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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > U.N. MULLING PLAN TO ELIMINATE ICELAND PERMANENTLY
U.N. MULLING PLAN TO ELIMINATE ICELAND PERMANENTLY
April 21 2010
New York, NY – The story of the naming of Iceland is well known. The plan was to throw off potential conquerors by giving the island a foreboding name and instead sending them to neighbouring Greenland which in fact is icy and barren. While there 
may or may not be truth to that tale the reality of early naval navigation meant that the name on the map was of marginal consequence, particularly after one group discovered the truth and would logically tell everyone else. Regardless, the nation has always more or less stayed out of everyone’s way, until recently.
It was in Iceland that the first tremors of the financial crisis were felt with major banks defaulting there. The subsequent crisis led to rioting in the streets, massive work stoppages, and fears that the government of the country could completely and utterly collapse. Now after a series of volcanic eruptions in the Eyjafjallajökull region of the country, which has brought Western Europe to a standstill and is now causing problems in North America, the United Nations is considering a radical new action against the nation. The proposal is to utterly obliterate the country, blowing the island back into the sea, and being done with the nation that brought us Bjork once and for all.
“We understand that this idea is radical and will be more than a little controversial but frankly we feel this is the only option now available to us. This country was quiet for centuries and now all of a sudden has started 
causing insane levels of trouble across the world and that must end,” said a representative for the Swedish government who tabled the proposal. “We are not, and I want to make this clear, we are not advocating killing the people or animals of Iceland. They would be relocated to proper countries, but it is clear that this island experiment is not working and we need to put an end to it before anyone else gets hurt.”
The proposal is similar to one that would have seen the end of Haiti which was proposed by Belize after the earthquake in January. 
“On the surface it seems an odd thing but people need to realize that nations rise and fall all the time. Great nations, something which Iceland is not, rise and fall all the time so ending one nation is actually not all that strange. It has never been done as a part of a kind of urban renewal but that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen that way,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “There are a number of advantages that this would create aside from ridding us of the current problems. Most importantly it would dramatically change shipping patterns and potentially streamline the transit in an out of Europe, particularly the Scandinavian countries and northern Russia. The real question isn’t whether or not we do this but rather how do we do it safely?”
Nuclear weapons are considered too destructive and likely incapable of actually destroying the island.
“Simple put we don’t have the type of weaponry available to completely obliterate an 
island of this size without causing massive devastation to the rest of the world. Ideally we would have some kind of massive laser which we could fire from space and just evaporate the land mass instantaneously,” continued Hander. “We simply do not have that technology yet and that has to be considered when taking on any kind of proposal like this. Land movers also likely wouldn’t work because they would just take too long. It’s too bad that we couldn’t have the island just self destruct at the sound of Bjork. That would solve everything.”
The people of Iceland could apparently care less if their country was destroyed and have not protested the proposal.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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