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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > KIM JONG-UN GIVEN PRESIDENTIAL HAIR DRYER
KIM JONG-UN GIVEN PRESIDENTIAL HAIR DRYER
September 28 2010
Seoul, South Korea – There are few countries in the history of the world that have remained as secretive and elusive as North Korea. For almost half a century the nation has become more and more isolated from the rest of the world while at the same time
becoming one of the biggest political and financial players on the globe. The reality of North Korea is that their actions, or at least their threats, dominate the politics of northern Asia and through there the politics of the majority of the world.
At the heart of that mystery and power is the Kim family who through two generations have ruled the nation with an iron fist and an eccentric flare. That legacy was thought to be in doubt in recent years with the apparent decline in health of current leader, the notorious Kim Jong-il, with no apparent successor in place. Now though it appears that the heir apparent has been chosen in the form of youngest son Kim Jong-un who was recently promoted to four-star General. Now comes word that the younger Kim has also been granted further powers in anticipation of his ascendance to Supreme Leader of the nation including in depth political training and has even been granted access to his father’s renowned hair dryer, making the elder’s bouffant hairstyle a new leadership standard.
“It was a major step when he was promoted to General but there have been more things going on behind the scenes that people just aren’t privy to. The biggest thing is the access to the hairstylists that have been serving the Kim family for decade, something that indicates that the transition may be coming sooner than anyone expected,” said a North Korean insider. “He has not been granted access to his father’s golf clubs which has allowed him to sink so many hole-in-ones but that will be coming soon. We do not know the health of our Dear Leader but it is clear he is preparing for the change whenever that sad and glorious day might come.”
It’s believed that the elder Kim has suffered at least one major stroke in recent years.
“Jong-un has proven himself in many ways and it is clear that he must be the next leader of our nation. We do not know his hobbies or his politics but the Dear Leader would not make a mistake, he could not make such a mistake so it is clear that this is the way things must be,” continued the insider. “While we mourn the day we lose the Supreme Leader of the great nation it is also a great celebration for our people as gain a new leader. Jong-un is the only leader that North Korea could ever have, and the one we deserve because North Korea is best Korea. This is glorious news for the Korean people and for all the people of the world.”
Little is known about Jong-un and only one confirmed photograph has ever been seen, taken when he was eleven.
“In North Korea everything, everything, is a crapshoot. We have no idea what Jong-un is going to be like and he will be in charge of a very formidable and nuclear-powered nation. With Jong-il it has been clear that much of his talk is simply that, but with this new player in the market we simply don’t know and that is a bad position to be in,” said Scrape TV North Korean analyst Lee Joo-Chan. “What if, for example, he is a Lakers fan instead of a Bulls fan? That would be a major shift in the political dynamic of the region and potentially destabilize the entire region. There are so many unknowns here that it really is treacherous territory.”
The younger Kim is, like his father, believed to be an internet expert.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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