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NEWS > SCIENCE > USERS GET GREAT IDEAS FROM CANNABIS DNA SEQUENCE
USERS GET GREAT IDEAS FROM CANNABIS DNA SEQUENCE
August 22 2011
Marblehead, MA – Researchers at a Massachusetts company have unlocked the genetic code of the marijuana plant, something they believe will eventually open up new opportunities for research into therapeutic effects of cannabis.
While the discovery has created a great deal of excitement in the scientific community, it is expected that the bulk of the great ideas will come from the end users themselves, though little will be done with those ideas. Among the early plans the DNA code may unleash are potato chip delivery services and a Frisbee capable of carrying beer.
“This is an exciting breakthrough. We have long known about the curative effects of cannabis but only from anecdotal and clinical evidence. The sequencing of the genome gives us hard data, which in turn will allow us to create more focussed treatments,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “It will also give advocates a stronger footing on which to promote their cause, kind of. Nothing in the release of this genome will further research into vans made of weed or giant doobies.”
No one from the company has spoken publicly about the sequencing or its potential uses. The company has a facility in Amsterdam, which was not involved with the research.
“The possibilities aren’t really endless with this research, but if peer-reviews are positive it could open up some research into the medicinal effects of cannabis. It likely 
won’t impact the legality of the use for casual users, but they can dream,” continued Poe. “I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who think that this will eventually lead to legalization but there is no reason to assume that, unless you’re high of course. This is really a pharmacological advance that has little or nothing to do with the legality and casual use of cannabis.”
Despite that cynicism, many advocates are hailing the study as evidence that science has finally started to take the drug a little more seriously.
“I like it man, it’s really great that they are doing this cause it will like make people understand that this isn’t just a thing for potheads. They will know that it’s a thing for everyone. It’s good for like pain and inflammation and stuff and now they will know that we weren’t just saying that, now there’s like medical evidence,” said a local pothead named Mike. “It makes everyone feel so much better and everyone should be allowed to do it. Now that science confirmed that, we should all be free to do what we want and no one should feel uptight anymore.”
Mike said the news also inspired him to invent a machine to sequence the DNA of toast, white bread.
“The most valuable thing in this is that it sets a precedent for medical studies on illicit materials. Science is too often bound down by legalities and moralities that have nothing to do with advancing human knowledge, but slowly the barriers break down,” continued Poe. “Whether or not these sequencing yields any results, the simple fact that it was done is a step forward and could very well open up research into other drugs and the potential medical benefits they are hiding.”
Mike later went out for Cheetos.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
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