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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > SOUTH AFRICAN NUCLEAR DEVICE STILL DOESN’T SELL AT 200 BUCKS
SOUTH AFRICAN NUCLEAR DEVICE STILL DOESN’T SELL AT 200 BUCKS
July 13 2010
Pretoria, South Africa – For decades South Africa was one of the biggest pariahs in the world. Today nations such as Iran and North Korea have taken over as the whipping boy of the planet but for a very long time South Africa was top of that list.
Unlike their modern day counterparts, South Africa’s reviled status had nothing to do with any kind of threat they posed to the outside world but rather as a result of their internal policies in regards to race and human rights, despite similar issues having affected the nay saying countries.
All of that changed on February 11 1990 when Nelson Mandela, who had been imprisoned for 27 years for his activism against apartheid, was released and the era of racial segregation effectively ended. A few years later, as President of the country, Mandela began to forge new relations between the racially divided groups in his country and bringing the nation to an all new international 
respectability. In those early days there were high hopes that the isolated nation would join the ranks of the great countries of the world, and Mandela’s actions certainly pushed it into that direction, but years of segregation had created incredible poverty and crime throughout the nation, crippling growth and recessing the nation. Even today with a successful World Cup in their past, the nation struggles which became quickly apparent when 4 men were arrested after being unable to find buyers for nuclear weapons, perhaps the most sought after commodity in the world.
“Four men were arrested on Saturday after they attempted to sell nuclear materials to undercover officers. The device they had in their possession was an industrial nuclear device but the nature of it and where it came from is something we are still investigating,” said a police spokesperson. “The asking price had been six million U.S. dollars but that was negotiated downwards when they realized that such dollars were simply too much to ask. I believe the final asking price was about two hundred dollars and a ride back into the city at which time the men were arrested.”
All four men were from the Pretoria area.
“There are a few items in the world that really shouldn’t have trouble finding a buyer 
and nuclear weapons are chief amongst them. Whether it is rogue nations like Iran or terrorist organizations there really isn’t a shortage of buyers for such devices yet somehow they ended up running into police officers who talked them down to a ridiculously low fee. I guess if these are the kinds of people who end up getting the bomb we will all be safe,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “South Africa gave up nuclear weapons many years ago and there is no indication that they have any interest in pursuing them again so trying to make a sale to government officers was really a dumb move. I mean cops don’t get paid nearly enough to buy the bomb, not in South Africa at least.”
Even at two hundred dollars, it’s believed unlikely that the officers would have been able to afford the device.
“Frankly, Iran would have given them ten times their original asking price but being that people in the country have very little experience with money in recent years it makes sense that they would negotiate so poorly,” continued Hander. “At least now the people who might be interested in purchasing such devices know where to go. Apparently even idiots are able to get their hands on these things so for sophisticated organizations it should be a simple thing to get the bomb, and pretty cheaply too.”
Early reports indicate that the device became available after guards were distracted by Vuvuzela noise.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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