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NEWS > HEALTH > MILLIONS OF RELATIONSHIPS NOW IN PERIL AS ZODIAC SIGNS MAKE A SHIFT
MILLIONS OF RELATIONSHIPS NOW IN PERIL AS ZODIAC SIGNS MAKE A SHIFT
January 16 2011
Washington, D.C. – For longer than humanity has been civilized we have engaged in a dance between the sexes. Whether it was in competition for breeding partners on the African savannah, the buying and trading of females through the slave trade, the 
rise of romantic poetry, or the modern era of web dating services men and women have been engaged in an never ending dance for love, partnership, and possibly happiness that has defined the course of history.
For centuries one of the many tools that men and women have used to try and find the perfect mate is the study of astrological signs, the arrangement of the stars that impact our day-to-day lives. While practically speaking such pursuits have been largely unsuccessful, the hope and wish of meeting someone with the right sign has persisted and become one of the standards of the dati8ng scene. However that long held standard has now been shifted on its axis along with the planet, adding a new astrological sign to the mix, pushing all the others around, and potentially damning millions of relationships to the ether. While new astrological set up is still in flux, the shift of millions of signs has already left many wondering if they were with the wrong person all along.
“Astronomers have known about this since 130 BC. Hipparchus was able to determine that this would happen. It astounds me that this has taken off the way it has in the last day or two. In ancient days there were, like, 50 constellations. Then they finally got together and agreed on 18. Then they narrowed it down,” said one Astrology expert. “Essentially, the tilt Earth’s axis has gradually changed over time and that affects the signs, the signs then affect earthly concerns and on and on we go. This change is something we have known about for a very long time and will be very impactful on our earthly concerns."
The tilt will result in the addition of a new sign, Ophiuchus, to the late fall period which pushes all other signs back by a few weeks.
“The real challenge is going to be with people who now fall into the new sign. Others 
will be able to adjust a little more readily, though it will cause some chaos, but there is a point of reference, an area for communication amongst those people. For those with the new sign this is totally uncharted territory,” said Scrape TV Family Values analyst Marge Hendricks. “Those people are going to have the biggest challenge going forward. Many people have built relationships and even families based on this assumption that the signs are interconnected but now with this shift they will have to realize that their relationships have been a sham. At least with the older signs there is a point of reference, for people with this new one they will be totally lost.”
Thus far, there have been no reports of increased divorce filings.
“I mean many people will choose to stay together even in the wake of this change, but many of those people will be very unhappy. Of course that would pale in comparison to the hurt that would be caused by millions of divorces and broken families, it really is a mess this whole thing,” continued Hendricks. “Of course with the declining divorce rates across the western world it could very well be that this sudden surge in interest is a result of divorce lawyers trying to drum up new business. This has been on the books for a couple thousand years and all of a sudden it becomes a big deal? Suspicious to say the least. Hopefully people won’t react too badly, hopefully the planet stays a little more stable going forward.”
The earth’s axis will continue to change gradually but will have altered dramatically in about 1.5 billion years.
Lauren Hebert, Health Correspondent
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