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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > U.S. CONSIDERING JUST NUKING AFGHANISTAN FROM ORBIT
U.S. CONSIDERING JUST NUKING AFGHANISTAN FROM ORBIT
April 13 2010
Washington, D.C. – War is never easy and it is never clean. There is little doubt that the United States fully realized that as they contemplated engaging in conflict in Afghanistan. While few will debate that the war in that country was necessary, and 
that the United States certainly had the firepower advantage, any optimism that the war began with has been destroyed by almost a decade of conflict and bloodshed. Adding to those military woes is the continuing political turmoil in the country which has started to reach a head following debates between the governments of the two countries.
At issue is the growing divide between the Obama government and the renewed confidence of Afghan President Hamid Karzai who in recent weeks has started to take the destiny of his country onto his shoulders. While such action should be welcomed in a country that continues to endure turmoil and serious threats from an insurgent force, it is Karzai’s slightly irregular behaviour, such as stating his desire to join the Taliban, that has run very much afoul of the Obama administration, particularly as U.S. soldiers continue to die in that country. Now however the government has tabled a possible new plan that could forever end the troubles in Afghanistan, nuking the entire site from orbit.
“It’s obviously top, top secret, even though we are talking about it here but it is a serious consideration by more than just the military hawks in the country. I’m not sure exactly who came up with the idea but apparently it came from a late night viewing of ‘Aliens’ on AMC where they realize the best solution is to just take out the entire site,” said a Pentagon insider. “Obviously it didn’t work out in the movie but in the real world we are not bound by the conventions of plot and bringing things to a satisfying conclusion. We have the ability to blow the hell out of that country, to just make it a giant crater, and it is a serious consideration at this point.”
While nuclear weapons are the most powerful weapons yet created, it’s believed that the level of weaponry required to actual make the country a crater would render the entire planet uninhabitable and kill every living thing, making that an unlikely scenario.
“Afghanistan has been called the Graveyard of Empires and that has proven largely
true. From Alexander the Great to Genghis Khan to the Soviets, Afghanistan has defeated some of the greatest armies ever assembled. Until now however no one has ever had the firepower to truly deal with the country, which we do now with nukes,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “Like many wars in the modern era all that could have realistically expected was a kind of truce, reducing the Taliban to a regional threat. A true win was never in the cards but now the United States is mired in the country with their pride and reputation on the line, which makes winning all the more important.”
In the movie ‘Aliens’ American Marines are placed on an isolated planet infested with malevolent aliens which they then decide to nuke, though their plans ultimately fail.
“In the movie you had this lone detachment of Marines isolated in the middle of space, 
but here you have the top military in the world with all kinds of backup and a bunch of nukes at the ready. It would be very easy to just do away with the whole country and redeem all those militaries and soldiers that bled out on the sands of Afghanistan,” continued Hander. “The real question would be what to do with the region once the Afghans are out. Obviously you would have to wait decades before the radiation abated, but that would give you plenty of time to plan. I would hope for a lot of green space and perhaps a theme park or two. I’m sure the Khyber Pass would be great for a rollercoaster or two.”
Should the country be reduced to a massive crater it’s likely that it would eventually fill with water creating a killer wading pool.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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