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NEWS > SCIENCE > DEATH STAR RESPONSIBLE FOR MASS EXTINCTION ON EARTH
DEATH STAR RESPONSIBLE FOR MASS EXTINCTION ON EARTH
December 8 2009
Washington, D.C. – There are many questions about the history of our planet and the life that exists upon it that science has yet to answer. One of the biggest is what actually happened to the dinosaurs, the most successful species on the planet whose
death led to the rise of mammals and the dominance of human beings. Whatever the reason, the end of dinosaurs fundamentally changed the planet both because of their absence and because of the species that would soon take over.
Now scientists have a new theory as to what may have caused the massive devastation to the giant lizards and it comes from a totally unexpected source; George Lucas. In 1977 Lucas released the film that would forever change his life, the lives of millions of movie goers, and the core nature of the movie industry itself. The tale of Jedis, robots, and Wookies immediately became a huge box office hit and grab the imaginations of people the world over. Now scientists believe that the massive Death Star depicted in the film may actually have been responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs, a shocking revelation that may not only shed light on the nature of life on our planet, but raise serious questions as to whether George Lucas is in fact human.
“The question of how and why the dinosaurs went extinct has long been a puzzle but we feel that this new work sheds light on that event. We studied a number of sites on
the planet where it has long believed there was a collision and what we found were scorch marks indicative of a laser blast. Something of that size would have to have been done from orbit,” said lead researcher Doug Manning. “That leads us to believe that it was some kind of massive vessel attacking our planet, something akin to a Death Star. Yes we do realize that in the movie they destroyed entire planets but we believe that was simply artistic licence on the part of Lucas and that the actual event was a little more subdued but we are confident that such an event occurred and caused the eradication of the dinosaurs.”
The researchers have speculated that the rebellion destroyed the real-life Death Star before it was able to complete its destruction of the planet but that the damage was enough to raise a cloud of dust and debris, causing a nuclear winter.
“This is one of those theories that defies all sense of science and logic but is compelling nonetheless. Keep in mind that Copernicus’ theory that the Earth revolved around the sun was just as ridiculous in its time but that of course proved to be true,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “What’s really compelling here is what role Lucas plays in this. Over the next few days there are going to be hard questions put to him. Is he human? Is he being implanted with memories? Is a pawn of a resurgent Empire? It could be any of these things or something completely different but it’s clear that Lucas is not normal, not human and potentially dangerous.”
It has also been speculated that there could be clues to humanities future in Lucas’s films as well as its past, bringing tales such as ‘THX-1138’ and ‘Howard the Duck’ new attention.
“If Lucas is simply some kind of seer or if he is connected to the Earth’s memory than that’s one thing, but if his movies are even remotely accurate than the future of humanity is dark indeed. Of course they could be implanting those visions into his head in order to confuse the issue and sow confusion amongst us, making it easier to conquer the planet,” continued Poe. “It could also be that this theory is a load of bunk and that the people proposing it have some kind of mental disorder. Of course they could also be a part of the plan, something which could cause serious issues as we move forward into the future.”
Lucas, suspiciously, was unavailable for comment.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > DEATH STAR RESPONSIBLE FOR MASS EXTINCTION ON EARTH
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