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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > BULL SHARKS STALKING AUSTRALIAN STREETS
BULL SHARKS STALKING AUSTRALIAN STREETS
January 24 2011
Goodna, Australia – There are few places in the world as dangerous, naturally dangerous, as Australia. Prone to natural disasters such as floods and heat waves, as well as housing many of the world’s most dangerous animals such as venomous 
snakes and poisonous spider, Australia is perhaps the most deadly of all first world nations. The land itself is rugged and unforgiving and was, and likely only could have been, carved out by some of the worst criminals in the world. Despite its natural beauty, the land down under is no paradise.
That is no more evident than it is in the ongoing flooding taking up huge swaths of the country. With millions of people either under water or displaced as a result of the flooding, the country is undergoing one of its worst disaster seasons in history. Now, with much of the western part of the country still submerged, the people of Australia are being forced to deal with a new menace, a danger so perilous that it could potentially undo the country forever and, if it were to spread, could damn all of human civilization. The danger, coming as it often does from the most unexpected of places, small town Goodna, is a family of bull sharks which have begun stalking the streets of the town, menacing citizens and setting the stage for a massive battle between man and fish.
“Bull sharks have been in Goodna for a long time in the Bremer. They are regularly in the Brisbane River and often swim up. I know a number of fishermen who have caught bull sharks. I know Steve and he wouldn’t say he saw a shark unless he really saw one. Steve wouldn’t lie about something like that. He’s very well known in the community,” said Town Councillor Paul Tully of the recent shark sightings. “It would have swam several kilometres in from the river, across Evan Marginson Park and the motorway. It’s definitely a first for Goodna, to have a shark in the main street.”
Indeed, there have been no sightings of sharks on land in the history of the small suburb of Brisbane which is home to 8000 people.
“It’s quite thing really, I mean no one expects to be using the barbie and all of a sudden a giant bull shark swims by. I can tell you, I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never seen a shark on the streets. Not a bull shark, not even a guppy. It just doesn’t happen regularly like,” continued Tully. “We don’t know where the sharks went, Steve couldn’t keep an eye on them, but it doesn’t sound like good news. We don’t want a school of these monsters roaming our streets. Goodna is a quiet town, a nice town and we don’t need this kind of trouble. Send them to Brisbane or Sydney, Goodna doesn’t need their kind. I can tell you though, if we do find them we’ll deal with them. Crikey, it almost seems like a nightmare expect I’m not asleep.”
There have been no further sightings of the bull sharks but experts are worried that the new land living ability of the fish could spell doom for all of humanity.
“For a long time we have been the dominant force on the planet but that could very well
come to an end here. Obviously there are more people than sharks in the world, and we
have a lot of guns and all they have is teeth, but if they are able to easily transition between land and sea, well we could be in for a mess of a time. They could easily escape our counterattacks and be able to launch assaults virtually anywhere,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “There may be no solution to this mess unfortunately. However I think we may able to postpone it, perhaps even scare them off for a little while, by isolating Australia entirely. Cutting it off from the rest of the world and allowing the sharks to show their cards. Then we will be in a far better position to dictate terms. I knew this would happen one day.”
Prime Minister Julia Gillard was too drunk for comment.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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