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NEWS >POLITICS > OBAMA MAKES PLANS TO ATTACK SPACE
OBAMA MAKES PLANS TO ATTACK SPACE
July 2 2010
Washington, D.C. – There has been a great deal of criticism of Barack Obama in his short time as President. While most of that criticism has been political or racial in nature, some valid critiques have been lost in the mix. While he campaigned on a 
platform of change that was exactly what the people wanted and exactly what he tried to do, but inheriting a failing war and a failing economy put many of those plans in question. Obama though continued to push his complicated vision of change despite those other issues and ended up achieving on a small shift rather than the real change he had promised.
That desire to do everything and ultimately accomplishing nothing has been the major criticism of the President and the one, should it continue to hold true, that will likely make him a one term leader. He has been able to push through a version of health reform, and he has been able to move troops out of Iraq, but his ambitious appetite has left him with few tangible victories and those few he has had are lost in the miasma of promises and failed efforts at change. Now the President has taken on another lofty goal, declaring war on the millions of pieces of space junk revolving around our planet and taking his promise of change to the Heavens.
“Most administrations have attacked the problem by trying to prevent junk in the first place which is always the cheaper and easier tact to take but we are still burdened with an incredible volume of material already revolving around the planet and we need to do something about that in order to prevent new messes,” said a White House spokesperson. “The President’s order calls for research into tools that will clean up the area around our planet. Technologies like laser tractor beams and giant ray guns are already in development and we will further fund these programs as we seek a resolution to the debris attacking our free and open skies.”
Experts have pointed to a collision last year between two decaying satellites that released thousands of new particles as rationale for the cleanup.
“The truth is most space junk will eventually see a decayed orbit and burn up in the
atmosphere but that is in the long term. In the short term this debris poses a problem for functioning satellites and any spacecraft trying to reach outer space, whether manned or unmanned. Like a messy house, the junk is a serious health and safety hazard and it has to go,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “We have known about this issue for a long time but few governments have been willing to participate in a real clean up. They have done admirable jobs of preventing new junk from accumulating but they would rather just push the stuff that’s already out there into the closet and forget about it, luckily Obama is willing to be more proactive.”
Obama has reportedly become addicted to ‘Hoarders’ recently though that did not officials affect this funding initiative.
“The problem like anything is getting the money to affect a proper solution. We need to get out there to get rid of this trash and many of the technologies they are considering, like tractor beams, are largely theoretical. Of course Obama does dream big but he has to know that this isn’t ‘Star Trek’,” continued Poe. “Of course any action is good action and hopefully this will fare a little better than the rest of things he has going on. Hopefully the next President won’t have to inherent half-built laser beams and chunks of satellites coming down on people’s front yards.”
Top Republican officials reportedly are very fond of the space junk.
Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent
NEWS >POLITICS > OBAMA MAKES PLANS TO ATTACK SPACE
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