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NEWS > SCIENCE > WORLD’S FIRST BIONIC TURTLE ALREADY STARTING TO RULE THE SEAS
WORLD’S FIRST BIONIC TURTLE ALREADY STARTING TO RULE THE SEAS
September 17 2010
Tokyo, Japan – The sea is, without a doubt, the most inhospitable place on planet Earth. More dangerous than the wilds of Siberia or the heat of the Sahara, the oceans of our planet carry little but darkness and death. They are as well perhaps the part of
the planet most abundant with life, the oceans are the native home of human beings, at least distantly. They are as well deep and dark with monsters and pressures that could crush a human like a grape.
While there is little doubt that there are mysteries in the depths of the ocean yet to be discovered, it is unlikely that the creatures of lore such as Krakens or Hydra exist yet there are likely still great dangers awaiting us should we ever develop the technology to peer into the ocean depths. Now doctors in Japan have potentially created such a beast, a monster that may quickly become an unstoppable force, and prevent human beings from ever entering the water again. Yu Chan began life as any regular turtle but a close shave with a shark changed things forever. Rescued by people, Yu Chan was nursed back to health and equipped with bionic flippers before being released back into the ocean to presumably evolve, breed, and gain control of all the Earth’s water supplies.
“We are very happy with the progress that Yu Chan has made and we are very glad to release her back to her native territory. When she first came to us she was in very difficult shape but through a great deal of care and special attention we have been able to restore her to a full and healthy turtle that will have a normal life,” said one doctor. “We believe she will be able to do all the same things that every other turtle is able to do such as swim, hunt, and make new turtles. This is a great success story.”
However, not all agree that releasing the turtle into the ocean was the best idea.
“This thing is a monster, a freak, and it should not have been allowed to swim freely back in the water. Not only is this a threat to swimmers, the major concern is that it will use these new bionic flippers to dominate the waters and control other species. It will now be stronger and faster than regular turtles and as history has shown, with absolute power comes corruption,” said Dr. Narota Kobe. “The real concern here is that the turtle population has no history of madmen which means they have not learned the lessons of history as we have done. This means, likely, unbridled power and aggression that could lead to dangerous and 
treacherous behaviour. Because there are no checks and balances it will also mean that her rule will be infinite and will eventually come to affect human life whether we like it or not.”
No turtle has ever shown the ability or desire to transform into a maniacal dictator, yet.
“The real irony here is that we will have created our own super villain. Much like happens in the comics an act of kindness will twist and warp this turtle into some kind of monster, some hulking menace and we will be forced to fight it, perhaps dying in the process,” said Scrape TV Zoology analyst Cambridge Walker. “I mean there is no guarantee and she could have already been eaten by a shark but if it does happen then there will be no one to blame but ourselves. I guess it won’t be the first time we did this, remember what we let Hitler get away with.”
Most critics had advocated making Yu Chan into soup.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
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