U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS >POLITICS > BILL CLINTON FINDS NUCLEAR CODES IN OLD JACKET
BILL CLINTON FINDS NUCLEAR CODES IN OLD JACKET
October 22 2010
Chappaqua, NY – When the atom was first split by Ernest Walton and John Cockroft there was no possibility of understanding much of an impact it would have on the history of the world. Since those heady days of scientific exploration the world has 
gone on an entirely different historical path than it would have had that little explosion not occurred. With nuclear technology now omnipresent in everything from lighting homes to saving lives, the splitting of atom has had one of the most dramatic impacts on human life of any development.
However the technology is still a very dangerous one. The material created from nuclear fission is of course quite toxic and because of its ability to be weaponized, nuclear material has to be a very carefully guarded secret, reserved only for the most secure facilities and high level government officials. Nonetheless, mistakes do happen. Various incidents, some dramatic such as Chernobyl, some muted such as various ‘Broken Arrow’ incidents, have proven time and time again that the nuclear genie is very much out of the bottle. Safeguards are in place though and even in largely irresponsible countries, nuclear technology is safely guarded, sometimes too well guarded as it turns out in the case of the United States after former President Clinton recently discovered his nuclear codes in an old jacket he was about the throw away.
“This has happened before. It happens, it’s a little card and it’s easy to lose those things. President Clinton lost that thing so many times that we stopped keeping count. There was no real concern with this particular one because it was replaced right away but it is kind of funny to find it after all these years,” said a Clinton spokesperson. “It was this old jacket from at least 1998. The President hadn’t worn it in years and it was stuck way in the back of the closet. Aside from being horribly ugly, it was also way too big for him now. It was just going to go in the trash but on a whim he decided to check the pockets and there it was.”
Clinton also apparently found twenty cents, a handful of tic tacs, and a button from a long lost shirt.
“Obviously the codes were always on him and there was no real risk that they were going to get into the hands of a rival country or a terrorist. Besides, they would have to get an impersonator to actually deliver the codes. There are more security checks than just the codes,” continued the spokesperson. “This incident though has a highlighted an important for the President, something he would like everyone to realize. Always check your pockets, there may be something really important that you’ve left behind. He’s really happy it didn’t end up in the wash, that’s a real danger and something he wants other people to never have to worry about.”
The card, nicknamed ‘the biscuit’ contains personal ID codes which gives the President access to ‘the Football’ which contains code authenticators, a transceiver, targeting menus, and continuity of government options.
“This could have been a really big deal if he had, for example, dropped off the jacket at a dry cleaners and they gained access to the country’s nuclear codes. I mean they would have been largely useless because the guy carrying the Football is always with the President, but it still would have made things little awkward,” said Scrape TV Political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “If things had gone really badly they would have just gone to the next person on the list, which in that case would have been Al Gore who surely would have his card locked away in his metal interior or something so the country was always going to be safe. Now it’s just a nice memento of a great time in his life.”
Clinton also apparently found a McDonald’s cheeseburger wrapper in a pair of pants, again something long lost for the former President.
Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent
NEWS >POLITICS > BILL CLINTON FINDS NUCLEAR CODES IN OLD JACKET
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Politics/pages-3/Bill-Clinton-finds-nuclear-codes-in-old-jacket-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/9tK6nE |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
