U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ZOMBIE WOOLY MAMMOTHS STALKING NORTHERN SIBERIA
ZOMBIE WOOLY MAMMOTHS STALKING NORTHERN SIBERIA
March 7 2010
Yakutsk, Russia – Extinction is, unfortunately, one of the basic truisms of the natural world. In the 3.7 billion years or so, that life has existed on our planet more millions of species have lived and died. Even with the incredible abundance of life forms
currently on the planet, their numbers pale in comparison to those that have already gone extinct. Some of those extinctions, such as the dinosaurs, are well known but smaller more obscure lives have already been lost forever, a process that continues today.
Some of those species have of course died at the hands of one specific apex predator, man, whose domination over the planet has pushed many life forms either to the point of eradication, or to the annals of history. A few of those extinct species have been well documented such as the Dodo bird or the Sabre-toothed tiger but no animal which has perished by the actions of man has as much resonance or fascination as the might Wooly Mammoth. Though many factors, such as glacial retreats and changing environmental conditions, contributed to the demise of the Mammoths, their rapid elimination was no doubt exacerbated by the rabid hunting of early man. It is through man as well that many believed that mammoths
might return, a product of cloning technology and fertile elephantine descendants but it now appears that the animal has spontaneously returned to life and begun stalking the wilds of Siberia.
“People used to just come across bones and throw them aside or take them to the garbage, because they were not interested in them. But now there's a big demand. And of course there's a lot of competition, and people who make it their main trade,” said farmer Gennady Tatarinov. “But things have been changing in recent months. We’ve begun seeing new tracks in the snow and more and more frequently we are starting to see live mammoths in the forests. So far no one has been able to capture one but because they appear to be showing up more and more I think it’s inevitable that someday soon we will take a live one.”
The Wooly Mammoth was believed to have gone extinct about 8000 years ago, with Siberia being their final resting ground. It’s not clear if these recent sightings are animals that have somehow managed to stay secret all this time, or are a result of something more nefarious.
“One possibility is that there is some mad scientist in the wilds of Siberia conducting cloning experiments. One would think that you would need advanced facilities to conduct that kind of work, but mad scientists are notorious for their ingenuity,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “There’s little doubt that that would be a great advance, but we have to be worried about what else he will do. Obviously massive hordes of Mammoths would be dangerous and formidable, but if he can clone those animals he might not stop there. Very soon we could see a massive army, led by this mad scientist, with mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers, and possibly even dinosaurs conquering Asia and Europe. That would not be good at all.”
It’s believed that any mad scientist in the region would be named Yuri or Dmitry.
“The other option isn’t much better. Much like you see in horror movies these animals could be rising from the dead. As we have seen in those films, such incidents never turn out well. Zombie human beings are one thing, but zombie Wooly Mammoths are just insane,” continued Poe. “Of course we could be dealing with both and if that is the case we need to put a stop to it immediately. The last thing the world needs is some crazy Russian with his horde of genetically altered zombie mammoths running rampant over the continent. The world has enough problems right now and we don’t need something like that happening.”
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has reportedly already removed his shirt and is making a bee line to Yakutsk.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ZOMBIE WOOLY MAMMOTHS STALKING NORTHERN SIBERIA
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Everyone%20Else/pages-5/Zombie-wooly-mammoths-stalking-northern-Siberia-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/aHRJcS |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
