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NEWS > SCIENCE > OFFICIALS CONFIRM THAT THE EARTH DID INDEED SLOW DURING ROYAL WEDDING
OFFICIALS CONFIRM THAT THE EARTH DID INDEED SLOW DURING ROYAL WEDDING
April 29 2011
London, U.K. – Despite the best intentions of the harshest critics, the reality is that celebrity has always been a potent part of human culture. True, societies of the past didn’t have nearly the number of celebrities which we have today making the public’s 
obsession with those in the public eye less apparent, but that doesn’t mean that things have ever been all that different. Kings, Queens, Presidents and Emperors have always been appealing to the public, something that is unlikely to change now or in the future.
As has always been the case, people celebrate glamour and youth, traits which we all desire to posses but something which often eludes even the most desperate amongst us. There are few prestigious positions available, making it exceedingly difficult for most people to ever be anything other than rabid observers. That is very much the case when it comes to royalty, perhaps the most elite of elite classes, something to which aspiration is simply fantastical. True, the most recent royal event, the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, involved a commoner, but that is the exception, not the rule. Because of that, obsession with the royal event was one of the biggest news events of the year as billions watched something they will never experience themselves. Now, only hours removed from the grand event, scientists have determined that the obsession with the Royal Wedding may have caused the Earth to actually slow in its rotation ever slow slightly, though still short of stopping entirely.
“Normally we wouldn’t even look at this kind of thing in relation to celebrity events, but because of the incredible interest in this particular case we decided to watch 
things carefully and see if human movement and experience could actually impact the wider world,” said researcher Niles Wattingham. “We believe this slowing is akin to motion on a bus. If one side is overloaded, when the bus goes around the corner it will lift just a little. We believe this is what happened here.”
It’s estimated that more than two billion people watched the Royal Wedding on Friday.
“Obviously things like business slowed down, but we were able to determine that the actual turning of the Earth slowed, very slightly, and then sped up again immediately afterwards. We have little doubt that the combined effect of people sitting on their couches all around the world stopped the motion of the planet,” continued Wattingham. “This shows very clearly how much of an impact we have on the world around us and how integral we are to the planet. Obviously life would not cease if we all, all seven billion of us, decided to sit down and watch television but it would have an effect. Luckily, for us this particular wedding only interested a third of the population of the planet.”
It’s believed that the eventual coronation of William as King will draw a little more interest, though likely not enough to stop the planet.
“There are few events or incidents that really fuse the world together, that really get us to work as one unit and to understand each other, even if it’s only for a short period of time. This was one of those events, and now we are seeing the ill effects of such an event,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “The cessation of the rotation of the planet would mean the end of all life, not just human life, but every living thing on the planet. The atmosphere would be ripped away and we would all be tossed into space at about a thousand miles an hour. Hopefully they don’t have kids anytime soon, that could spell disaster for all of us.”
William and Kate, being British, reportedly did not feel the Earth move.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > OFFICIALS CONFIRM THAT THE EARTH DID INDEED SLOW DURING ROYAL WEDDING
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