U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS > SCIENCE > END OF HUMANITY NIGH WITH MASSIVE ASTEROID ON COLLISION COURSE WITH EARTH
END OF HUMANITY NIGH WITH MASSIVE ASTEROID ON COLLISION COURSE WITH EARTH
July 30 2010
Washington, D.C. – For almost as long as humanity has been organizing in societies as self aware beings we have been predicting our eventual demise. Apocalyptic visions of holy wrath, natural disasters, and devastating warfare have filled our common 
conscience for centuries. Of course, the Earth has suffered such events in the past and will again in the future but our stories often time are not warnings to prevent such catastrophes, they are celebrations of the end of life on the only planet we have ever called home.
As evidenced by the massive craters in our sibling solar body the moon, the universe is a rough place full of dangers that we have been fortunate to avoid for the last few million years. We may be lucky and avoid such cataclysmic collisions forever, but eventually the sun will begin to die, expand to twice its current size, and consume the planet. The fate of Earth is sealed, like us it is mortal, but humanity’s fate is totally different story. Now though it appears that our fate has been decided after scientists discovered a massive asteroid on a collision course with our planet that could obliterate all life as we know it, making panic and general social chaos the new norm for what little time we have left.
“We are looking at a likely collision, a one-in-a-thousand chance, sometime in the year 2182. Though such odds may seem high, in celestial terms it is more than a near miss. If the asteroid hits the keyhole it will impact the Earth causing tsunamis, massive earthquakes, and a nuclear winter that will wipe out all animal and plant life on the planet,” said Dr Michael Welt. “(101955) 1999 RQ36 is considered a minor planet by designation. It is approximately 560 metres in diameter which while not the largest body, is sufficiently large to cause widespread devastation particularly if it impacts on land. That would cause a huge plumb of debris and black out the entire planet.”
Various computer models have estimated impact at different times but the newest models suggest 2182, specifically April 12, as the day the Earth ends.
“Well, we knew this day was coming. I mean we’ve been looking for it and asking for it 
for a long time and now it is finally upon us so the news is kind of good and kind of bad, the best and worst of both worlds I guess,” said Scrape TV Apocalypse analyst Seth Morris. “We finally have what we have been asking for but it’s the end of the world. It’s still a while away and realistically none of us today are going to live long enough to see it happen, unless science invents some kind of eternal life which would seem a futile pursuit considering everything, but our descendents will be around to witness the flaming fireball blazing through the sky as it bears down upon us.”
Experts recommend forgoing regular jobs and allowing society to descend into an apocalyptic state so that death will be sweet relief for those who witness the apocalypse.
“Ideally society will completely collapse and we will be able to go back to basic tribal ways. The stresses of the world washed away, we will be able to have fun in our remaining days rather than worrying about making a buck or typical human dramas,” continued Morris. “Really it’s time to rejoice. Finally, humanity has been freed from the shackles of our own creations and able to live as we always should have, freely.”
Experts also recommend that people have a whole lot of sex with multiple partners for our few remaining years.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > END OF HUMANITY NIGH WITH MASSIVE ASTEROID ON COLLISION COURSE WITH EARTH
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Science/pages-3/End-of-humanity-nigh-with-massive-asteroid-on-collision-course-with-Earth-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/aOhqq4 |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
