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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > IRELAND PURSUES BAILOUT FUNDS IN LIQUID FORM
IRELAND PURSUES BAILOUT FUNDS IN LIQUID FORM
November 22 2010
Dublin, Ireland – The image of Ireland is quite a compelling one. Dreams of rolling green hills, cute accents, four leaf clovers, and leprechauns dancing through the streets is something many people assign when the word enters their mind. Of course, 
life in the country isn’t like that. The country of Ireland is much like any other in that region of the world, and the people of that nation are like people throughout the rest of the world, enjoying the same highs and enduring the same pressures.
In recent years much of those pressures have been, just as they have throughout the world, been economic. The floundering global economy has meant hard times for people all over the planet, but in certain nations those issues have been downright destructive. In Ireland that is very much the case as they became the second nation in the world to accept international bailout funds in order to keep their economy fluid. Though bailouts have become quite common throughout recent times, many people have violently objected to what is widely seen as charity. Anger in the United States and rioting in Greece have all shown the displeasure with such activities, but in the case of Ireland the bailout has been a call for celebration, in the typical Irish way.
“It has become clear that, put very simply, we need assistance in paying our bills. This was certainly something that we had hoped to avoid but we are now at the stage where the economic realities in the country are such that we require assistance in order to solidify our economics and our standing in the global community,” said an Irish spokesperson. “We will not comment on the amount of money required, nor any deal we make for repayment but we are actively seeking funds from the European Union and the International Monetary Fund at this time. We feel that this is the best way in which we can secure the well being of the economy of the country.”
The country is currently running a deficit of €19 billion, one of the highest in the EU.
“We are in the application process at this stage and there are many details to be worked out, but we feel confident that at the end of the day we will be able to secure a financial situation which will benefit the people of Ireland and not be too burdensome to our partners,” continued the spokesperson. “We will of course be making an allocation for essential Irish industries and to allay any fears that does include Guinness. There is little that is more Irish than Guinness and that is something that we insist must stay as a part of the fabric of our society. We will ensure that every man, woman, and child has access to Guinness at every corner of their lives just as they always have. That will never change.”
Aside from Guinness, it’s believed the money will also be used to help prop up the floundering leprechaun and four-leaf clover trinket industries.
“Unfortunately it is very likely that Ireland will not be the last country in the EU that will
require this kind of help. Portugal and Spain have also been undergoing serious challenges and it is likely that they will be looking at bailouts in the very near future, though they will likely have more difficulty in acquiring the funds. No one can resist that Irish accent,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “I have to say though that there is going to have to be some level of accountability in the country. We are talking about a potential bailout of tens of billions of dollars and a lot of that may end up going down in liquid form, and that is very much not the intent. I’m sure some of that will be worked into the deal but there is only so much money to go around and if the Irish drink it all up, well that’s going to anger some other people. Of course they probably won’t even notice.”
Greek officials have noted a sharp spike in Tzatziki consumption since their bailout but no official connection has been found.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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