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NEWS > SCIENCE > INCOMING ICE AGE TO BE THE WARMEST IN HISTORY THANKS TO GLOBAL WARMING
INCOMING ICE AGE TO BE THE WARMEST IN HISTORY THANKS TO GLOBAL WARMING
January 30 2012
London, U.K. – One day soon people may be skating on the River Thames, a sight that has not been seen in over three hundred years. That possibility, likelihood even, will be made possible by an ice age that appears to be incoming even as we continue to struggle with the effects of global warming, making for one very confused set of environmental circumstances.
Ice ages are actually fairly common through the history of our planet. While most people associate such events with the big ones that occurred, the massive ice sheets that carved out the Great Lakes and laid waste to wildlife, fluctuations in mean temperature happen regularly, both up and down, and down we appear to be headed towards a collision of those two things.
The incoming ice age, which will likely cause the Thames to freeze over, will undoubtedly suck up most of the talk of global warming, until of course the thaw comes as couples skate across the rivers in a loving embrace, sinking and drowning to death as the ice suddenly refreezes over their heads, a scenario that may play out all across the world.
“World temperatures may end up a lot cooler than now for 50 years or more. It will take a long battle to convince some climate scientists that the sun is important. It may well be that the sun is going to demonstrate this on its own, without the need for their help,” said Henrik Svensmark, director of the Center for Sun-Climate Research at Denmark’s National Space Institute. 
The speculation for the new ice age is related to a decrease in solar activity which may last until 2100, but the increase in things like carbon dioxide may minimize the effects of the ice age and diminish the impact of the Sun.
It’s is believed unlikely that the next ice age will create massive glacial sheets or kill off large mammals in northern climates, even the Dutch.
“We are headed into a very strange time in Earth’s history. These types of ice ages occur frequently and like most natural events are actually good for the planet, but of course we have been here pumping out greenhouse gases and that will minimize the effects of the cold temperatures and result in the warmest ice age yet,” said Scrape TV Weather analyst Graham Gilliam. “That’s going to make for a lot of cold and hot flashes not unlike a woman going through menopause. Like menopause it will eventually end and things will eventually get back to normal and all will be good.”
It’s not clear if there is anything we will be able to do to further minimize the cooling effect.
“Right now the best thing we can do to keep the planet warm is to keep pumping out greenhouse gases, something that will make the corporations very happy I’m sure. Right now we can keep throwing that stuff out there and keep temperatures down, but of course once the Sun gets active again we will be screwed, well the people alive then will be screwed anyways,” continued Gilliam. “For now we are just going to have to deal with irrational swings in temperature and mood. Sure, there will be a few people who drown in flash thaws and freezes but they have been warned. If they keep doing it it’s no one’s fault but their own, morons.”
Two people drowned trying to skate on the Thames last year because it isn’t frozen yet.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > INCOMING ICE AGE TO BE THE WARMEST IN HISTORY THANKS TO GLOBAL WARMING
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