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NEWS > SCIENCE > CERN CERTAIN LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY PLANET, NOT SURE ABOUT FRANCE
CERN CERTAIN LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY PLANET, NOT SURE ABOUT FRANCE
September 9 2008
Geneva, Switzerland – Scientists behind the Large Hadron Collider are once again assuring the world that it will not destroy the world once activated this Wednesday. The ten billion dollar particle accelerator has sparked fears ranging from potentially setting he atmosphere on fire, to mini black holes that could rip the planet apart, but scientist working on the project have dismissed the concerns as nonsense.
“The LHC will not end life as we know it, it is just not going to happen,” said a spokesperson for the project. “While black holes may be created they will decelerate so quickly that they will not have an impact. The world is safe and if something did go wrong, it would likely be isolated to the area surrounding the collider and not affect the world at large.”
The collider is located beneath the France-Switzerland border.
“Even if that rarest of possibilities does occur, chances are the French side would be the most severely affected, as Switzerland is a neutral country.”
While political affiliations would seem to have very little bearing in respect to physics, but the scientists are convinced that on the very low possibility of a disaster, the Swiss side would be okay.
“Remember the Nazi’s? We Swiss know how to play the game.” The spokesperson refused to comment further on any plans they may have made.
The assertions of complete safety have not stopped protests and even lawsuits designed to halt the development of the collider. One such lawsuit was filed in Hawaii by two men who wanted the project halted until studies of the potential side effects could be thoroughly studied.
The suit, filed by a retired nuclear safety officer and a science writer, has been marked as frivolous and has done nothing to prevent the start up of the Collider.
“This conglomerate has been totally irresponsible and they are possibly dooming all of us by acting rashly and with scientific justified arrogance,” said Luis Sancho, the writer. “I have written about science for a number of years so I know a little bit about it, and I know how arrogant scientists can get when they feel they are right. They are not right in this situation, we are. I’m making sure to say goodbye to all my loved ones before Wednesday, and I recommend everyone else should too.”
One scientist for CERN had a more philosophical response the question of possible planetary destruction. He spoke to us under the condition of anonymity.
“If you got hit by a bus tomorrow the entire world would end for you. This is really no different. If the world ends on Wednesday, it’s really just one big bus. If things go bad, well there won’t really be anyone left to worry about mistakes. The world turns without us, theoretically at least. I am glad I don’t live in France though, just in case.”
The collision happens September 10th.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > CERN CERTAIN LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY PLANET, NOT SURE ABOUT FRANCE
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