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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > THE MOST ISOLATED MAN IN THE WORLD ‘KIND OF A JERK’
THE MOST ISOLATED MAN IN THE WORLD ‘KIND OF A JERK’
August 22 2010
Brasilia, Brazil – The Earth is full of mysteries both natural and unnatural. Strange lights in the sky, un- catalogued mega fauna, and secret government organizations capture people’s imaginations and drive intrigue. There are some mysteries however
that a far more sublime, far less sexy than such situations and some revolve around human beings themselves. Our early ventures from the savannahs of Africa were undocumented and completely disorganized and while the bulk of human beings eventually congregated in large tribes, a few remained isolated and are still today outside of the wider human experience.
It’s likely that those tribes will never fully integrate into the human world at large. With so many humans beings already suffering under the yoke of isolation and segregation there will likely be no concerted effort to bring those people into the wider world. Aside from anthropological curiosity these people will likely be simply left alone until the last members eventually die off, leaving them to the annals of history. Such a fate will likely be the case for man living in a small hut deep in the Amazonian rainforest who is widely considered to be the most isolated man on the planet but according to people have met him though that fate is largely of his own doing largely because the guy is a bit of a jerk.
“He lives in this little hut and survives off the animals and plants in the surrounding area. He was first discovered in 1996 by a group of loggers who heard these stories of a wild man living in the jungle. Since that time we have studied his case extensively,” said a Brazilian government official. “We have had to conduct these studies from afar. He is very difficult to get near and the few times we have been able to get close the situation has turned ugly. At first we believed that this was a result of his isolation but we now believe that he is simply a jerk and an unpleasant person.”
It’s believed that the man was a part of an Indian tribe which was largely lost due to confrontation with modern technology and settlers in the region.
“We have found the remains of other huts in the region and it’s believed that at some point he was a part of a larger tribe that has for one reason or another simply died off. It could be the loss of their hunting grounds or it could be unreported murders but either way they appear to be gone,” continued the spokesperson. “We will do what we can to preserve this man’s isolation, not only for his sake but also for the benefit of everyone else. Simply put, we do not want him mingling with the rest of Brazilian society. He is rude, aggressive, and most importantly violent. We have enough of those people in our cities and we do not need to add one more.”
There is apparently no truth to the rumour that the man had previously worked as an investment banker and went into hiding after a string of failed investments. That case was resolved in the late 1990’s.
“Given our push into what little remains of the wild world it’s very unlikely that these types of cases will continue to arise. This is truly a wild man and a totally interesting situation where we can study a human being who has been largely unaffected by technology. It’s a look back into a world our ancestors inhabited thousands of years ago,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “It’s really a shame he’s not more cooperative. I suppose some of that could be fear but whatever the reason he is still a jerk and that makes studying him very difficult if not impossible. Oh well, some people are just jerks I guess.”
The man, who has no known name, could not be contacted for this article.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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