MARS ROVER CURIOSITY HASN’T FOUND LIFE OR SPARKED A WAR WITH MARTIANS YET
August 6 2012
Pasadena, CA – There are critics who would argue that the billions of dollars spent on creating and sending the Curiosity rover to Mars could have been better spent on Earth. Though NASA’s budget is miniscule in respect to other areas, like say defence, it’s still a lot of money being used to send a robot to a distant rock.
Regardless, that is what NASA has done. With last night’s successful landing of the Mars Science Laboratory, nicknamed Curiosity, the space agency has embarked on what is perhaps the most ambitious exploration program in human history. The stated and very clear mission of the rover is unlike any before. It is designed to find evidence of life, alien life, on Mars.
Martian life, we assume, will of course be microscopic at best or most likely dead, simply bacterial remains but even that would be a huge coup and the first definitive evidence that we are indeed not alone in the Universe, a find that could change human history forever. It could also, if we are wrong, spark an interplanetary war if Martians are indeed hiding and not wanting to be found, a plan Curiosity could certainly disrupt and bring hell and brimstone down on our heads, bringing humanity to a fiery and brutal end.
“It’s an enormous step forward in planetary exploration. Nobody has ever done anything like this. It was an incredible performance,” said John Holdren, science advisor to President Obama.
Obama himself also commented on the landing and congratulated the teams at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory and NASA for the success.
Curiosity almost immediately began to beam back images and at least so far has not encountered any alien resistance.
“This is really a great moment for all of science and engineering. Not only do we have the most robust probe yet on Mars but the sheer engineering and skill that it took to pull it off the way they pulled it off, just remarkable. They are rightly proud, the team that worked on this and made it happen,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “That may change in the future but for now it’s a time of celebration. If the Martians end up getting aggravated by this well will of course regret doing it and all this celebration will be very ironic because, well, we have to assume that Martians will be angry and far more sophisticated than us which of course will mean destruction back here on Earth.”
Humans have sent a number of devices to Mars and, thus far, have not raised the ire of Martian forces.
“Such an event may not mean the complete and total destruction of humanity. We are not going to be pushovers and we likely have more people than they do and so the complete and total obliteration of every human being will be, at best, difficult for them to accomplish but they of course could still end up killing billions of people,” continued Poe. “Then we will regret invading their planet and disturbing the way we have done with our silly little robot. Until that happens though we can be proud of this achievement and excited for the future. I guess the lesson here is to live in the now, not in the what could be because that is nothing but destruction and death.”
It’s not clear if Curiosity would provide us with advanced warning of the coming of the Martian forces or not.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent