors and that will make them sketchy anytime someone has trouble,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “They need to resolve this and it would be ideal if it could be done internally. That would be the best thing for the EU as a whole but if they need to go to outside lenders, whether it be Russia or China or Olympus, well the best thing is that they get the finances shored up, just so long as they don’t accept ridiculous terms that could hurt them in the long term.”
Thunderstorms throughout the country are thought to be unrelated to the request.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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