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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > MAMA MIA! HOLY WEEK EARTHQUAKE KILLS DOZENS IN HOLY LAND

Italy Earthquake

MAMA MIA! HOLY WEEK EARTHQUAKE KILLS DOZENS IN HOLY LAND

April 7 2009

Rome, Italy – Shaking from the land of spaghetti and pizza has killed at least 150 people, injured 1500, and displaced thousands. The massive earthquake shook central Italy, collapsing homes and buildings in 26 cities in the area just east of Rome. Included in the destruction of more than 15,000 buildings are a number of ancient churches, an especially ironic touch considering the proximity to Vatican City and that it occurred during Easter week. italy earthquake victim

Thousands of rescuers have flocked to the area to plough through the mountains of broken buildings and destroyed pasta and though the focus is on helping the injured, many in the Italian Holy Land are wondering why God has abandoned them in the holiest of holy weeks.

“Naturally people turn to religion in times of disaster and peril but this quake must be confusing a lot of people and leaves them with little tenacious d satan
to turn to considering when it happened. Of course earthquakes are not caused by the God or by Satan they are a part of a natural process involving tectonic plates and seismic waves,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “Generally speaking nature doesn’t really pay attention to dates or religious observations and so probably didn’t have any idea of the irony of this particular situation. Since nature isn’t a living being it’s unlikely this was meant as some kind of statement or affront to religious belief but you never know.”

The practice of attributing human traits to naturally occurring events or inanimate is called anthropomorphism or Pathetic Fallacy. While common in fiction an in casual conversation, such attribution is not an accepted part of scientific attribution or has any bearing on the real world.

“The idea of fate or trying to determine motive behind unrelated events is a common occurrence in people of all faiths and backgrounds. There has been no scientific Destinys child
evidence that what we see as fate or destiny exists in the real world. One person’s fateful event could be another person’s simple tragedy and therefore has little basis in reality,” said Scrape TV Philosophy analyst Prince Chaywan. “The attribution of a greater meaning behind events is a product of people viewing their existences as greater than they necessarily are or could ever be. Saying that God targeted the people in Italy for an Earthquake indicates that ‘God’ has some special interest in those people, or in the person who would make such a connection, which indicates some severe psychosis, an arrogant belief in one’s own value, or an affirmation of a greater power, whether that be a God or a vague concept such as fate or destiny. There is zero evidence to indicate those ideas are anything more than fantasy.”Spaghetti

Philosophy and religion aside, many Italians are now faced with the prospect of cleaning up and rebuilding their lives in the wake of the rock and rolling devastation caused by the 6.5 magnitude quake. Many will no doubt take years to fully recover from the trauma of the event but luckily for the world it is not expected that pasta prices will be affected by the tragedy.

“Luckily many companies make their own pasta and pizza now. This isn’t like a major chef boyardee ravioli
event in say Saudi Arabia which immediately results in pain at the pump. Italian food has become so ubiquitous that we are no longer on supplies directly from the motherland to keep prices down or keep us in plentiful supply,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “Sure it’s not real Italian food, but it at least approximates to taste and that’s good enough for most people, especially considering the price. I imagine that in this economy pasta is going to be one of the most purchased dry goods throughout the world and we have the Italians to thank for that. Italy can rest easy knowing that the rest of the western world is feeding their children with Italian goods.”

So far The Vatican has had no comment on the quake. The Italian government has also made no comment on why so many buildings built by Italians fell over so easily. It’s believed the silence is a result Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s preference for wingtips over concrete.

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > MAMA MIA! HOLY WEEK EARTHQUAKE KILLS DOZENS IN HOLY LAND

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