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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > IRISH NAVY VICTORIOUS AGAINST POD OF PILOT WHALES
IRISH NAVY VICTORIOUS AGAINST POD OF PILOT WHALES
November 13 2010
Donegal, Republic of Ireland – In mankind’s quest for domination of the planet many species have unfortunately suffered ignominious fates. Whether it is famous examples such as the Woolly Mammoth and the Dodo bird or species that have died in
isolation in massive forest clearings or dying sea coral, man’s rise to power has meant the end for a great number of species, something that is only likely to continue as we spread further and further outwards and demand more and more of the Earth and her resources.
Countries large and small have contributed to that death and demise that has occurred throughout the world, the latest of which has happened just off the coast of Ireland. It was there that a mysterious group of 35 whales were found laying dead and dying on beach by a ferry operator. While at first believed to be a result of a traditional whale beaching, Irish officials have come out and laid claim to the massive kill, claiming it as the end result of a massive military operation against 
the aquatic mammals that had begun months previous. While it’s not yet clear what the military advantage was to the killing of the whales, nor is it clear when and where Ireland got a Navy, early indications are of a complete and total victory.
“Pilot whales are very sociable creatures but they spent most of their time in deeper waters. A number of experts suspect one of the reasons for beachings like this is that the whales’ sonar is interfered by naval activity such as submarines,” said a spokesperson for the Irish navy. “We realized that this could be turned to our advantage very quickly and provided us with a very neat and quick resolution to this conflict. The whales simply killed themselves which is really unprecedented in the history of warfare no matter the country. This is without a doubt the proudest moment in the history of the Irish navy.”
Which experts believe is not hard to achieve.
“There can be little doubt that this was swift and decisive military victory, though the 
outcome was probably always going to be a lock. I mean even if it is the Irish navy they likely still have a few weapons at their disposal, like stones and spears and things, which is more than the whales would have. I mean they don’t even have hands so it would be ridiculous to think that they could use weapons even if they had access to them,” said Scrape TV Military analyst Michael Kent. “That said, this was still a clever technique, one that few would have believed was in the repertoire of the Irish. I’m sure this is a technique that could easily be used against whale pods all over the world should they start to present a problem for other nations. Either that or they could just blow them up but that would be a little messy.”
The Irish navy has a limited number of bullets and most of their explosives are designed for use in buildings and mail boxes.
“The question now is what do they do with the remains. I mean they could leave them to rot, bury them, or they could leave them out for other whales to find. I mean if the goal is to prevent further incursions into Irish waters then it may be easiest to just leave them out there as an example. They’ve proven their will and ability to destroy the enemy, that’s perhaps enough,” continued Kent. “Of course as smart as whales are they may not see this as an example. It could in fact anger them and cause them to bring their friends to the waters and that could get very ugly very quickly, particularly with the half dozen ships the navy has. They will be dramatically outnumbered, the Irish will be.”
The military effort was apparently nicknamed project Lucky Charm.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
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