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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > STUDY FINDS CANADIANS MOSTLY MADE OF PLASTIC
STUDY FINDS CANADIANS MOSTLY MADE OF PLASTIC
August 19 2010
Ottawa, Canada – Canada has never been a major player on the world stage. The people of the nation have made valuable and even important contributions to the world. Things like the UN peacekeeping force, standard time, Hockey, and Celine Dion
have contributed world culture but the country has nonetheless remained a quaint and quiet little nation. Replete in natural beauty and populated by friendly and genial people, but not the kind of country that has had a major impact on the world stage no matter how well liked or even loved the Maple Leaf has become.
Because of that many would not think of Canada being the epicentre of a new stage of human evolution but that appears to be the case. A new study by Statistics Canada has shown that upwards of 91 percent of the population are embedded with a raft of chemicals and compounds, including mercury and BPA, the chemical used in polycarbonate plastic and epoxy resins. While early studies indicate that such intoxications might be the result of ingestion of products exposed to such chemicals, such as canned foods and bottled water, others are sceptical and starting to study the possibility that some major genetic change is occurring in the friendly northern country that could have dramatic, and potentially devastating, consequences for the rest of humanity.
“BPA, or Bisphenol A, is chemical compound that has been linked to developmental and reproductive problems and is present in the vast majority of the population. The samples study used 5600 people aged 6 to 79 and both BPA and mercury were found in the urine of 91 percent, though not at levels that would cause serious health issues,” reported Statistics Canada. “The primary concern is the impact on foetuses, infants, and young children where it can cause serious issues such as cancer and diabetes. Overall the actual intoxication levels are low. The primary cause of mercury levels is likely a result of the consumption of fish and likely unrelated to the levels of BPA.”
The government study made no mention of the possibility of a new evolutionary step.
“It’s a very interesting development and it may be related to the products used to
contain food which is why it has been banned in many places. However to see this 
level of intoxication is something pretty spectacular. Rarely do we see a contained population uniformly affected by any kind of foreign body at this level which gives one pause,” said Scrape TV Medical analyst Dr. Phillip Waites. “It is also strange because of the geography of the country. The country has a small population spread out over a wide range with really only three major population centres. Generally we would see this type of intoxication affect people by geographical region not by political boundaries but there have been no equivalent reports in the United States which makes one believe that something else might be going on in the country.”
No regular Canadians reported being molested by government agents, at least while awake.
“Canada is also a country of diverse ethnicity with a great deal of fresh immigration which makes the situation even stranger. That would lead one to believe that it is something common they are consuming but it could also mean that evolution has chosen to make Canadians into something else,” continued Waites. “The obvious guess would be that they are gradually turning into some kind of plastic entity but it could be that only certain parts of the body are being plasticized, perhaps for long term preservation, perhaps to protect against damage. Whatever the case it’s clear something funny is happening up north and we either need to study it or put a stop to it immediately.”
Fellow northern nation Norway has reported similar BPA intoxication though not at the same levels as Canada.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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