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IRAN SWEARS TO GOD IT WILL CLOSE THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ, JUST TEST THEM
January 24 2012
Tehran, Iran – Another Tuesday, another threat from Iran. As has become standard over the last few weeks the Iranian government has threatened to close the Strait of Hormuz, the essential oil distribution waterway responsible for nearly one quarter of the world’s oil supply. Iran has been conducting military exercises in the Strait for the last few weeks.
Now the threat has been ratcheted up in the face of new sanctions from the European Union against Iranian oil supplies, another move designed to put downward pressure on the regime to give up their nuclear arms program.
This time, Iran has doubled down on their threat to close the Strait and choke off oil supply to the globe, which if successful would have a devastating effect on the world economy and strangle pretty much all revenue coming into Iran. Despite that latter point, Iran is determined to shut off the Strait, a move which could result in military conflict with the United States, swearing up and down that this time they aren’t joking, they aren’t just talking, they are actually going to do it. Swear to God.
“The Strait would definitely be closed if the sale of Iranian oil is violated in any way. We warn the United States against any military adventurism in the region,” said Mohammad Ismail Kowsari of the Iranian Parliament. “This is not a western cowboy movie, a John Wayne or Roy Rogers situation where they shoot and ask questions. This time we are not accepting any options, we will close the Strait with our ships.”
Iran has extended their military drills around the region long beyond the planned ten days, running their motorboats with abandon and playing loud music to scare off would-be interlopers.
Most of the Iranian boats have flames painted on the sides. Elite vessels, which have been largely isolated thus far, have skulls painted on them, some even with flames coming out of the skulls. The U.S. has aircraft carriers, planes, and a whole host of other military assets in the region which may soon be joined by British forces.
“Thus far it has really only been talk and bluster. The bulk of really has been zooming 
those boats around and knicking up spray on the sides of aircraft carriers which has kept the U.S. away, preferring to not provoke a conflict if possible but it’s clear things have taken a turn now. Now it isn’t just normal rhetoric, it’s really harsh rhetoric, people even swearing to God that they will do it which is a real escalation,” said Scrape TV High Seas analyst Ricardo Fuentes. “It makes sense, what with the U.S. imposing all these harsh sanctions. Unfortunately I, like most people, very much doubt the Iranian ability to close the Strait for very long. They have really scary boats and a lot of them but not nearly as many bullets and missiles as the United States. If it comes to conflict, real conflict, I think the U.S. will come out victorious. Unless of course Iran unleashes those skull boats, that could really kill morale with U.S. sailors.”
The sound of revving engines has reportedly increased in the Strait over the last twelve hours or so, sending chills throughout the region.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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