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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > WORLD PREPARES AID PACKAGE AS EARTHQUAKE SHAKES CANADA
WORLD PREPARES AID PACKAGE AS EARTHQUAKE SHAKES CANADA
June 23 2010
Ottawa, Canada –At approximately 1:45 EST Wednesday a 5.0 earthquake hit parts of Canada and the eastern seaboard of the U.S. Originating in the nation’s capital, Ottawa, the quake was felt as far away as Montreal, Toronto, Boston, Cleveland, and 
Chicago. Early reports indicate no injuries or major damage in the country but nations across the world are already pledging support and aid as needed. The country will be home to the G-8 and G-20 conferences later this week which will likely play a role in any recovery efforts.
Reports of shaking buildings and upset coffees have been coming in from all across the region in an area that experiences such incidents very rarely. In fact, the last notable quake in the region occurred in 1992. Early reports that the quake was a result of Quebec finally breaking away from the rest of the country appear erroneous as the province is still attached to her adjoining provinces. Jokes about the impending summits and the quake coming from the seat of government in the country are expected to take hold throughout the country with the province of Alberta, the home of Canadian PM Stephen Harper, expected to enjoy the biggest laughs. The United States, Mexico, the U.K. and Haiti, a country all too familiar with quakes have all pledged their support should the Canadian government make a formal request.
“I was sitting in the office and I thought somebody was shaking my chair. I turned around and saw everything shaking and shivering and I realized that this just wasn’t right. At first I thought it was this really fat co-worker but he wasn’t in today and then I realized that it was likely an Earthquake,” said Mike from Ottawa. “The other thing I thought was that it was those graboid thingies from that Tremors movie. That got me even more excited because I thought maybe Kevin Bacon would be coming to save us but it turned out it was just a quake. That was really disappointing because I have really enjoyed his movies throughout his career.”
Kevin Bacon was apparently not in the area and may be dead or taken prisoner by Filipino pirates or something.
“I have to say that early in his career his work was really good. I mean everything after ‘Footloose’ up through probably ‘The Woodsman’ but his career really has never taken off. It’s a shame, when you saw him in ‘JFK’ you 
thought you know this guy is a movie star, that was such a powerful performance but now who knows,” said Scrape TV Disaster analyst Walter Lim. “Anyway back to the issue at hand. It’s kind of funny that the epicentre was at the nation’s capital, especially with the G-8 conference this week. Wonder if this is some kind of omen. It sounds like everyone is okay so that’s good at least but this is a country that is very much not used to dealing with quakes and so they might be a little underequipped to deal with the situation.”
Reports from the town of Bellevile, about halfway between Ottawa and Toronto, indicate that a local man was successfully extracted from a pile of pizza boxes that fell on him during the quake.
“Luckily after the number of quakes we’ve had this year the world is very much 
prepared to deal with these situations. Gear and personnel are at the ready and able to move to even far flung locations within hours. If nothing else all of those hundreds of thousands of dead Haitians might have done something great for other people, which I guess is fair play considering how much they’ve received in the past,” continued Lim. “Luckily Canada is one of the wealthiest nations on the planet and they will be able to incur much of the costs associated with any quake damage but they are still limited by experience. Hopefully they will ask if they need the help instead of just trying to do things by themselves.”
Quebec officials denied having anything to do with the quake.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > WORLD PREPARES AID PACKAGE AS EARTHQUAKE SHAKES CANADA
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