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NEWS > SCIENCE > UNITED STATES BEGINS INVASION OF SPACE
UNITED STATES BEGINS INVASION OF SPACE
May 24 2010
Cape Canaveral, FL – Military conquest has always been a hallmark of great empires. The Babylonians, the Romans, the Mongols, and the British are all examples of nations that have through their history made military conquest and essential part of 
their political identity. In recent years that has changed dramatically. The empires of Germany and Russia had their advances halted early on and ultimately lasted only a few short years. China has spent decades trying to secure the rogue nation of Taiwan despite it being an ant under the foot of an elephant.
In light of that it is entirely possible that we may never again see a massive military force annexing swathes of land and that any future consolidation between nations will be achieved through diplomatic and economic means rather than under at the barely of a gun. Still, militaries exist and the need for blood lust, older than human society, continues to run through our cultural identity and the very fibre of our being. Because of that the warriors still need to release their hounds and the greatest empire the planet has ever seen, the United States, has apparently found a way to alleviate that tension. Despite international treaties and decades of mutual understanding the United States has begun its war on space.
"The X37B is just an updated version of the Space Shuttle activities. This vessel has 
no offensive capabilities. This program supports technology risk reduction, experimentation and operational concept development. This is about the future of space exploration and this vessel is just the first step in a bold new future for our exploration of the world beyond our own,” said undersecretary of the Airforce Gary E. Payton. “There has been a lot of talk about this being staging platform for some kind of weapons system but nothing could be further from the truth. This is exactly what it seems to be and there are no malevolent or aggressive designs to be had with this weapon, er, sorry vessel. This is exclusively for peaceful purposes.”
Some have speculated that the super secret vessel, which was launched last month with no fanfare or media coverage, could house spy satellites or possibly massive lasers that could destroy earthbound targets.
“The hard reality is war is simply not the same as it used to be. There are no more major conflicts to fight and so many militaries are stuck having to engage rednecks with rifles and so it makes sense that they have gotten a little antsy and started to seek more significant conflicts,” said Scrape TV Military analyst Michael Kent. “These are people who are built to fight and they are being put in a position where they have no one to fight with and that is inevitably going to create problems. Though there are no enemies in space, yet anyway, this at least gives them something to do and could set the stage for a whole different kind of global domination.”
The United States was the first nation to consider a space-based weapon system. Dubbed ‘Star Wars’ the controversial system has never been implemented.
“Realistically there are few places on earth left to conquer. All the land is gone and the oceans, at least the surface, are claimed so that really only leaves the deep ocean, which would be cool but impractical, or space. Empires need to conquer and that is what the United States is trying to do,” continued Kent. “I wouldn’t be surprised to see things like the moon come into the conflict but with this vessel the United States has the advantage and could knock out anyone who might challenge them, plus it gives them something to do in the meantime.”
China, with their limited space program, is reportedly considering launching a bunch of junk into orbit as protest.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > UNITED STATES BEGINS INVASION OF SPACE
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