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NEWS > HEALTH > WORLD’S LARGEST SPERM BANK DECIDES TO END GINGER NIGHTMARE FOREVER
WORLD’S LARGEST SPERM BANK DECIDES TO END GINGER NIGHTMARE FOREVER
September 19 2011
Copenhagen, Denmark – Procreation is the elemental part of human existence. It is the core aspect of life in general but as sophisticated as humans have become, as many things as we have created, that fundamental part of our existence has not changed. We are here to breed and pass our genes onto the next generation.
Some genes, though, are more desirable than others. That is something few people would like to admit, raising the ghost of things like Nazi eugenics programs, but it is the truth. People have their passions, and according the world’s largest sperm donation clinic, that passion does not include redheads.
Cryos, a company that owns sperm banks across the world, has decided to stop accepting donations from redheads, citing low demand. The company will immediately stop accepting donations from gingers, effectively eliminating them from one major part of the gene pool and possibly dooming them to extinction in the very near future.
“We have very low demand for redhead sperm. Often couples want a baby who will match one or the other partner and that is rarely redheads. This is just the facts and we have no option but to eliminate this particular client from donation,” said a spokesperson for Cryos. “Unfortunately we do have quite a lot of excess material at the moment. We find it is very difficult for redheaded people to breed in the wild and 
that results in us having large quantities which are very difficult to unload. Effective immediately we will no longer accept donation from people with red hair.”
Cryos did note that demand for redheads did remain relatively high in Ireland, but that the supply simply overwhelmed the demand.
“It’s pretty clear that redheads are on their way out. It was always going to happen, but this will only expedite the process. It’s likely that the reason they have so much supply is because gingers have a lot of trouble breeding in the wild and that this is their last chance, a chance which now has evaporated,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “This will certainly expedite the demise of the ginger, bad for them but good for the rest of society. Red hair is a mutation and the sooner it is weeded out of the population the
better for us as a whole. Remember for those who do like redheads we still have hair dye so you don’t need the mutant genes.”
Cryos has supplies sperm to 65 different countries.
“Eventually natural redheads will be a thing of the past, perhaps something only seen in museums and that is probably a good thing for everyone. No one really likes a ginger, as much as they would protest that. People generally don’t like to admit prejudice no matter how powerful it is,” continued Phelps. “It’s sad that these people will not have an outlet, somewhat, but it’s good for everyone in the end. Heck, it’s not really all that sad. We all know that gingers don’t have the same kinds of feelings as regular people.”
Reports of sex assaults by redheads is expected to increase with the news.
Lauren Hebert, Health Correspondent
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