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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > NORTH KOREA DEMANDS 100 TRILLION DOLLARS
NORTH KOREA DEMANDS 100 TRILLION DOLLARS
June 27 2010
Pyongyang, North Korea – In the 1950’s the idea that Communism was spreading uncontrollably throughout the world was a defining principle of U.S. policy. It informed that way the country behaved with other nations and even affected the way they 
treated their own citizens. That paranoia over the threat of communism came to a head a number of times leading to wars and even a near nuclear apocalypse. While such actions now seem foreign and almost quaint to the majority of people today, the threat of the red menace fundamentally changed the world forever.
That such a thing would happen was clear from the first major conflict of the Cold War, the Korean War. Seen by the Americans as the forefront of the spread of Communism, seen by the Russians as a tool of belligerence and objection to American expansion, and seen by the Koreans as a civil war the conflict in that region split a nation and created a major threat that exists to this day. With one of the world’s largest militaries, an isolated and apparently paranoid leadership, and nuclear weapons, North Korea has become one of the most destabilizing forces in the world. Now the nation has further aggravated the world by demanding a compensation package from the United States, which has held embargo on the nation for decades, a package which would account for more money than the entire world has at the ready.
“The damage that has been done to our country is incalculable and thus the total amount owed to the Korean people is also incalculable. This fee of 65 trillion dollars will pay for the years of aggression by the United States against the state which has left millions dead and missing,” said a very nervous looking North Korean spokesperson. “Much of these funds will also go towards compensating for losses in regards to failed construction projects and other initiatives that have been lost as a result of the embargos placed on our nation by these foreign aggressors. We will also be assessing future actions and billing accordingly.”
The spokesperson did not specify how they would like the funds transferred but because of serious internet restrictions tools such as PayPal would be unlikely.
“It’s an interesting notion to compensate an enemy for damages done and it has been done before though to middling results. The reparation payments placed on Germany after World War I led directly to the social decay that allowed Hitler to rise to power which is why such plans were abandoned after the Second World War. It would be dangerous to have such a situation occur in the United States considering their military prowess,” said Scrape TV Historical analyst Lars Luger. “Of course it’s probably a moot point because it’s very unlikely that the United States will pay anything never mind this incredibly high sum which accounts for more money than is currently in existence. I mean I guess they could print more but that would kind of invalidate the whole process.”
There are no clear numbers on how much money is currently in the world but best estimates peg it as under $50 trillion USD.
“Asking the world for a ridiculous sum of money while holding them hostage is really nothing different for madmen in movies it’s very rare in the real world. In fact I can’t remember a time when it’s actually happened outside of a James Bond or Austin Powers movie. I guess it makes sense in that context that they are asking for such a large sum, I mean go big or go home,” continued Luger. “I mean there’s little doubt that Kim Jong-il spends a lot of time watching movies and that they have informed his political and social policy but this might be one initiative that simply can’t be achieved, unless he asks for monopoly dollars. That might be achievable and they would be just as valid inside the country.”
Rumours that Mike Meyers recently made a trip to country remain at this time unconfirmed.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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