NASA CLAIMS BUDGET CUTBACKS DAMNING EARTH TO FIERY HELL

August 23 2009

Washington, D.C. – The first fifteen years of human space exploration involved some of the most remarkable engineering and engaged some of the greatest of human dreams. From Sputnik to the Moon landings the exploration of space gripped the
world’s fascination and elicited the hopes and dreams of the entire species. Since then our exploration of the heavens have been limited, at least in respect to people’s fascination. The Space Shuttle, the Hubble telescope, and the ISS have all contributed to our scientific understanding of the universe but have done little to engage the public, which has further inhibited the progress beyond the Earth.

That decline in public interest has also caused a decline in public monies being used in the advance of space exploration. NASA, the chief proponent of space travel, has for years suffered with ever declining budgets which has further inhibited their ability to inspire the kind of awe once associated with the space program. Those budgetary restrictions have also caused other issues for
NASA, specifically their efforts to track potentially deadly asteroids and comets coming into Earth’s realm, bodies which could destroy all life on Earth. With only one-third of the bodies currently being tracked, NASA has become frustrated with the budgetary problems and has indicated that they may give up entirely, dooming humanity to extinction.

“It shows we have a problem we're not addressing. The program is a little bit of a lame duck. There is not a big enough group pushing for the money,” said space advocate Louis Friedman. “It’s a continual source of frustration for many people within the organization and many of them are just sick of wasting their breath fighting for the necessary dollars. There has been a growing movement within NASA to just ditch the whole project and let the politicians burn with the rest of us when a comet finally comes hurtling into Earth. Of course that puts us all in a tough spot.”

NASA will continue to track two rocks in particular, at least for the time being. One in particular is believed to have a 1 in 3000 chance of slamming into the planet in 2048, an event that would likely obliterate all life on the planet and render it a lifeless rock.

“I think there’s a bit of bluffing going on to be completely honest. NASA often uses threats like this to try and extract more dollars out of the government, to mixed effect, and are likely doing the same thing here. The one advantage they do have here is the nature of the
event. Getting people behind studies on growth rates of raspberries in space is a tough task, but getting them to buy into a global apocalypse? Much easier,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “Luckily for NASA Hollywood has been preparing the people for such an event. Movies like ‘Armageddon’ and ‘Deep Impact’ have gotten the people concerned about such an event so they are now able to capitalize on that fear. Ultimately that could mean more dollars for NASA and potentially the salvation of all life as we know it.”

Many scientists have been warning for years that an impact, much like the one that likely doomed the dinosaurs, could end human life on Earth and possibly send the planet into nuclear winter which would eventually destroy all life permanently.

“Preserving life on Earth should of course be of significant interest to all people even if it means a slight increase in tax dollars. Of course the principal complaint will be why Americans should be footing the bill for the rest of the planet but sometimes that’s the price you pay for being the wealthiest country,” continued Poe. “What we can’t get caught up in is a kind of fear-mongering from NASA. Yes we know the danger is real and potentially devastating but there are only so many dollars to go around and not all of them can be allocated to one division. Any future dollars should also directed towards stopping a collision and not just spotting one, otherwise it’s really just a waste of money.”

Many critics of the NASA initiative have pointed to the relative lack of comet strikes against the planet, noting that Earth has survived for at least 65 million years previous to the space agencies efforts. 

Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent

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