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NEWS >POLITICS > BILL TO REINTRODUCE DUELING IN WASHINGTON SPEARED IN CONGRESS
PROPOSAL TO REINTRODUCE DUELING IN WASHINGTON SPEARED IN CONGRESS
April 24 2010
Washington. D.C. – For centuries duelling was considered a gentleman’s way to resolve a quarrel. Whether over land, money, or women debates between members of the upper crust would often result in a trip to the courtyard and selection of weapons.
In today’s day and age such tactics would seem archaic and more than a little illegal resulting in most such debates being solved in courtrooms rather than with one person dead. For some people though, who crave the romance of a more dignified time, there is no better way to resolve disputes than with a little bloodshed.
Enter Kentucky which is one of the few states in the Union with laws allowing duelling still on the books, though perhaps not for long. The archaic provision is now on the table to be removed from the state constitution and come November voters of that state will decide whether or not to end hundreds of years of tradition. However, given the state of enmity currently afloat in the capital, a proposal to actually re-up the process in Washington has been making the rounds and gaining a lot of support. However congress has, as usual, stalled the provision meaning that the possibility of duels on the Potomac may never again come to pass.
“No one ever though that a proposal like this would gain any real headway but the 
truth is there is a ton of support on both sides for this. There are reasonable people on both sides of the political spectrum who have come to realize that this arguing is simply not going to get anyone anywhere and that we need more decisive action to bring things to a solid resolution,” said a congressional insider. “That is where the duelling thing came in. True there are a lot of people on the Hill who would like to see a return to the kind of civil behaviour that is so lacking today, but the majority of them just want to see things resolved in a much more expedient, which is understandably causing friction.”
There is also apparently much debate over the legality of such killings, no matter how civilized they might appear.
“Frankly having this come back into play would bring with it a whole host of nightmare scenarios. There are so many logistics that would have to worked out that a simple approval would be hard to pass. You think the health care bill was tough, this would make that debate look like a Dr. Seuss story,” said Scrape TV Political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “The biggest problem would of course be that you would end up with a whole bunch of dead lawmakers, necessitating more frequent elections which would ultimately slow everything down again. I don’t think you would have an issue with people being afraid of running for office, because everyone just has to be a bad ass, but the sluggish rate of the election process would undo any good this could create.”
According to the proposal, only traditional flint lock pistols and swords would be allowed in the duels.
“I’m sure that certain positions would be immune to actually duelling, There was a time when Presidents engaged in these types of things but the world is much different place now. The President is far more important than he was say two hundred years ago and you wouldn’t want him shot dead on the steps of the capitol,” continued Kinsey. “I can imagine that Republicans will benefit from this more than Democrats, particularly if they use primarily firearms. I don’t think there’s a single member of the Democratic Party who could be considered a crack shot.”
Nancy Pelosi reportedly is unable to hit the broad side of a barn, a revelation that some believe might help pass the legislation.
Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent
NEWS >POLITICS > BILL TO REINTRODUCE DUELING IN WASHINGTON SPEARED IN CONGRESS
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