U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ASSASSINATED TALIBAN LEADER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD
ASSASSINATED TALIBAN LEADER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD
May 4 2010
Islamabad, Pakistan – Throughout history tales of death and resurrection have pervaded the story telling of people. Pagan religions told of miraculous returns, Christianity used the concept as the basis for their religion, and in recent years has 
become the stuff of popular movies, albeit it in a much more malicious sensibility. Despite those tales, most of which are no doubt due to wish fulfillment, science has never been able to document or recreate such a return leaving stories the stuff of legend and fable.
Now a new incident with a new player seeks to change all that. Hakimullah Mehsud, a senior commander in the Pakistani branch of the Taliban, was believed killed last January in an attack from a U.S. drone but suddenly appeared in newly shot video over the weekend. Intelligence officials had declared Mehsud dead after the attack near the North-South Waziristan border but his appearance has now thrown all that into doubt. Though U.S. officials have yet to respond to the appearance of the leader, insiders indicate that they believe he simply hadn’t been killed and that their intelligence had been faulty. However Taliban officials and locals throughout the area have a different view, many of them having seen the leader dead and then return a few days later indicating some kind of heavenly interference.
“Praise be to Allah, he has seen fit to return our brother to us. The infidels cannot destroy the will of Allah and the will of Taliban with things such as missiles. We are doing His work and he has rewarded us with h the promise of eternal life everlasting,” said a spokesperson for the Pakistani Taliban. “You can all see now that our mission is from a higher power and cannot be undone by the political or military will of the infidel nations. Mehsud lives and will continue to live as long as we must fight against these oppresors.”
In the video Mehsud made no mention of interference from the Almighty but did refer to the drone attack that should have killed him.
“I cannot speak to how this came about. I am neither a military expert nor an
intelligence expert but it is clear that he is in fact alive. Perhaps the drone missed him,
perhaps it only wounded him, but perhaps, perhaps, he has come back from the dead. If that is true it changes the dynamics of the battle entirely,” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “A Holy resurrection means that God is interfering with affairs on Earth. It could mean that he has sided with the Taliban or it could means that he is simply testing his believers by bringing back a person who essentially assaults honest religious belief, but whatever His purpose might be if he is in fact touching one man on Earth and engaging in this battle then we have something far beyond what we had originally thought. We have a true Holy War.”
It’s believed that if God has sided with the Taliban then the opposing forces are screwed.
“The other option of course is some kind of zombie element. From what we have seen in this video he seemed to be normal and rational with little or no taste for human flesh, which could be a Muslim thing I suppose, but it does indicate that at the very least our interpretations of zombies are flawed,” continued Gas. “If that does happen however then the Taliban has won. If there is anything that we have learned from zombie movies, it’s that they are unstoppable and we might as well make preparations for living out our last remaining days. I guess we will have to wait and see how this turns out to determine whether or not we have a chance.”
Zombies as depicted in film are unable to articulate complex thoughts, which Mehsud was able to do in the video.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ASSASSINATED TALIBAN LEADER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Everyone%20Else/pages-6/Assassinated-Taliban-leader-returns-from-the-dead-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/djPBr0 |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
