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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > AUSTRALIA LAUNCHES FLEET OF HYBRID SHARKS IN FIRST STAGE OF WORLD DOMINATION
AUSTRALIA LAUNCHES FLEET OF HYBRID SHARKS IN FIRST STAGE OF WORLD DOMINATION
January 6 2012
Canberra, Australia – There is, perhaps, no more feared animal on the planet than sharks. True, there are other dangerous animals, and ones which are certainly very scary, but sharks are something else entirely. Perhaps it is the almost alien look of the animals, perhaps the way you just can’t see them coming, or perhaps it is the giant jaws that seem totally inescapable. Perhaps it is all those things. Whatever the reason, sharks are scary.
Luckily, most people never have to deal with sharks. Endangered and isolated in their range anyways, the majority of the world’s oceans are free from the vicious predators. Some places though are inundated with the animals, dealing with them on a daily basis, places like the otherwise idyllic Australia.
In that country, sharks are as common place as shrimp on the barbie and boxing kangaroos, something with which the people of the country have always had an uneasy relationship. Now though the country has decided that they have dealt with these creatures, alone, for far too long and have now created a series of hybrids, super sharks which they hope will travel the world and show the rest of the planet what they have been dealing with all this time.
“Sharks physically mate, which is usually a good way to make sure you don't hybridize with the wrong species. We don't know whether that's the case here, but certainly we know that they are viable, they reproduce and that there are multiple generations of hybrids. Certainly it appears that they are fairly fit individuals,” said Dr Jess Morgan, of the University of Queensland.
The new sharks appear stronger, much more aggressive, and very capable of living in more diverse habitats.
The Australian government has officially denied having anything to do with creating the new hybrids, saying it is a result of global climate change, but others have painted a different story of the new hyper-predators.
“To think that this is a natural occurrence is just bizarre. Sharks stay within their own species more so than just about any other species on the planet. While it is certainly possible that these warm waters are making them friskier, they would just breed more with their own kind not other species. It just doesn’t make sense,” said a government insider. “The simple truth is that there have been experiments run for years on sharks. I don’t know if this is the end result or just an accidental release but I can tell you that this is no mistake of global warming.”
Thus far, the sharks have stayed in the area around Australia suggesting they are waiting to strike, or that the plan has backfired.
“Sharks have stayed pretty much unchanged for millions of years and so to suggest that warmer waters has suddenly caused them to evolve and change their behaviour by themselves is totally ridiculous. This was done on purpose, but I think the people of Australia may end up suffering the consequences,” continued the insider. “Keep in mind that this wasn’t an experiment done by the Americans or some other country. This is an Oz-only project, with Ozzie scientists and that is usually not a good thing. It tends to backfire, has done so over and over again, and it looks like that may be happening again unfortunately.”
The government has denied those accusations, though the sharks have shown a preference for swimmers wearing cork hats. It should be mentioned though that almost all natives of the country wear their cork hats will swimming.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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