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NEWS > SCIENCE > EVOLUTIONISTS LEARNING TO SPEAK MONKEY
EVOLUTIONISTS LEARNING TO SPEAK MONKEY
March 3 2009
Washington, DC – The publication of Charles Darwin’s ‘On the Origin of Species’ almost 150 years ago sparked a debate that has continued to this day. From genuine scientific exploration, to religious hysteria, to everything in between, Darwin’s work has fundamentally altered the moral and ethical debate surrounding the nature of life in a way that may never be resolved. 
Amongst the most pressing issues surrounding the debate is the argument followers of evolutionary origins of life are required to make in order to even open an intelligent debate. With slurs and half truths, proponents of evolution often find themselves arguing in order to be able to make an argument. Now a group of evolutionary scientists have developed what they believe is a revolutionary new technique to help that pre-debate. The group will attack the arguments head on by learning to speak monkey.
“The most common argument made is something along the lines of ‘I didn’t evolve from monkeys’ and that’s a difficult debate to overcome. Not only is it fundamentally incorrect in terms of accepted evolutionary theory, it’s difficult to mount any kind of discussion with the type of people who would make that kind of argument,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “The idea is
that if you learn to communicate with monkeys you can articulate an argument against that way of thinking. When people begin to realize the extremely limited mental abilities of monkeys they can’t possibly make the same argument, theoretically at least.”
The basic theory of human evolution that Darwin postulated involved human beings and other great apes having evolved from a common ancestor. Monkeys are not a part of the same genetic family line as human beings and are considered lesser primates. Orang-utans, Gorillas, Chimpanzees, and Humans are thought to have descended from common ancestry.
“Monkeys are seen as silly animals. The kind of animal that looks funny in a hat or collecting a change from an organ grinder. Bringing up that image in people’s minds allows people arguing against evolutionary theory to one up their argument by belittling the opponent’s. On people with less evolved brains that kind of arguing is very effective,” continued Poe. “Chimpanzees in particular are very similar to human beings, both genetically and behaviourally but there was a separation at some point that led our two species down different evolutionary paths. Not only is that argument wrong
because it’s not monkeys we are related to, at no point does Darwin ever say we evolved from any currently living species.”
The evolutionists believe that by engaging monkeys in some kind of debate will allow them to devalue the argument made by anti-evolutionists. They also believe that by engaging in discussion with monkeys they will better be able to engage in discussion with human beings of lesser intelligence.
“We began to realize that sometimes there is a
fundamental disconnect between science and the common man. We tend to over speak a lot of the time and use very large words and for some people the reaction to the confusion that creates is aggression and belittling. Simply put when
people feel their intelligence is threatened they lash out and cease to listen, and that’s something we want to change,” said Doctor Edward Gain, lead scientist in the effort to decipher monkey speech patterns. “We feel that if we start to understand monkeys, than bringing ourselves down to the level of less sophisticated humans shouldn’t be that great a leap, so to speak. It will also allow monkeys themselves to express their thoughts on the evolutionary process as far as they can determine.”
It is not widely believed that monkeys have the capacity to ponder issues beyond basic needs like food and sex. There is little evidence to suggest that monkeys, or any other animals on the planet,
have constructed or explored theories as to their place in the universe. There has also been no evidence found suggesting that any species of monkey have developed significant tools to study Archaeology or Biology.
“While it’s certainly true that scientists can over speak and that can be an impediment to successful debate, I doubt the study of monkey linguistics will do a whole lot to dissipate those issues,” continued Poe. “I suppose it’s worth a shot but the truth is people who aren’t willing to listen to the argument in the first place likely won’t buy this one either. Translating monkey, to human, to stupid might be a stretch and is going to be a hard sell especially amongst the intended audience.”
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE > EVOLUTIONISTS LEARNING TO SPEAK MONKEY
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